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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To "leave" my son twice a week?

21 replies

StiffLittleFinger · 08/09/2016 20:41

I'm a single parent, 7yo DS has no contact at all with his father but is very close to his maternal grandparents who live across the road.

After several years on my own, I've met a really nice guy who I've been seeing for a number of months. He lives an hour away and I've been spending one weeknight and one night at the weekend with him for the past couple of months. DS stays with his grandparents when I'm with BF, they enjoy having him, he has always been close to them and he is always keen to have a sleepover there.

Recently I've had snide comments made, some to my face and some behind my back about the fact that I leave him "all the time" and that I'm putting my boyfriend and my social life before my son.

Usually I wouldn't give a shit but I've been left feeling like I'm selfish and being a crap mum for leaving him. He loves being at his grandparents' house and they love having them- if any of that changed I'd rethink my arrangement but I don't see it as being any different to him spending a couple of nights a week with his dad if he was in the picture.

Boyfriend can't come to me during the week as he works and I'm not ready for him to stay with DS and I yet so even if he did visit me at home DS would probably still go to my parents house anyway.

What's the MN verdict?

OP posts:

flanjabelle · 08/09/2016 20:43

Yanbu op. You are happy. Your son is happy. Your parents are happy. It's win win all round. I think these comments may be created by jealousy.

Lilaclily · 08/09/2016 20:43

Who is making snide comments ? Ignore !

loona13 · 08/09/2016 20:43

Who made the comments?

Ameliablue · 08/09/2016 20:43

Sounds sensible.

Original poster

StiffLittleFinger · 08/09/2016 20:47

A couple of close friends have said it jokingly, which stung a bit but at least they were up front.

I live in a small community and you get to know what's been said behind your back so a fair few school mums have been discussing it apparently. My closest friend has been within earshot of this and has told me.

OP posts:

blueturtle6 · 08/09/2016 20:48

Sounds like you are being sensible, if I lived closer to parents they'd probably have dd one night a week, then hubby and I could have date night so no difference.
Ignore the haters and good luck with your new romance.

Batteriesallgone · 08/09/2016 20:50

You are facilitating close family relationships for your child whilst also giving the new relationship time to develop before introducing him to your son. Sounds like amazing parenting to me.

wheresthel1ght · 08/09/2016 20:53

As long as your son is happy and your parents are happy I don't see what any tonged small minded fuckwit's opinion matters!!

CRazzyyAce · 08/09/2016 20:56

Personally i wouldn't have my DS sleeping out twice a week at his grandparent although he goes to his DF, he does sleep out but its once every term at his uncles. The whole point is its totally up to you what you do with your personal life.

Original poster

StiffLittleFinger · 08/09/2016 21:14

Thanks everyone. If DS seemed unhappy or my parents found it too much then I'd find a way to do things differently. I realise I'm very lucky to have them help me so much!

Thankyou, Crazy for your honesty. I know it's up to me what I do with my personal life but when you get to hear comments like that it does make you question if you're doing the right thing.

OP posts:

PickAChew · 08/09/2016 21:23

It sounds like a great arrangement for all of you.

Givers of snide comments can go fuck themselves.

DiegeticMuch · 08/09/2016 21:25

My verdict? A big thumbs up.

Redglitter · 08/09/2016 21:28

Sounds like you're in a no win situation. If you had your new partner stay at yours a few nights a week you'd be criticised for that too. If your sons happy with the sleep overs and your parents are happy having him sod the critics. Sounds like a good set up all round

Dolphinsanddinosaurs · 08/09/2016 21:29

If you were leaving him home alone, that would be a problem! Leaving him with close family members, who are happy to have him, is such a non issue. Let people talk, it is none of their business. You know what is best for you and your DS. It is nothing at all to do with anyone else.

Imbroglio · 08/09/2016 21:32

Assuming your parents are happy and are not grumbling about it to the village gossip it sounds ideal. Noone would be commenting if your son was staying with his dad, so what's the big deal?

QuackDuckQuack · 08/09/2016 21:33

So you are with your DS 5 nights a week. That's most of the time. And when you aren't there he is with his grandparents, reinforcing the strong relationship he has with them.

I think it's good for parents to get a break and have time to relax. You go back into parenting refreshed and probably a better parent for it.

Obviously not every parent has the opportunity to get a break. But I bet some of the ones gossiping are envious of you.

SideEye · 08/09/2016 21:35

Ignore the shit stirrers. You know your son is happy and in good hands and that his grandparents love having him. Your judgment is what matters and it sounds fine.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 08/09/2016 21:36

I would bet they think you are a fab mam and are just ribbing you for having some fun for yourself for a change! Good luck with the new bf!!

MumiTravels · 08/09/2016 21:36

My DS has to sleep out twice a week just for me to go to work.

I bet they wouldn't bat an eyelid then.

Sod them.

Original poster

StiffLittleFinger · 08/09/2016 21:51

Ok, I feel a bit better now. I know AIBU is notorious for brutal honesty so I'm glad people here see it the same way as I do.

Mumi They used to have him 3, sometimes 4 nights a week when I worked my last job- I felt worse about that than I do about this.

I know how lucky I am to have a regular break and that some people don't have any at all.

OP posts:

bigfriendlygiant · 08/09/2016 22:01

It's sounds like a great solution where everyone involved is happy.

Small communities are the worst for judginess. Smile and reiterate how happy everyone is with the arrangement.

I used to stay with my grandparents every other week and loved it. Even when I was old enough to be home alone, I'd stay with them.

My parents would love to have my DS living with them permanently staying over twice a week.

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