what's Posh & what's not

[Tellmewhywhywhy]

Please some one enlighten me about - what makes one posh & some not. The request for enlightenment, comes post frequent episodes of cold shouldering from one of the Mum's at school. I suspect that " Posh Not" might be the reason for such behaviour. 😉

She's wannabe posh. A snob.
Judgy, rude and impressed by shiny status symbols.
Stay Clear.

Designer labels = chav

My neighbour dresses her kid in Burberry. She thinks she's posh. She's not.

I drive a scruffy, old car. I have never come across this attitude at the school gates. Even from the shiny car drivers outside a very expensive school. I wear high street clothes too - as did most mothers. One of the scruffiest dropped a note off once. It was from Lady xxxx - inherited.

I always think it is funny that people on here say true aristocrats are never snobby, when apparently amongst many in the upper class, Carol Middletons nickname is door-to-manual. An example of crashing snobbery

Maybe she is just lacking social skills, or a bit introverted or shy?

Of course true aristocrats can be snobby, they just hide it better behind all that fake politeness and very stiff upper lip.
There are poor snobs too, I've met a few. It takes all sorts.

I always think it is funny that people on here say true aristocrats are never snobby, when apparently amongst many in the upper class, Carol Middletons nickname is door-to-manual. An example of crashing snobbery

In fairness, while it's possible this is true, it's equally (or more) possible it's an unpleasant tabloid 'factoid' invented because at some level there's a huge amount of resistance to the (again, possible media myth) of Carole Middleton raising her daughter to set her cap at the future king and inveigle herself, or at least her grandchildren, into royalty. I find people in this country quite resistant to what they consider 'social climbing' even if they appear in favour, in theory of 'social mobility'.

And yup, it's hilarious to regularly hear on Mn the old chestnut that the UC aren't snobbish, and are generally delightful and hail fellow well met with everyone, when they're as liable to be lovely or to be bastards as anyone else.

I do think, though, that they are generally highly unlikely to judge on the absence of the kind of visible displays of wealth the OP seems to be describing, when in fact a shiny white 4x4/permatan/expensive dentistry/flash clothes etc etc would code as 'nouveau riche' for them.

Just remember, there's a difference between the Titled and the Entitled.

I like that phrase. I should put that in a book about the middle class snobby mummies

Wtf is meant by doors to manual?

DH's family are what I consider posh - old money but without any pretentious need to show it off. However MIL is a complete snob. Sometimes posh folk are snobby, just like not-posh folk can be.

I'm absolutely not posh, but can pass for being educated and was made to speak Queen's English by my snob-mother. We are probably financially better-off than 95% of the families at the DCs schools because of DH's job. Our shit still stinks, though, and I don't let DH forget it (he can occasionally be a little snobby, too). There's no point looking down on folk because you have no idea who they are underneath their school-run overcoat.

Posh = covered in dog hair :) HTH

Princess Diana also reported being treated badly by the Royal Family as a result of not understanding various expectations about how she should behave on family occasions. She wrote about her first Christmas at Buckingham Palace and she was treated snobbishly.

The Upper Class are still people, some of whom will be lovely, some of whom will be snobby.

My children attend a semi-smart West London prep. The only blanking I've ever received was from a woman who is, plainly speaking, very new and very huge money. This hardly means anything, though, most of the money in London is new.

I was harassing my lovely friend who is kind of friendly with her after mucho vino one night, as in: 'What is her problem? How could anyone be so rude? I've never encountered anything of the sort! WTF?' ... and so on.

Finally she just said, quietly, 'look Museum - she's just a bit rough, you know?'

Morris, Carole Middleton worked as an air hostess when she was younger - the 'doors to manual' references are supposedly jibes made about her made by upper-class acquaintances when she inadvertently shows her 'low' origins by using non-U words like 'toilet'. Probably more a tabloid myth than anything approaching reality.

Morris, Carole Middleton worked as an air hostess when she was younger - the 'doors to manual' references are supposedly jibes made about her made by upper-class acquaintances when she inadvertently shows her 'low' origins by using non-U words like 'toilet'. Probably more a tabloid myth than anything approaching reality.

