MIL didn't get my child a birthday present

[sugarcoat21]

My MIL has always bought my children presents for birthdays, Christmas etc. This year we fell out in January. She sent my youngest a card and a cheque in May and even sent me a card. My son is 13th today and she sent him a card but no present! I'm fuming.

AIBU to think it so wrong to suddenly stop getting your grandchildren presents because you've fallen out with the parents?

Is there a FIL?

What did he get?

Just give him £20 and forget about it.

I think it's a bit odd to send Mother's Day cards if you are cross with her.

"" If we bring it up with her she will get satisfaction ""

Then that's why she's done it this way.

I've never heard of a child turning 13 (a Teenager) and it not be considered a special Birthday, by immediate family, unless that family is Toxic/Abusive, or just a twat.

It isn't grabby for a child to expect a present from a Granparent, on a significant Birthday, you've every right to be passed off that she's using your Son to play mind games.

Your DH needs to ask her what the situation is between you all and just give up on her, if she wants to carry on with the game playing.

My ex's family decided to support his decision not see our son by also refusing to see our son.

People are arseholes sometimes.

I really don't think it's an age thing. She has always made a big deal of my children's birthdays. In fact she has always sent the child who isn't having the birthday money so they don't feel left out! (Not that I agree with that) unfortunately I think this is to annoy us, me in particular and it really has worked.

I'm nc with my pil's but DH still sees them & takes dc. for the last 2 years, she's not sent a card or present for my youngests birthday in May & then a few weeks after ds birthday in August - she gives them both a card each & present. Don't react & don't make excuses to your son for her

I feel your pain.

My MIL didn't buy my DS a christening present or card because DP's older DD wasn't christened and wants to treat them the same..

I really don't get it. Do you want your mum to have contact with your children even though you are NC? If she's not a good person to have in your life then why good to be in his? Do you really want to expose your child to that dynamic?

I say this as someone who is NC with my parents.

If you want your mum to have contact with dc you are going to have to be a grown up and communicate that to her and facilitate the contact. Otherwise how is she supposed to know that it will be welcomed?

If you want gifts with no contact that's out of order imo. If she chooses to send them fine but you can't expect them if there is no relationship.

Your son is 13, not a young child. Surely you can sit down and explain that you've had an argument and listen to his perspective on whether he wants to see grandparents if you are happy for him to do so?

If it were my mother it would be a divide and rule thing. Random, unpredictable stuff that upsets people, causes arguments and ensures that people are thinking and talking about her, even if it's not in a good way.

Your pronouns are interesting. If she's your MIL, you presumably also have a DH, yet you talk about 'my son' not 'ours'. Is there a step-family dimension to MIL's differential treatment of your DCs?

Did you at least text her a thank you for the gifts earlier In the year? If not, she probably thought why bother?