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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Incubating chicken pox WIBU to send to party?

48 replies

Katastrophe13 · 10/09/2016 17:36

DS is due to go to his friend's birthday party tomorrow, but I think there is a high chance that DS is incubating chicken pox as 11 days ago he played with a boy who came down with chicken pox the next day. DH thinks we shouldn't let him go to party as, if he has caught it, could be becoming contagious around now. I think if he is not showing any signs then he should go, as you can't live your life not doing things 'in case'. Who is being unreasonable and what would you do?

OP posts:

alltheworld · 10/09/2016 19:43

The party organiser won't necessarily know if someone Is in the early stages of pregnancy

Alanna1 · 10/09/2016 19:54

Well, I wouldn't unless I knew there was someone imuno-compromised there. My kids played loads with some other chikdren literally just before they got chicken-pox - we were out with them when it was realised that that was what his son was coming down with and we had to travel home together. None of then got it. And its gone round our nursery three times, and my children haven't caught it. You just can't tell.

WhateverWillBe · 10/09/2016 19:58

When ds2 caught chickenpox, it was three weeks before ds1 came down with it after catching it off him, right at the maximum incubation time.

I didn't quarantine ds1 and he kept going to school during the period I was waiting for him to get it, as advised by pretty much every official source there is.

He was off school for 2.5 weeks with it...if i'd quarantined him from exposure to being clear, he'd have been at home for nearly 6 weeks.

Frazzled2207 · 10/09/2016 19:59

Ok so I realise your husband has said no and I see his thinking but personally I would have sent him - my dc has been exposed to pox loads of times and still hasn't caught it. If he'd been quarantined every time he'd have been stuck inside every other week

IveAlreadyPaid · 10/09/2016 20:08

I would have definitely sent him. Even if he is going to catch chickenpox it could still be a week until he becomes infectious.

Also he might not even get chickenpox - when my ds was at nursery chickenpox was going around for weeks and weeks. He never caught out and neither did a few others!

Pineapplemilkshake · 10/09/2016 20:15

YABU if you send him without checking with the host

mrsvilliers · 10/09/2016 21:09

I'd send him. If it had been a sibling who had had chicken pox then I'd check with the person holding the party but as a one off play date I'm not sure I'd be that concerned about exposure. Chickenpox went round ds's nursery twice before he caught it. Also do immuno suppressed people go to children's parties? Genuine question, not being arsey.

Deckthehallswithjammydodgers · 10/09/2016 21:14

If I didn't let my dd go to parties on planes school anytime she has been in contact with chicken pox shed hardly go to anythin she's never had it she's not far off six so he may not even come down with it.

MakeMyWineADouble · 10/09/2016 21:16

I know some that do depends on the party location ect but there are lots of kids these days having treatment that leave the immunosupressed if they are feeling up to it want to go. Also adult relatives ect. I'm not by any means saying it's common but it happens 😃

Kanga59 · 10/09/2016 21:19

For those saying he shouldn't go, does that mean he shouldn't go to school either because he might pass it onto other children who have someone at high risk at home?

the at home person wouldn't have direct contact with a person infected with CP in your example. so no.

siblings of immunocompromised children are offered the CP vaccine, for this very reason.

If there was an immunocompromised person in the child's class, the class teacher would be aware to remove that compromised child on first presentation of a CP infected person, so that parents could be contacted to collect their child and take to the nearest hospital for first round of antiviral medication.

There is a difference between being accidentally in a room with someone who has CP, but didn't themselves know. And deliberately being selfish and sending a highly likely infected person to a children's party

WannaBe · 10/09/2016 21:26

Absolutely bloody ridiculous to suggest not sending a child who doesn't have chicken pox on the off-chance he may, or may not catch it at some point in the next fourteen days. There is no advice anywhere to quarantine children for 21 days after being in contact with CP.

People come into contact with chicken pox every day, in the supermarket, at nursery, at school. Nowhere do people suggest keeping them home - because no children would ever go out if that were the case.

