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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh is being unreasonable about this holiday isn't he?

55 replies

Soubriquet · 04/09/2016 21:21

We go on holiday a week on Monday.
I've posted before about it and the tension and chaos that will be caused by family but hey ho. Off we go.

Talking to Dh about it today and he mentioned about Dd sticking to her normal bed time of 6pm latest. I said don't be silly, it's a holiday. You can be flexible. He wants to keep it like that so that when we come home, her bed time stays the same.

He is being unreasonable right?

Dd is 3 btw

OP posts:
WankersHacksandThieves · 04/09/2016 21:59

It's holiday, I'd be getting baby DS to sleep in the buggy when he is tired and staying out with both until a bit later and then you could take it in turns to go back to the van when she is tired out and needing bed, be that 7, 8, 9 or later. Actually I'd be taking two buggies and letting her drop off in one if she was tired too and then enjoying the evening out.

RB68 · 04/09/2016 21:59

Well if you send him in to be with her at 6pm after a couple of nights he will really understand why the majority of parents relax bedtime on holiday and soon change his tune. Routine is easy to get back into when you get back just takes a few days.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 04/09/2016 22:00

Ha, my DH was always making pronouncements like that. I don't argue. We get there, see how it goes and adapt as necessary. No point having detailed discussion before you've even got there. In that situation, I'd have sympathy with him not wanting the pain of resetting bed time but I'd not be putting in much effort towards getting DD into bed early if she's happy up. If he's that bothered, he can make the extra effort to make it happen.

I'm very anti any pronouncements that are actually a direction on how I should behave, "nah mate, I'll do my bedtimes my way". Pronouncements that are about how he will choose to behave, fine, "knock yourself out mate".

Jengnr · 04/09/2016 22:00

Depends on the child. I'd love to let my three year old be more flexible on bedtimes but if he doesn't go within about half an hour of his bedtime he turns into a little horror. He's the same the following morning too because he doesn't sleep in to compensate.

trafalgargal · 04/09/2016 22:00

Mine loved his bed and 6pm bedtime lasted til he was nearly 7.
Holidays he just stayed up later, when he was buggy age he'd often fall asleep in that but was always back on schedule as soon as we got home.

Sounds pretty boring to do nothing every single evening on holiday TBH

Original poster
Soubriquet · 04/09/2016 22:01

I would love ds to fall asleep in the buggy. But he won't

He would rather cry and scream than crash..

OP posts:
LouBlue1507 · 04/09/2016 22:03

Gosh when my parents took us on holiday we'd all be out until 1,2, 3 in the morning! 😱 I was in my teens and my brother and sister were 5 and 3! Bedtime went out the window on holidays and we loved it!

cece · 04/09/2016 22:05

But if she goes to bed at 6pm you won't be able to go out for the evening?

I think I'd go out with DC in buggy and let them fall asleep in that. Allowing me to have a drink play bingo.

Original poster
Soubriquet · 04/09/2016 22:06

I'll have time out in the evening. Switching rotation of adults remember

OP posts:
cardibach · 04/09/2016 22:06

We always eat around 4, 4.30 anyway
How does this work Soubriquet ?
I can't see how it is compatible with normal life at all. Also, aren't you so hungry by the middle of the night that you wake up? 6 is early because most people wouldn't eat until at least then. What will happen when your DCs go to schoo, and might not be home that early?

Original poster
Soubriquet · 04/09/2016 22:08

No

Usually I do the dc their food at 4/4.30 and my and Dh eat on our own later on.

Unless it's a proper family meal then I might have a snack later on in the evening but it's rare.

OP posts:
Original poster
Soubriquet · 04/09/2016 22:09

Obviously when they go to school, things will be moved to later times

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 04/09/2016 22:15

The problem is not their routine at home,if it works...it works.

We had very strict routines with dd at home as she was a nightmare going to bed/ sleeping,but on holiday we always loosen up. She got to enjoy the games in the evening,the kids entertainment,some nights even the grownups if it was smth she enjoyed. So i don't think YABU .
Is OH insisting on this,as due to the amount of people involved,you'd be hard pressed to actually spend some time just by yourselves?

CathFromCooberPedy · 04/09/2016 22:15

foof stop projectin. No one is trying to make the OP feel guilty. She has said her dc sleep until 7 so most of us will be jealous.

6pm seems early is all a lot of us are saying. 6pm on this Spanish holiday would not have worked for us. If you're going away with others you need to be a bit flexible which the OP wants to be according to her.

AmIwrongForDoingThis · 04/09/2016 22:20

Some children just won't fall asleep in a buggy.

DS is 3 and has the ability to fall asleep wherever we happen to be if he's tired enough.

DD on the other hand is 18 months and would scream the place down if she's strapped in a buggy and tired. She won't go to sleep in one for love nor money.

We are going abroad on Saturday so will have to stick to her normal 7pm bedtime. There are four adults so we will rotate like OP to make sure everybody gets a break and a chance to sample the entertainment.

leccybill · 04/09/2016 22:21

If you have preschoolers and you've no need to be up very early, can you not push it to 7pm and let her sleep til 8/830am?

6pm is awfully early. Is one of you not at work and therefore not really seeing the DC at all in the evenings?

Original poster
Soubriquet · 04/09/2016 22:22

Dh isn't insisting per se. He is just trying to point out reasons why.

He doesn't come up to us until day 2 because of work anyway so I have the first night on my own with her. Can test the waters then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Soubriquet · 04/09/2016 22:23

Dd goes to pre-school, I'm a SAHM and Dh works shifts

He does 6-2 one week and 2-10 the next. He also has weekends off so plenty of family time

OP posts:
thenightsky · 04/09/2016 22:24

Where are you going on holiday?

Sorry if you said already, but I'm skim-reading as I've been drinking Blush

mummymummums · 04/09/2016 22:26

Can't help noticing that when describing how the 6pm bedtime would work, OP says:

So on night I'll stay in the caravan, the next night my parents will, the night after that my nan will.

OP, if your DH not taking a turn st staying in, then I don't think he should get to decide the bedtime when other people have to stay in to watch his child. Grin

YouMakeMyDreams · 04/09/2016 22:27

We were on holiday with another family this year that tried to get a toddler to sleep at their usual time to keep up routine. What actually happened is everyone sneaked around for 3 hours while they took turns trying to settle an excited child in a strange place. You may find that she just won't go down at that time anyway. You may find with so much going on your routine loving ds doesn't either. Dd was like that at home nothing kept her rom her routine. Away from home on holiday or at weddings she was the life and soul until way after my bedtime.

Original poster
Soubriquet · 04/09/2016 22:27

Only to butlins Grin

He will stay in one night too. Either with me and keep me company, or on his own and send me out

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 04/09/2016 22:30

Op i think testing the water for the first two nights is fine. She might be too tired to stay up anyways,or she might enjoy the entertainment and staying up late. As long as there's some leeway and willingness to be flexible and consider her cues things will be fine.

P.s. Good luck...having the family there will be enough hassle

OlennasWimple · 04/09/2016 22:33

If you are keeping your other DC's routine the same, I can see how it would be easiest to do the same for your DD. But I'd be a bit more flexible about it - say you are at the entertainment and an act she really wants to see is about to come on, I wouldn't make her leave just because it was heading towards her 6.30pm bedtime

HeddaGarbled · 04/09/2016 23:02

Totally agree with RunRabbitRunRabbit, this is not worth arguing about before you go. Just say "yes dear" or a non-committal "mmm hmmm" and then do what works best once you're there.