I totally agree. I'm sure CM manages just fine, she's been moving in upper-middle class circles for years. I doubt she's a fish out of water, much as the DM would like us to believe so.

She could be a snob, I don't think she'd be like this if she was just posh.

Or - she might just be very shy. I think that shyness can often come across as rudeness or cold shouldering.

^^
What rivertam said.

She could be a giant snob.

But then, more than one person has told me over the years that they thought I was a dreadful snob, looking down my nose at people, before they really got to know me (including a number of people for my entire first year at Uni)

I am well spoken, well dressed and well educated. I am also bone-crushingly shy with new people and have no talent for small talk. I try, I really do, but it ends up translating as "I think I'm too good to bother talking to you".

Once people get to know me they realise I'm actually a bleeding heart leftie with a filthy sense of humor who'd always always rather be drinking beer in a pool bar with sticky floors than drinking cocktails in a fancy hotel.

Could that be it with this woman? Is she the same with other people?

I work with some very posh people and some people who think they are posh. The main difference is you generally wouldn't guess that the posh people come from money as they never talk about it, are utterly lovely and down to earth. The ones who think they are posh look down on everyone and talk of money endlessly.

OP - reverse your attitude. Stop wondering why this woman doesn't like you. Even if she did, would you actually want to be friends with this woman?

Absolutely, Vanilla. I'm always mildly baffled by so many threads worrying desperately about whether some virtual stranger or vague school gate acquaintance doesn't like the OP. My approach is always 'Do I like this new person?', as there's very little I can do about someone else's feelings, and frankly, my own are more important to me. It doesn't matter if someone thinks I'm the bee's knees if I don't like him/her.

Do you like this person, OP, based on her behaviour, which, if you're right, makes her a shallow, materialistic brand snob, and rude into the bargain? I can't imagine why you would, which resolves everything nicely.

I got accused of being a snob once. It seems the only reason was because I don't have the regional accent and I was a bit aloof. The reality was, I was a bit shy at the time and I was just trying to get my kids to school and get the toddlers home with my sanity intact.

I wouldn't be bothered at all but unfortunately her & my DD's are very good friends. It's a lovely group of 4 & we all have frequent play dates & days out ( minus her in anything I arrange or organise) . She seems to be very friendly to the rest of the mums. I attributed her behaviour to being shy or just finding it difficult to start a conversation. But with passing days it becoming clear that , it's not the case. I will give you certain examples-
They couldn't make it to my DD's birthday and sent a standard text to apologies for not being able to come & thats fine by me. Few days after the birthday, her daughter ( who btw is absolutely lovely ) innocently complained about not being invited for the birthday & missing out on the party bag other kids received. Next day I sent a spare party bag . No response to say thank you . ( that's was the start , when I had not quiet guaged the problem & simply attribute it to shyness etc). Second example,we were at a common party & I was with a few other mums sitting around a table. I left for a minute and came back to find that she had moved my bag, put it on the floor and started talking to another mum. I picked up my bag and sat on the next chair . No apology for moving my bag unnecessarily or eye contact.

Well parents might lie about a party if they'd something else planned and didn't want whining about missing a party. Did the party bag make it home? If DS git a party bag in school it would be demolished by hometime.

The bag thing sounds odd on both sides. How do you know it was her who moved it?

Unfortunately OP, even if you find the reason it won't change anything.

I was treated as "not good enough" by another mother all through school and she did her damndest to steer her daughter away from DD to be more friendly with others who, for whatever reason, were considered more worthy. Annoying because she is so nice to others but there was nothing that was going to change no matter what I did so I just ignored it (despite being sorely tempted at times)
The best revenge is living well so just do what you have to for your DDs to be friends but don't make efforts to befriend the mum and enjoy your own life with others

for you OP. I've been (still am, actually) in your position. The only thing to do is to accept that this woman is rude and has no manners.

Keep your dignity. Smile and be polite. But keep your distance and be absolutely lovely to the woman's DD because she is your DD's friend.