I wouldn't take a child with existing CP to a party, but honestly the mass hysteria over chicken pox is ridiculous. Yes, in some cases it can be severe, but for the most part chicken pox is a mild childhood illness in the same way a cold is. We don't isolate our children if they've been in contact with someone with a cold. This is no different.

musicmomma · 10/09/2016 21:30

You mustn't take him- as someone with poor immune system due to long term health condition it can be really dangerous to assume everything will be okay. I tutor children from home and ask parents to bring their children if they are unwell. Most agree to this, but every so often someone sends their child who is not well and they justify this with ' oh its just a sore throat' - and I have to reiterate the rules again. I look absolutely fine, so no one would know that I was at risk, so even if you call ahead, the organisers might not know of everyone who could be in danger. Chicken pox can be fatal, a child gave it to me earlier this year and it was extremely unpleasant, not to mention expensive as I am self employed I could not earn any money or get sick pay for the duration.

No you ' live in fear' but this is a temporary measure while your child is infectious to prevent others suffering unnecessarily. You never know who you might expose to chicken pox which can be devastating. If you re used to having good/normal health this sort of thing can seem over protective or paranoid, but for others it is a necessary precaution.

dementedpixie · 10/09/2016 21:34

But the child may not even be infectious. Yes, don't go if they have signs of being ill but if they are not then carry on as normal

MakeMyWineADouble · 10/09/2016 21:36

I think most advice was to check with the person hosting the party I don't think that is ridiculous

WannaBe · 10/09/2016 22:06

Of course it is ridiculous. The child doesn't have chicken pox.

It's likely that most of the children going to the party will have been exposed to at least someone with chicken pox in the last three weeks given that they all go to nurseries/schools/the park etc.

You just cannot stop children going out for three weeks every time they are exposed to chicken pox on the off-chance they get it. Most don't get it first time anyway, some never get it at all. And what if they never catch it?

There is no NHS guidance to quarantine people who have been in contact with chicken pox for the very simple reason that exposure does not equal going to get it....

Taking an infected child is of course a whole different matter but we're talking potential non infectious here.

TVWife · 10/09/2016 22:07

There's no advice to quarantine a child who's been in contact with CP and keeping them off school for that reason would be unacceptable . They could come into contact with an immune suppressed person in the school playground, on the bus etc - how is a party so different?

Crunchymum · 10/09/2016 22:10

If it was a sibling with chicken pox then I'd not go.

A kid he played with 11 days ago? I think I'd chance it.

On a side note MN is is fucking weird about chicken pox????

MoggyP · 10/09/2016 22:16

Chicken went round DS's nursery (including friends he played with a lot) at least 4 times. He didn't come down with it until yr2 (when no known contacts were ill)

I don't agree with your assumption that he is likely to be infectious.

AuntieStella · 10/09/2016 22:19

"On a side note MN is is fucking weird about chicken pox????"

In part the legacy of a troll (initials SS)

Original poster

Katastrophe13 · 10/09/2016 22:26

Ok my assumption is based on nhs which says if you spend 15 mins a room with someone who is infected with CP and you haven't had it before then there is a 90% chance that you will catch it. DS was playing with this other child for an entire day, so this is why I am thinking it's very likely he will get it. I have texted host a few hours ago and said I am not bringing him and reasons why and have not had response. there is part of me that thinks we have overreacted by not sending him, but the fact is these children/adults he will not be seeing again for a long time, so I might as well save them the potential illness. If it was a party of someone that he was at school with and he'd be seeing them all the following day anyway it would be different. I wouldn't keep off school without symptoms though, as pretty sure school would not be in agreement to that!

OP posts:

WinnieTheW0rm · 10/09/2016 22:36

He may or may not come down with it this time.

As he'd be infectious for about 48 hours before symptoms, which might not appear until 21 days, there is no way of telling when (let alone whether) he could theorectically be infectious.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 10/09/2016 23:05

You have hugely overreacted.

My DCs, 8nyearbold in particular, has been around it loads of times including a time when the whole friendship group we spent a lot of regular time with came down with it. DS hasn't had it yet. You cannot love your life like this. Pretty sure DS spent a while day with a friend in their contagious period too. Then there was the party he went to with birthday child covered in pox that hadnt scanned over. YABU and your DH is being really ridiculous.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 10/09/2016 23:06

Ignore typos, stupid phone.

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