To want a fifth child at nearly 40?

[Conniedescending]

I turn 40 next year, DH is five years older. We have 4 between the ages of 14 and 9. We mused about a fifth for 2-3 years after our youngest but I went back to work full time and built up my career, we focused on moving to a larger home etc.

Last year I had an unexpected pg which ended in mc at 9 weeks. Was gutted and considered a termination but ultimately we had decided to go ahead when I had the miscarriage. We talked a couple of months later but DH was very firm he didnt want another child. His age, the ages of our children, next stage of life etc. I agreed at the time although if he'd have said he wanted to I would have gone with it. I've tried to move on in my head and get back to feeling baby days are over but I can't. I'm 40 next year and thinking I have limited time. Not sure whether to bring up the discussion again but need to be clear in my own thoughts before I even suggest it to DH. All a bit muddled but any thoughts?

Just to add a post to balance all the doom and gloom about older children and a big gap..

my kids were 12, 9, 6, 6 when DC5 was born. They absolutely adored him. He had health issues for the first 2 years. He never slept etc. But DC loved him. The older ones especially were very proud. They never had to babysit by the way! But they often offer to!

Yes it is in some way like having an only child (with big gap and older kids at school/different interests) but what is so bad about that? We still have family holidays and days out and it's absolutely fine. Plenty of quality time with DC5 whilst older ones at school etc. The older ones do play with them too. Christmas etc absolutely fine. As for age, having a baby around 40 is extremely common where I live. I don't see the need for doom and gloom about that either!! Some of my older friends have more energy than me!!

I am nine years younger than my brother, who is in turn fifteen months younger than my sister. Such a long gap means the youngest will have little in common with his older sibs. They will always view him as the baby, and resent how things have changed.

I had baby 11 at 42. Well received - screams and all - by every single one of them! Oldest wen to uni. Next 3 college. All doing exceedingly well. 2 on the gifted and talented register. No disadvantages to it in our opinion.

Just wanted to say that I'm one of four and there was lots wrong with my childhood but I loved my sibs and would have been delighted with another.

No disadvantages to it in our opinion.

Is that also the view of your older DCs?

I'd say age gaps can appear large at the beginning, but there's a 9 year gap between the oldest and youngest in my FOO (family of origin), so the 40 and 49 year old are in a bracket. It irons itself out later in life.

It can mean that their DC (DC of siblings) are in very different age groups, so they don't get the really close cousin relationship, like those of similar ages, but you can't think of everything.

"No disadvantages to it in our opinion"

I imagine someone with 11 children really loves having loads of children so this view would be somewhat biased.

As is mine, I hasten to add, as I only have one

I have a 10 yo DD and a 14m DD (lost a few between and got divorced and new DP), I am 41 and would be happy to have another. I think that the age gap works well as my two adore each other and don't bicker really. I wouldn't worry about your age or the age gap if you AND your partner are keen. As for grandchildren, my ex's brother has a new grandson at 39 whilst my ex at 43 has just had a baby - your children will reach their own milestones when they are ready, not much you can do about it!

Your husband is opposed, so that's that, really. It doesn't matter what we say.

I don't think you're too mature though - 39 is older than average, but not notably old.

11 children

Anyway, in non-crazyville, think seriously about how much adult support you can give them. Many kids now need to live at home as adults, they need uni funding or deposits for rentals.