that my house my rules?

[dafi]

I moved to a country where woman wear heavy cotton clothes in tropical weather, I dont speak their language and I am different in skin colour and hair so i draw a lot of attention to myself. I wear same type of clothing when going outside for shopping or visiting family but I am myself in my home. I was never a fan for too reviling clothes and even here I wear long skirt but a stripy blouse and thats where problem begins. My PIL requested my husband to cover me up because they feel shy? so he does because I make other guests uncomfortable? aibu?

Leave: Culture and religion are very rarely completely separable. A Christian part of India might have 'strict' rules about dress, but they would be considered to be Christian as well as cultural norms.

You should respect their culture and traditions by dressing in a manner that is acceptable. if you don't like it then maybe you shouldn't be living there.

Really good post there Arf*

I completely agree.

If your PIL are Muslim then you don't need to cover up in front of your FIL. He would be someone that you couldn't marry therefore you can uncover in front of him islamically.

The PILs are Christian Hotlingbling

If OP is deeply unhappy with dh , pils and culture she has married into then I suggest LTB would be in order here, before she gets stuck there with dc!
Run, OP, run and don't look back!
You will never have the life you want with people like that, you will always be in the wrong, take it from me!

Tell them all to fuck off - your house, your rules. I would also considering telling your H to do the same as he sounds like a controlling freak who views you as some object.

And wear the bikini Derek suggested next time they pop over for a visit. They will never call again. Problem sorted.

In your own home you should be able to dress as you like - when its just you and dh. When you invite guest over I think it is reasonable to give some thought to not embarrassing them. For example, I have a colleague who is a nudist (at home, not in the office). When he invites us round he puts on shorts and a tshirt. He doesn't invite non nudists to stay for the weekend because he'd find that too constraining. You need to work out a balance.

If the OP was going to tell anyone to fuck off, she would have started years ago with her controlling husband.

It's even less likely to happen now she's living in his country with their children and PILs who sound just as controlling as the son they raised.

*My PIL requested my husband to cover me up because they feel shy?(

Requested your husband to cover you up? Are you his property or something :S This reads terribly.

Is it your house, or are you living with the inlaws?

Presumably you knew the dress codes and such when moving there also...other countries don't tend to be as tolerant as the UK is..

Exactly, Worra. Sad but true.

Well, OP, all we can do is give your our opinions and feedback. If you are happy to be a 'surrended wife', then that is your choice, we can't change your life, but you can! If you are happy then good luck!

you're angry at the wrong person OP

my life at the moment is far better than it was and as matter of fact I married a controlling man but I am still in love and denial

So, all is peachy? Why post on here then?

Sheesh there's just no helping some people.

YY that's exactly what I did OP.

I also agree with Arf but would also add that given that most of us are not (I would guess) living in the same culture as you it's impossible for us to really say who is being unreasonable.

If you were living in the UK yes it would be unreasonable for your ILs to dictate what you wear in your own home. But you don't live in the UK and you can't expect their culture to operate like UK culture or to apply the same criteria for what is (un)reasonable.

Do you have local friends? Maybe they could give you a better idea about whether this is normal/reasonable in the culture you live in.

However even if your ILs expectations are reasonable in the culture you live in, this doesn't mean you have to go along with them if it makes you unhappy. Just bear in mind you may be (widely) viewed as rude or unreasonable.

The other option - if living with these cultural norms makes you unhappy (either because you go along with them and they make you miserable or because you don't go along with them and this causes difficult relationships ) - is to come back to the UK.

If you are as unhappy as you sound then I'd make sure that the option of coming back to the UK was always practically available (eg. Enough savings in own name to buy tickets, etc)

Is this a cultural reverse?