To write a letter to DD's new teacher?

[Pollypickpocket]

DD(7) goes back to school next week and her teacher is new to the school. He didn't come in at the end of last term so DD and I haven't met him yet.

This summer, DD has been having terrible anxiety. It's usually to do with being locked in somewhere or being lost. It's getting so bad that she won't go to the toilet during the day because she's scared of shutting the door. As a result, she has wet the bed a few times over the holiday. She also has been generally quite down and moody. I have been trying various different ways of supporting her and am still trying to get an appointment with the GP.

Yesterday she realised that going into Year 3 next week means she'll have to use the shared junior's bathroom. This means either a) leaving the door open and having the other children see her wee, b) shutting the door and sending herself into a panic or c) not going to the bathroom at all, potentially risking having an accident at school. I know it sounds trivial but it really has DD worked up. She was in tears both yesterday and today just thinking about it.

She goes to breakfast club in the mornings as I won't be able to drop her to class, which means I won't get to have a word with the new teacher. Should I put this all down in a letter in an envelope for DD to hand to him on the first day, or wait until after school when I could phone him or ask for him to phone me? Although this means that she'll probably go the whole day without using the bathroom and worrying about it.

If I should write the letter, how much detail should I include/what sort of wording or tone should I use? I want it to be taken seriously as I am very concerned about DD at the moment and would like the school's support, but I don't want to come across as a pushy PFB parent to the new teacher before I've even met him. It could make him treat DD differently to the way he would have done otherwise.

Definitely contact them Friday before term starts. It is probably more common than you think - kids have worries about all sorts of things. As another person suggested there might be a staff toilet - or the TA might be able to do a toilet run with her at some point. Try not to worry

Thank you all for your advice and support. I tried calling a few times today but there was no answer. DD isn't actually back until Tuesday so perhaps Monday is their INSET.

I also tried getting a doctors appointment again to no avail. I've lost track of the amount of times I've tried now. They have a really stupid booking system which you have to call at 6am on the day that you want to make the appointment and use the automated system, which repeatedly cuts you off until about 6.30 and then tells you that all the appointments are gone (probably to people who weren't being cut off for half an hour.) I'll keep trying.

I'd email it in this weekend then give her a print out to hand in too in case it hasn't been read.

Sorry if this isn't a helpful suggestion but does she have any close friends from last year who could come to the loo with her and hold the door closed (but unlocked)? Just as a stop gap to put in place for the start of term. Hope you get your doctors appointment soon.

Could she carry a tall backpack everywhere and use it to prop the door to. That way she doesn't have to close it right on but it's shut enough for modesty.

Ring the teacher - they would rather know so they can make sure she is ok. They may use a TA to ensure your daughter can use the bathroom alone if needed. Most important to speak with class teacher rather than senco at this stage as they will be caring for your daughter day to day and they know the routines of the class. Hope her first day back goes ok

Hi all, sorry I haven't written back sooner. I didn't have anything to update until now. I finally managed to get a GP appointment and he more or less said see how it goes, which is fine. We were on the same page in terms of talking to her about solutions to being locked in etc. and about talking to the teacher.

I've been phoning the school today and on Friday but there has been no answer. I'm just going to have to go with the letter and then call later on in the day to make sure it's been received and ask for a call back from the teacher. I think having an adult be with her for a few minutes while she practises locking and unlocking the doors will help.

DD has been particularly difficult today - stroppy, rude, etc. I've tried not to pay it too much mind as I know it's just the nerves about tomorrow, I just hope that this doesn't become another side of it all because I have found it very hard!

What time do you drop her off?
The teacher may well be there, the HT should definitely be there.

If really want to speak to someone, explaining this is serious, rather than leaving a letter.

Actually if the HT isn't there, could you speak to the breakfast club staff and ask them to pass on the letter, they do need be aware of the issue.

Unfortunately the breakfast club is at a different school on the same street and the staff walk the children to the school from there. As DD's school is so small they don't have a breakfast club of their own.

I would give it to the staff to hand in but I think it has more chance of being handed in if DD does it herself - they tend to walk the younger ones to their class and leave the older ones to walk in themselves. It's not an ideal set up and I would be taking DD in myself if I could but there really is no other way around it.

Perhaps if I write an email to the office now it will be seen first thing in the morning?

Yes that's a great idea. It's really bad that you've been trying to get through to them since Friday and no one is answering the phone.

I know. Communication with parents has always been very poor with her school, especially parents who work FT. There were issues with bullying in Year 1 (which could be partially where this stemmed from, as the other child told her she would lock DD and her family in her house and set fire to it) and no one returned my calls or email requests for a meeting about it. I really hope it's different this time!

A child was threatening to set fire to your house and the school wouldn't reply to your calls or emails?! That's absolutely dreadful!

Do you have confidence that the school will deal with this recent issue properly?

In fairness I hadn't actually specified why I needed someone to contact me when that was going on. I would rather have discussed it in person so I just that it was urgent and I would like to arrange a meeting about something that had been going on, which was repeatedly ignored. Last year the only time I communicated with the teacher was on parents' evenings, although I hadn't pushed contact as much as I had the previous year. This teacher is brand new to the school though so I'm trying to keep an open mind and start the year off positively.