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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"You do like to leave a mess".

65 replies

biggles50 · 09/09/2016 13:24

I childmind in home of children. Three lovely kids very well behaved. When the two older are at school and toddler asleep I do ironing, wash up breakfast things, prepare next meal. Leave sink clean, sweep kitchen.Not asked to do ironing but happy to do as I know it helps. So last week I was told off because toddler tore bit of pop up picture from reading book, I should be "promoting" respect for books. Yesterday, a "you do like to leave me with a mess biggles!" because rooms were messy upstairs. Just toys strewn around. I said that although I believe in tidying as you go along it's tricky with children. I'm rather perplexed. I really like the kids, we have a lot of fun and parents are mostly very nice. Do I let this go because husband let slip that she's depressed about working. Maybe she's exhausted when she gets home and can't face tidying up. Or do I just try and be really tidy? I don't want to upset her but then I'm paid below minium wage and I'm feeling a bit unappreciated.

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 09/09/2016 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RiverTam · 09/09/2016 14:19

'They're not happy getting into sick pay etc' ShockShockHmm

Runningoverthefields · 09/09/2016 14:21

"they're not happy getting into sick pay etc." Shock Angry oh, aren't they? Honestly, if I didn't go on MN I wouldn't know that such people exist...

Minimum wage is just that - the legal minimum. And being a nanny is NOT a minimum wage job (and you're a nanny, because you work in their home, not a childminder). It's a very responsible job.

They're not happy for you to declare your income because nannies can't be self employed (except in v rare circumstance) so they should be paying minimum wage plus your NI contribution plus sick pay plus maternity entitlement plus insurance in case you have an accident in their home plus workplace pension etc. etc. They are breaking the law by paying you below minimum wage, they are breaking it again by not treating you as an employee with rights. And then they complain that the place isn't perfectly tidy when they get home! sheesh!

Find yourself another job. Another family will fall over themselves with delight to have found someone who is happy to help with ironing & tidying up and who is kind to their kids to boot. And they will pay you a decent living wage. Do you have childcare qualifications?

It really baffles me that some parents exploit the person who is looking after their kids. The person who looks after my DS when I'm not around is doing the most important job in the world - much more important than the prime minister as far as I'm concerned. That person has to be valued, listened to, and treated like a professional. Of course, in my case that person is usually DH... Grin

RiverTam · 09/09/2016 14:21

Sorry, posted too soon and that hmm was meant to be another shock!

They can fuck the fuck off with that attitude. I would get out asap, and I would tell them that what they are doing is illegal, and anyone who actually cares for their DC would not be illegally employing someone to look after them.

But - you need to find out all your rights, and your employers responsibilities, before getting another job. You've been had once - it's your responsibility to ensure you're not had a second time.

ParadiseCity · 09/09/2016 14:21

This doesn't sound like a good arrangement. But OP I'm not sure why its only down to the mum to clear up when there is a dad too...

GoldFishFingerz · 09/09/2016 14:27

I'd stop ironing and just ensure the toys/kids meal stuff is put away by the end of the day.

carabos · 09/09/2016 14:31

I'd leave her a note saying "Yes, you're right, I do leave you a mess - I'm not putting up with the illegal situation and the insults so you can sort out the mess of having to find another slave nanny at short notice cos I'm gone. How'd ya like them apples?"

LozzaChops · 09/09/2016 14:34

All else aside, you do not have to accept that pay situation.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 09/09/2016 14:36

They don't want to "get into sick pay" or pay NMW? Shock Then they are in position to be employing people!

Are you a qualified Nanny or Childminder? If so, I'm sure someone else will pay you and treat you better for the same level of work. If not, maybe look for something different that at least pays NMW.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 09/09/2016 14:37

in no position to be employing people ^that should say! Hmm

PersianCatLady · 09/09/2016 14:41

I am not sure if this distinction is important or not but you are a nanny if you look after the children in their own home and a childminder if you look after them in your own home.

I found some information about the difference between the two here -
www.childcare.co.uk/information/what-type-of-childcare

KatharinaRosalie · 09/09/2016 14:43

Oh wow.

So you're a nanny for 3, and a housekeeper, paid under minimum wage and they're 'not happy' about taxes and stuff? This certainly deserves a honourable mention on Mumsnet Pisstakers hall of fame.

RiverTam · 09/09/2016 14:43

It's important, Persian because a childminder is self employed but a nanny is an employee and as such her employers have to act legally, which in this case they aren't.

PersianCatLady · 09/09/2016 14:43

parents don't want me to declare my earning
Are you possibly putting yourself at risk of tax or benefit fraud by not declaring your earnings?

PersianCatLady · 09/09/2016 14:45

RiverTam
I was hoping that someone would see what I had written and be able to expand on it.

Luckily for me that person was you!!!

2014newme · 09/09/2016 14:46

Yes you are not paying tax and Could end up in a heap of trouble. You need to find another job, many people would be happy to have you and would that you well.

PacificDogwod · 09/09/2016 14:49

You are being exploited and what your employers are doing is illegal.

HMRC would be very interested.

You are a nanny, an employee, with all sorts of rights.
Do you have a contract?
Do they pay tax/NI for you?
Have they offered you a work place pension?

It sounds like you like your job, but you are very vulnerable.
I'd advise you to seek some legal advice on how to approach this.
Thanks

It sounds like you are doing a lot.
My nanny is worth her weight in gold and works very hard.
I never pay any attention what state the house is in when I come home (normally it's great) as I know that her days vary and that she does what she can.

RiverTam · 09/09/2016 14:49

That's a good point, Persian, they are asking the OP to act illegally. That in itself should be enough for you to walk, OP.

Would I be right in saying that you have no pay slips and no contract?

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 09/09/2016 14:51

Are you from another country, OP? It sounds like they are being exploitative as well as demeaning.

RiverTam · 09/09/2016 14:54

I wondered that myself.

MrsMozart · 09/09/2016 14:54

When we had nannies they didn't do any of that extra stuff! They looked after D1 and her daytime food, her room and her toys.

Just stopped doing the extra.

PersianCatLady · 09/09/2016 14:57

To me it seems like there may be a reason why the parents think that they can treat the OP like this.

I am not saying that they should be doing this but I think that they have decided that it is OK to treat her like this.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 09/09/2016 15:01

As everybody said, they are taking advantage of you!

Even if you were employed as a nanny, and paid accordingly, you shouldn't be expected to do housework if not related to the children. TBH I ask my nanny to tidy up the toys (even under the sofa Blush ) but she doesn't have to do laundry, ironing...
Book pages being ripped are normal, esp flaps! No way to avoid it except if you don't give the children books at all.

purplefox · 09/09/2016 15:07

How long have you worked with the family?

You're breaking the law.

allsfairinlove · 09/09/2016 15:08

Bloody hell op. please find another job. This is absolutely not acceptable.

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