Nan's Jewellery: Is my cousin is being bu or am I?

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Hi guys, new poster obviously hint the name lol

My mother passed away a few months ago and in her jewellery box was some of our nan jewels, in particular our nan wedding ring. My mum was our nan next of kin, she died in 2009

I was having a conversation with my cousin because me and my siblings will be selling our mums jewellery and my cousin asked if our nans ring was in the collection, i told her yes.

She started saying how she doesn't want that sold and how it wasn't left to my mum, that nothing was in the will ect and that her mum should keep it

However if her mum keeps it, when her mum dies she will get it.
I said I want the ring and I will not sell it but she rang her mum saying how she needs to take the ring out as our nan never left it to my mum, it was left to nobody.

I feel like she has no right to say anything, end of the day it was left with my mum, if my mum hadn't died she would still have it.

Aibu?

This part is missing from your OP and, by the sounds of it, your cousin's thinking: "my aunt and mother divided my nan's jewellery between them at the time"

If the aunt wants the ring then she should have it, if she doesn't then it should stay where it is.

But absolutely don't sell it. Although I find it off when people sell their loved ones things anyway.

My mother passed away a few months ago and in her jewellery box was some of our nan jewels, in particular our nan wedding ring. My mum was our nan next of kin, she died in 2009

I think a lot of people have missed this bit.
It has NOTHING to do with your cousin! The jewellery was divided between the daughters, OP's mum and aunt, when the gm died. The cousin is now trying to get granny's ring now that OP's mum has died. Cousin should keep her nose out. How you and your siblings divide the jewellery has nothing to do with the cousin.

Did your nan have an engagement ring? As in did your mum take the wedding ring and her sister the engagement ring?

I'm confused - you say you told her it was in the collection to be sold, but now you're saying it won't be sold?

Which is it?

If you are very hard up, why not sell it to her? You could explain that, financially, the division has already been done (between your mum and hers).

But I do see why she might be worried you'll sell it, if you told her it was in the collection you are selling.

I would tell the cousin bluntly to jog on. She had the chain 7 years ago after nan died. Her mum shared the remaining jewellery at the time. That's it. You cannot come along 7 years later, when everything has been sorted and say actually I now want that.. Who is to stop her from coming back in another 7 years and saying I want this.

This, completely. Your cousin is being unreasonable if bits were sorted 7 years ago. Tough, tell her no.

If you look at this problem as an outsider, which obviously we all are on MN, the ring is a lump of gold weighing maybe 5 grams.

If you sold it as scrap it would raise about £100. That is what it will be in two generations' time when the emotional connection is lost. So Is it worth creating emotional drama and grudges between people who do remember the owner for that amount of real money?

It clearly meant more to your mum than your aunt if she cherished it all these years. I'd keep it and tell cousin to sod off.

The point is that the ring was something which was given to the OP's mother by her mother and later agreed to by her sisters. When the OP's mother died she legally inherited the ring and the cousin has no claim on it. The OP has stated categorically she wants only to sell her mother's jewellery, not her Nan's because of the sentimental value. So the cousin has no legal claim nor a moral claim because the OP wants to keep the ring for sentimental reasons not because of its value. Its a no brainer! YANBU

I'd assume that your dm and aunt chose which bits of the jewellery they wanted. At that point your aunt didn't want the ring and chose something equivalent.

If you give it to your aunt then she is taking more of the estate than she should have.

if you were going to sell it, then I'd say offering it to her first refusal at a slight discount would be kind-possibly you should do that with the jewellery you're going to sell in case there are things she would feel sentimental about.

However as you want to keep it, then you tell her no, you treasure it for sentimental reasons and are not prepared to sell it.

I think your cousin is being unreasonable, the daughters already split their mothers jewellery, when your mother passed away, you I herited what was once hers.

I don't think just because the "aunt" is the remaining child she should get it. I wear my great grandmother's engagment ring my Nan and great aunt are alive and week, as I'd my mother. But the ring is mine given to me for me to wear, by my grandmother when her and her sister split the jewellery. So I'm the 4th generation but have possession iyswim.

Your cousin is being completely unreasonable. I agree with PP telling her to jog on. The ring is none of her business.

"If you sold it as scrap it would raise about £100. That is what it will be in two generations' time when the emotional connection is lost."

What an odd thing to say, SgtMajorMummy. That isn't how heirlooms work. The longer they are in the family, the more emotional value they acquire.

I have items from my great-great grandmother that have little re-sale value, but I'd never dream of selling them as they have been passed down four generations to get to me.

I think you should keep it if you genuinely want it. Your nan died 7 years ago - that is long enough for her children to have fairly distributed her possessions. Your aunt had some of her jewellery and your mum had other jewellery, including this ring. This was agreed upon between the two sisters. Now your mum has passed (sorry to hear this, by the way) it is yours. If you didn't care about the ring, I would tell you to give it to your aunt, but as you do care about it, I think you are entitled to it.
Just my thoughts, I have no idea about legalities but morally that would seem right to me.

I think if your aunt wants the ring she should have it as its her parents marriage it symbolises. If she doesn't want it and it's going to get sold (which is what your original post sounded like and possible what your cousin thinks) your cousin should have it. If your aunt doesn't want it and you are going to keep it then that's fine. I'd really try not to get bogged down in who gets what who deserves what different things have different meanings memories to people if it's not that sentimental to you don't fall out with people at what must be a very difficult time for you

Aunt and your mum have already divided nan's jewellery up when nan died. Aunt obviously chose some pieces and your mum chose some. Your mum's are now yours (or as per her will), your cousin has no say in what your mum took at the time of nan's death, she will have to wait until her mum dies and hope she gets left some in her will.

Now, if your Aunt had asked, then I would feel that's a little different. As nan's surviving daughter (and providing you think your mum would have some similarly), I'd give Aunt the ring. However Aunt isn't asking, her daughter is. Jog on.

A lot of posters misreading here. OP is not selling the ring.

How anyone can suggest you don't keep it is ridiculous. If it was for your aunt she would have got it 7 years ago. Your cousin is BU.

When my great-grandmother passes there was a big fuss because she didn't leave anyone her engagement ring in her will. It was silver and only sentimental no diamond, etc. I lived with her for years and she had given me it while she was still alive a few years before she passed, i wore it every day. My aunt (so her daughter's daughter) demanded it and I told her where to go and hid it. They thought I'd just took it I was v hurt but I still have it.

Passed not passes*

DeadGood I did say "as an outsider"...

I personally have my beloved grandmother's engagement ring, which my own was modelled upon. I intend to give it to DS if and when he finds the right person. He can use it any way he likes (as it is, sell it, melt it down, use the diamonds) as the original owner died ^25 years before he was even born^ and I wouldn't dream of imposing my choices on his future partner.

My engagement ring will go to DD. Same conditions.

Call me odd, but you have to let go some time.