To ask about etiquette when sending flowers to funerals (cultural difference)

[user1469905283]

Hi all,

I have lived in the UK for almost 12 years now, but fortunately never had to think about etiquettes surrounding a bereavement. Where I come from, flowers are only meant for happy occasions and never sent to funerals. So I am struggling a bit with what's the right thing to do.

The person in question is not a close friend.. More of an acquaintance. She is the DIL of a very close friend. This person recently lost her DM and I would like to send her something to say we are thinking about her. I know from my friend that she is going through a hard time dealing with her loss. We do exchange Christmas cards every year, so you could say she is a bit more than an acquaintance.

Now my questions are...

1. Are flowers and a card OK, or do I need to send something else too?
2. Should I send these to her house or the funeral (I have the funeral date and address from my friend)

That's it really. TIA!

OP there's a difference between flowers for the the funeral and flowers to a grieving relative.

Flowers for the funeral are for the deceased (if that makes sense) and usually have a small card attached with a message about how the deceased will be missed. They go on/around the coffin during the service and are left on the grave after burial. Sometimes there is a request for no flowers or family flowers only. I think it's quite unusual for a distant acquaintance/friend of a relative to send flowers.

Culturally however it's also common to send flowers to a grieving relative. These are a gift for them (rather than the deceased) and are usually sent to their home along with a sympathy card any time after their death. When I had a relative die I received bouquets of flowers from a few people who were close to me but didn't know my relative. It was nice to know they were thinking of me.

In your position I would send flowers and a card to your friend at her home but not send flowers to the funeral.

When did reading comprehension get so bad in the UK?! This isn't about funeral flowers or donations for the deceased ffs!

You tell us Pinkerbelle.

The thread title does mention sending flowers to funerals and the OP asks whether to send the flowers to the house or funeral so I can't see how anyone has gone wildly off topic by mentioning what has become the cultural norm at these occasions.

Urm the op asked questions about what you do nobodies reading comprehension is that bad well maybe 1 posters has

Hi all,

Thanks for your replies. I don't intend to send flowers for the deceased... I wanted to send something for my friend to let her know we were thinking of her. I can see how my question about sending 'to the funeral or her home' may have caused some confusion!
I shall definitely send her a card and maybe some flowers after the funeral. I also like the idea of donating to a charity in memory of her DM. Will call the funeral home to check the details.

Thanks :)

A sympathy card is a nice gesture and enough in my opinion, we recently lost a close family member and so many people sent cards and flowers which was lovely but we run out of vases and places to put them if you see what I mean. I wouldn't sent flowers to the funeral place as a lot are family flowers only and donations to so and so instead. A nice simple card to show you're thinking of them is enough

5foot5

Thread title notwithstanding, I thought this part of the OP was pretty clear...

This person recently lost her DM and I would like to send her something to say we are thinking about her. I know from my friend that she is going through a hard time dealing with her loss.