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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cater for parents coming to DD's b'day party?

52 replies

Willow33 · 07/09/2016 13:33

Dd is turning 4 and we are having a small afternoon party at home - may 8-10 children. We expect at this age, that parents will stay. We have been to a few parties recently and DH feels that we were very well looked after - amazing bbqs, hosts ensuring glass was never empty. The children were generally left to play with some toys that were around (e.g. one was on a very sunny day so lots of outdoor equipment).
I said to DH that ours is going to be very focussed on doing lots of games and activities with the children - e.g. decorating biscuits, some sort of art activity and traditional party games. I feel that we can give parents mugs by the kettle with biscuits, and some other nibbles and this is fine.
DH thinks we need to cater for parents more than this. Advice please.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 07/09/2016 14:19

2.5 hours is a very long time for a 4yo party!

oompaloompaland · 07/09/2016 14:21

With DC aged 4 we always would stay at a party, and always expected parents to stay at ours in return. I simply put a load of sandwich platters (home-made or maybe Costco which are reasonably priced) out, crisps, nibbles, etc and told parents to help themselves. We never had wine on offer - simply because we live out in the sticks and parents were always, and I mean always, driving. Tea, coffee, fruit juice always sufficed. Have fun.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 07/09/2016 14:21

To me it's the not making the drinks that is the real issue. It feels wrong helping yourself in a strange house or it does to me. If it was in a hall fair enough but not when it's someones home.

TaterTots · 07/09/2016 14:23

When you say 'mugs by the kettle', do you mean you're expecting them to make their own tea and coffee?

Cuppaand2biscuits · 07/09/2016 14:27

I have done lots of parties. I always operate a mugs by the kettle policy with a nice home baked cake for the parents. People seem glad to busy themselves making tea if they feel awkward stood around.

I did once ask on a different forum about offering alcohol at my daughters 4th birthday party and was shoot down as though I was lining up hard drugs in the party bags! I was called common, told it was dangerous and lots of other offensive and ridiculous words!

Doggity · 07/09/2016 14:30

Yep YABU, especially if parents are generally well catered for in your circle. A biscuit isn't really enough.

Original poster
Willow33 · 07/09/2016 14:31

Party is 2.30-5pm.
Thanks for the tips everyone - I will do wine and beers too and maybe some extra party food for the parents as well as the other things I said in my OP.

OP posts:
SandyPantz · 07/09/2016 14:31

I've been to kids parties where wine was served.. I very much appreciated it :-D

however whenever I've offered a tipple at any I've hosted I always got "oh no just water" from parents :-S

the parent's spread is almost always help yourself, I don't have time to take individual orders.

MitzyLeFrouf · 07/09/2016 14:35

People seem glad to busy themselves making tea if they feel awkward stood around.

That's true. Some people are glad of something to do.

Original poster
Willow33 · 07/09/2016 14:35

It is a different type of party than the ones we went to. DH and I will be very focussed on looking after the children and supervising their activities. We couldn't do the whole soft play/ hire a hall/ entertainer thing.
The parties we have been to have not had hardly any games for the children - they were just left to do their own playing. So we won't be able to do full on catering for the parents but if you read my posts, you will see what I have said I will do.

Btw, all parties had alcohol there and so will mine! Who doesn't like a glass of Prosecco? Smile

OP posts:
LeonardInTheArgosBag · 07/09/2016 14:36

Adults can go for 2.5 hours without eating. Biscuits and tea is fine. Wine would be a bonus!

SandyPantz · 07/09/2016 14:39

well IMO party games for below 4/5 tend to fall flat on their face LOL

even at 4, LOTS of party games is quite ambitious, after one or two they'll probably just wanna run around and play

Party games work at 5, 6 and 7, then from 7/8 they're naff and they just want a "theme" (disco, activity, pamper etc)

As parents I think we think that party games are a lovely idea but there's a narrow window where they really work IMO

Amelie10 · 07/09/2016 14:43

I think it's bad manners not to provide food if you are hosting an event. It's only 8-10 kids, hardly that many. Can you really not make a platter of sandwiches/ rolls?
Sorry but I think it's rude to just provide biscuits.

Arseicle · 07/09/2016 14:46

DH and I will be very focussed on looking after the children and supervising their activities

Why then do you want all the parents to stay at all?

MarmiteMakesMeHappy · 07/09/2016 14:52

My DC are a bit older now, but when one of them had a party, it's about them and their friends, not running around after the adults.

I would fuck the tea off as that's a right hassle and do an adult table with:

Sparkling Water
Wine
Beer
Breadsticks
Dips
Grown Up Crisps
Cheeseboard
Baguette
Biscuits.

The End.

I think you will be hard pushed to get complete structure into a party of 3/4 year olds but a couple of games like musical statues and pass the parcel will keep them coming back to a bit of focus/calm.

Good luck :)

Alpies · 07/09/2016 14:53

I don't get kids parties where there is nothing provided for the parents. It's taking time out of the parents day. At the very least some wine should be served. Best kids parties I've been to is where they have organised kids entertainers and allowed the parents to relax and enjoy some nice food and wine.

Sparklesilverglitter · 07/09/2016 14:53

Surely tea/coffee and biscuits is enough for the parents. Do people really expect more than that Confused

user1471552005 · 07/09/2016 14:54

Won't most parents be driving?

MarmiteMakesMeHappy · 07/09/2016 14:56

It's taking time out of the parents day.

Alpies is that really how you see an invitation to a party?

Someone has been kind enough to invite your DC, play with them, feed them and you are not obliged to stay.

I never expected anything. A glass of wine at pick up was nice and if I stayed because they were small or the host encouraged it, a few crisps might be welcome, but really?

SandyPantz · 07/09/2016 14:56

Won't most parents be driving?

not if it's at home or near school/nursery, most would walk surely?

Most parties DDs friends have are near school because that'll be easy for everyone to get to. People car share if its an out of the way party

Eatthecake · 07/09/2016 14:56

Not unreasonable at all

After 4 DC and a lot of parties, I can tell you I've only ever done sparkling water/tea/coffee and some fancy biscuits. No body has ever complained and I've never expected more than that at children's parties and I'm a bit Confused as to why any parent expects more than that tbh

Pinkheart5915 · 07/09/2016 14:57

Yanbu

Tea/coffee and maybe some sparkling water along with cake or biscuits will be fine. I can't believe many parents expect more than that

ample · 07/09/2016 15:03

At this age it's a social occasions for the parents too, who may well help you out with the children, so don't make them feel like they're an inconvenience.

^^ Agree.
Some parents may become friends - your friends, and be willing to help out with future events which is always a huge help when celebrations increase in size Smile

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 07/09/2016 15:04

I do a joint birthday/summer party. The parents, DD's friends and their siblings all come. The children get to run around with the older ones in charge (they love it). Whilst we parents sit in the sunshine, with wine, beer, soft drinks, bbq and no 'end' time so all can stay as long as they like.

It's a really good and quite stress-free way of getting to know people.

RunningLulu · 07/09/2016 15:10

If they catered for adults at their parties surely it's unreasonable and rude not to reciprocate? By all means do what you can, but it doesn't take much time effort or money to lay on a bit of a spread for 8-10 adults. Can have pizza like someone else suggested, nibbles, drinks etc.