Having had a good old read of several threads about struggles of being a parent - Aibu to ask why do we do it ? ! Positives / negatives - the lot!

[ginorwine]

As for Dh and I we didn't plan to .
At age 34 , and he biological clock - Which I thought was a myth - stole my mind ! 😉

If you list all the pros and cons, no one would ever have a child! It's utter madness!

If we listed the pros and cons I'm not sure the human race would survive! But they are very funny and the silliness always makes me cheer up.

Yep they are funny as owt but so frustrating and irrational at times.

I look at pregnant ladies when they are massive with the bump and think 'you poor bugger, you've no idea how your life's gonna be turned upside down'

I'm one of those women Honkhonk Ok, only 5 months but still shitting myself.

I know that people post on AIBU about inept husbands and partners which means you don't hear about the ones who actively share parenting, but it genuinely makes me worried for life when my baby arrives! I've had many, many conversations with DH and his approach is 100% 50/50 parenting but I'm worried that everyone starts out saying this but that it never really materialises once baby is here....

To be fair, that's stressing me out more than anything right now.

The pro is the wonderful relationship I now have with my adult DC
The con was the hard work to get here (single parent since they were 4 and 5)
The answer is firm boundaries, love, patience and when that fails more love

Phoebe I would say, just to prepare you. And from own experience (I have a 22 month old and a 1 month old) and those of my friends, it is virtually impossible to 50/50 parent in the early days - particularly if you breastfeed, yes you SH can help with nappies etc but the bulk of the 'work' will fall to you, especially while you are on mat leave.

I only say this as the reality of this only smacked my squarely in the face when DS was born! I wish I'd realised earlier!

We do it because it's hard wired in.

All our experiences are different. Pro's are endless. Con's are endless. We can only hope the former outweighs the latter by the end of it.

Just to add .
My d ail doesn't want Dc and when we meet I can guess that she thinks it looks terrible - the compromises etc etc
I'm not saying I regret having dc - although in fits of annoyance or a low mood ,I have felt that - I love them more than I thought possible
(However we never as a young couple planned them )
The thread is more to generate discussion ( another thing I enjoy !) about the mad journey of parent hood - the highs and lows , the love , the pain - and a fascination about why we do it , and what it feels like to individual parents .

I never wanted children, I loved my career, my holidays, my freedom etc... and then I hit 40 and had a complete Where am I going, what have I achieved? type meltdown and decided I didn't want to not experience motherhood and regret it later in life. So we had our DD and 7 months after she was born I discovered I'm pregnant again (the result of just one night out with a bottle of wine and a babysitter!) . So here we are I'm 9 months pregnant and about to have my second baby with just 16 months between them. For me it's been a huge life change, I'm 43! I've decided people don't tell you the truth about parenthood and how hard it is, perhaps for fear of being judged or perceived to be a bad parent.

I think there are several reasons we do it, there are those who 'want' and often have always wanted to have children, there are those who do it to please others e.g.: parents who go on about wanting to be grandparents or a partner who longs for a child and then there are those who bow down to social pressure and feel they 'ought' to achieve this life goal otherwise they've missed out on something they'll regret later in life.

Because even though I'm exhausted, my 5 week old baby smells amazing and has just started smiling at me

For me it is like being in love but in a different way .

In shock
I was in my mid thirties when I had dc and I had two under two also .
It's a roller coaster I agree - my second was a surprise also .
Embrace . My dc are now teens and are very close .

Phoebe - I consider my husband quite hands on compared to most you read about here. Adjusting to parenthood can be hard for both of you so my advice is that you need to keep talking. Sometimes splitting things exactly 50 50 doesn't always work. We adjusted who did what several times in the first few months until we both felt happy. Don't let resentment build. I resented him for having time out of the house and that his life wasn't so fundamentally different day to day and he resented me for being there to see the baby do new things etc. Just talk and work together and you will be fine.

It's a lot of fun as well as hard work. Good luck.

Phoebe I know we're only 5 weeks in but my husband is a wonderful father already, he took to it like a natural and if it's possible I love him even more than I did before. I think the key is to try not to snap at each other when you're tired and don't compare who has a 'harder' time as it only leads to resentment.

I have actually been put off having children by being on MN.

I wasn't sure and over the years have come to decide I don't want them. A lot of threads on MN have really been the nail in the coffin. It doesn't sound or look very rewarding from where I'm sitting.

Today has been a shocker day but now the 18month old is asleep on my shoulder and the five year old is snuggled up to me as he watches telly and it just feels lovely.

I love them. Like crazy love them. I think they are clever and funny and exciting. they are cute and inquisitive.