Gone right off friend.

[Unicorn1981]

I'm not sure that's the right title for this but I don't know how to explain it in a shortened version. I'll try. My dp has been friends with this guy, I will call him Mark since they were at primary school. He met this lady who I'll call Lauren and straight away she was really over familiar with me. I liked her but she is younger than me and quite immature. They got married and he was best man. She made me bridesmaid. The two other bridesmaids were her closest friend and her sister. She was meant to order my bridesmaid dress from abroad but it never turned up. I was meant to pay for it on the proviso we could wear whatever we wanted but it really needed to match the others. Coming up to the wedding she admitted she thought she'd made a mistake and not ordered it so I had to go out to oxford street and buy the closest looking dress I could find costing me 85 quid! It has never been worn again so it irritated me spending all that money! Fast forward she has a baby. I lent her baby clothes I've never seen again as she passed them onto all get friends I thought at least they'll get used but I did find it annoying. The thing is everything you have done, every experience, illness anything that has happened she has done it, had it worn the t shirt a million times more or better than you have. When she discovered she was pregnant again she confided it was too soon she wasn't massively happy all the time she knew I was also trying and struggling and this really upset me. I have a condition which means it's challenging for me to get pregnant. She also says she has a similar thing yet she is getting pregnant then complaining about it! Her husband is a bit of a cheat too. Dp thinks I'm being unreasonable and can't understand why I dislike her so much. I agree that I have probably fixated a bit because I am a little bit jealous but my other friends are on second children and I'm really happy for them. I think i just can't stomach the woe is me attitude. I'd just like to see if I can try to change the way I am. DP is out buying a present for the new baby and he can't understand why I don't want anything to do with it. I don't want to be a bitch or anything but I'm struggling.

You don't have to like or be friends with anyone.

BUT you have a child right? Does she know you're trying for your second? I struggle to see the difficulty in her confiding to a friend that it's too soon for her to be pregnant, given that her husband "cheats a bit".

Seems like the poor woman is going to need a lot of support

Don't be so hard on yourself. Just because she's married to your dp's best friend doesn't mean you have to like her or be her mate. Sometimes you just don't click with a person. She sounds like an attention seeker/drama queen. Do you really want to deal with someone like that? I feel really uncomfortable when someone I've just met doesn't abide by normal social boundaries so totally understand. No reason why you can't be pleasant to her when you're all together but maybe keep her at arms length the rest of the time.

It sounds to me as though she really likes you and is trying to impress you by showing that she has experience of the same things as you.

That said, it doesn't mean you have to feel the same way about her.

I think YANBU she sounds fucking irritating. Cant bare people that try and outdo you on everything. The bridesmaid dress thing would give me the arse too. The only thing YABU about is over the baby clothes.

Sorry you're having difficulty TTC hun. She sounds like she's rather wrapped up in herself so she may not even realise she's being insensitive to you about your difficulty TTC. So I get why you might not feel like congratulating her on her pregnancy, but I would suck it up and just say congrats. At least you don't have a cheating shit of a husband like her. I feel sorry for her over that.

Ultimately, she's not adding anything positive to your life and so keep her at arms length.

You don't have to talk to her YANBU you're dh is. I would tell him well if I am going to be her friend then I will have to tell her the truth about the cheating.

How can you're dh expect you to be friends with her and his best friend it doesn't fit well with me.

Perfectly usual to hand on baby clothes, it would be very odd to hand them back to the donor. I got literally black sacks full when I had dD!

YANBU.

I think this woman likes you, but unfortunately isn't treating you as well as she could. Personally I've paid for/towards bridesmaid dresses before and have no problem with that.

However not returning something that you clearly stated (you did, yes?) were only for borrowing isn't acceptable.

Constant competitiveness can be very wearing. I eventually gave up on a friendship where if you had something to say, the "friend" would immediately turn the subject onto herself and try to outdo whatever you said.

It's one thing for her to tell you about her pregnancy but she should have kept quiet about it being "not the right time" as she knows the difficulties you're having, and of course it's galling for you no matter how pleased you are for them.

You've been putting up with a lot from her. If it was me I'd cool the friendship.

Well you're all covering up and keeping quite about her Partner cheating on her and therefor lying/taking time/funds away from her and the children, you do enough to show that you don't like her, as it is. Does she need friends like the pair of you?

How do you "cheat a little bit"?

You should have been honest with her, that you wasn't in a place where she could vent to you, about a pregnancy that wasn't ideally timed.

You seem to doubt what she says about things, but bare in mind that out of the two of them, she isn't the liar. Is your DH ok with him cheating?

The bridesmaid dress situation was imo a disgrace, you don't bloody forget to do something like that!

I agree she is showing a high degree of disrespect by complaining about her second baby.

But the baby clothes - you really can't expect to decide what becomes of them third, fourth hand etc unless you explicitly stated you wanted them back after she was finished.

I get where you are coming from - it's an odd relationship (for both of you!). Try and feel very sorry for her though (she also sounds jealous of you). Her marriage is likely to break up very soon - or she stays with a cheating scumbag - doesn't sound like a life I'd want to swap!

Why did you agree to be a bridesmaid for someone you dislike so much?