This is likely to be long. Sorry.
SUMMARY:
Adult cousins X&Y were only invited to evening do of my wedding 2 years ago as I had only spoken to them once in 15 years. DM&DF of X&Y invited to whole day, rsvp'd yes but didn't turn up as pissed off that X&Y not invited when other cousins (who I am closer too) were. X is now getting married. I have been invited to the evening rsvp'd yes then found out my siblings have been invited to whole day. I'm not fussed but my dad is going nuts at aunty's petty point scoring battle. I wish they'd all just calm the fuck down.
DH and I got married a couple of years ago,it was the first wedding of either side of this generation. I was only going to invite 2 cousins (out of 9 plus partners & children) the two I regularly see and get on well with. BUT my mum informed me that one of my aunt and uncle would be unable to attend if their 3 children were not invited (too young to be left alone but all 10+) so I invited those. 4 cousins were not invited.
DH invited his favourite/ closest 5 cousins too (out of 15 + partners and children). Total cousins plus partners and children would have totalled 60 people, more than half our wedding. It was not possible to invite everyone. ALL COUSINS (and partners) WERE INVITED TO THE EVENING RECEPTION.
I rang another aunt and uncle (parents of uninvited cousins, lets call them A & B) and explained that I could not invite their children (lets call them X and Y) were not invited due to space and cost and me not having spoken to them in 15 years, but put nicely. A said she understood how expensive and complicated weddings are so not to worry. All fine and dandy. A&B rsvp'd yes.
Fast forward to wedding day, after the church ceremony we had a meal, A&B were not there. I asked my grandparents why not, but my granddad said he didn't want to tell me and to ask my dad (A's brother). I asked if everyone was ok, and was told they were fine (I was genuinely worried one of them or their children/ grandchildren were in hospital). I didn't give it any thought the rest of the day.
I deduced that A&B had not attended due to X&Y not being to the whole day. I have clarified it with my dad and indeed this is the case - they called him the morning of the wedding and said they weren't coming, he didn't tell me as he didn't an to upset me on the wedding day. He was not happy with my aunt and called her a drama queen.
I've seen A&B since and they've not said anything, go about things as though nothing happened. I'm very live and let live and relaxed so don't care. I was a bit miffed on the day as we had to not invite some people we wanted there due to numbers and for them just not turn up was annoying.
Anyway, years have passed and on to my doorstep drops an invitation to the evening do of the wedding of X. I have not met X's fiance and have spoken to X twice in 15 years. I called my mum to check re babysttting DS and RSVP'd yes. I then spoke with my sister and I am the only one of my brothers, sisters and dad not to have been invited to the whole day.
I genuinely don't care, having gone through the faff and expense of planning my own wedding I know how hard the guest list is and having not spoken to X for ages, honestly didn't expect and invitation at all. However my dad is now apoplectic with my aunt, saying he's not going to go and that my siblings shouldn't go either, calling my aunty all sorts and generally being very annoyed.
AIBU to think everyone should calm the fuck down. That yes, it does seem like petty point scoring from my aunty but so what? She only scores points if people make a fuss.
For the purpose of full disclosure-
A has always been a bit of a drama lama
X&Y are adopted, but that has never been issue in the family (why would it be?) but seems to be an issue in A's mind.
X & Y have had addiction issues, A seems to think we think less of them because of this, I don't know why, I hadn't spoken to them for years prior to this anyway and only heard of it via my gran.
We weren't close as children there's a 9 year age gap between me and X&Y.
AIBU just to put on a pretty dress and show up at 7.30 as requested and not give a fuck about the rest of it?