To expect my baby to sleep?

[BrightOranges]

OK I know this has been done to death but please, please, please! Why won't my baby sleep?!

I'm going mad with my own lack of sleep. I don't mean that flippantly. Single parent of two with no support. Always felt quite strong and in control but this is really getting to me.

I can't and won't do controlled crying. My back is killing me from keep leaning over the cot and trying to soothe. That doesn't always work either. Then when asleep, great! I edge out of the room but as soon as I leave "wahhhhhhhhhhhh" how does my baby know?!

15 months old and never sleeps more than two hours. But how when we went away and was in a travel cot slept through for the first (and last!) time ever 9pm-6am. I kept waking up alarmed listening for breathing.

Why doesn't my baby, well, sleep like a baby? And who are these babies that do? Not mine that's for sure!!

I feel like I can't cope and I don't like it. I'm so so tired every day all day. I also work. I'm becoming stressed and quickly irritated. I feel my body burning up all over during the night when baby wakes up crying. I know that doesn't help and they can sense it.

AIBU to want for us both to sleep?

Thank you Claireshh

I will try that. Although I get anxious thinking about the crying because I can't bear to hear the distress. But at the same time I'm very aware I need to sleep. There are a few soft toys already in the cot but maybe I should only have one special teddy?

The above actually is another form of cc it's not letting them cry!! And not soothing it's letting them cry but soothing them without picking up or feeding.

Far far too many myths and bad practice that tarnish CC

I've had to go in four times since I started this thread until eventually I picked her up, went to the loo (holding her), turned everything off and am now in bed with her feeding. I can't go on like this.

Cc is not about letting your child cry I soothed for hours or distressing them. wish people would listen and research properly instead of snap judging ( not meant for you op)

I don't understand thr concept that cc isn't letting them cry. It is. They are crying, not picking them up, therefore, it's letting them cry.

I just find it too distressing. If I pick her up she doesn't cry. If I don't, she cries.

I understand not wanting to let kids cio but I wonder if the week that you put them through it is worth it for the huge improvement in your mood and for the unbroken sleep that they need.

Don't pick her up tomorrow stroke her and stay by her. Be firm

why are you feeding a 15 month old? If she's thirsty give her a drink and let her feed herself.

Sorry op but if you really are at the end of your tether and want change you are going to have to dig deep and keep to a plan.

So tea, bath bef story and then sheep. Keep going in to reassure but don't pick up and don't take out of her room. Keep repeating and she will understand you mean business.

Your heed to sleep trumps her need to have you dancing attention all night. Look at it that way.

My dd was badly injured by someone who fell asleep at the wheel. He killed another person.

Sleep is vital. It's your right. She's not a newborn. Go for it op.

Thanks everyone. I will try something because I have to.

Now I am going to try to sleep. It won't be for long but sleep is definitely calling.

No they usually stop crying if you go
In and speak gently and massage them.

Op it's your life. That's my advice and cc changed my relationship with my dc. We were both so much happier sleeping. 2 nights of hard work were worth it.

Your call

Good luck xx

OP did you see my link?! It sounds like it could help you... It doesn't involve leaving them at all and you can modify it if you want to go at a slower pace.

You do not have to suck this up. You need to go to a local hospital sleep clinic and get this sorted out. Anyone who tells you this is just how babies sleep is pushing their own agenda or being defensive about their own choices. Your children need sleep and they WILL sleep if they are helped to learn how to do so.

The link below is one of many credible studies showing that cc methods do not harm babies. And they do absolutely lead to babies sleeping better in the vast majority of cases.

There are more and less radical versions of cc. No one is asking you to lock them alone in a room all night.

www.abc.net.au/news/2016-05-25/controlled-crying-babies-not-harmful-flinders-uni-study-finds/7443878

Go to a sleep clinic and get some help please. It doesn't have to be like this.

drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

I know that they are still crying with the method I followed. However, I felt OK about it as I wasn't leaving her. I was in her room until she was asleep. I also took the view that I was teaching her a skill. I was also on my bloody knees so I had to do something.

Yes, I took other teddies out of the cot. It stayed in the cot during the day. X

Thanks Absofrigginlootly

I'll take a look later. BTW last night was the worst night of sleep in months.

Poor you

I would stop feeding the baby at night, it's not needed, try just giving water.
To save my sanity I'd probably also try a dummy as the suckling is clearly a comfort thing.
I'd also get black out blinds / curtains and a fan as suggested above.

I hope you get some sleep soon.

OP I really feel for you. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture for a reason. I will probably get shot down in flames for this but could the BF be part of the problem? I loved feeding my Los but I think there does come a point when the negatives outweigh the positives - i.e. for baby, boob = sleep. It may sound harsh but could you or would you be willing to stop BF? If LO knows that boob isn't part of the plan anymore at nighttime, you might find that they sleep better. I second all the PPs who have suggested black out blinds/white noise/fans etc. Definitely worth a try. Good luck and keep us updated x

OP I really sympathise. This is me, only my baby is still quite young. Jumping on someone elses thread a bit but if anybody has any tips for improving my 8 month old breastfed baby's sleep they would be very welcome! Also not willing to do Controlled Crying and like the look of the Jay Gordon method Absofrigginlootly but I guess she is too young to stop the nursing on demand? She currently wakes every goddamn hour which then generally results in a little feed and then sleep, but often only if I'm cuddling in some contorted position around her in which I can't easily escape therefore, no sleep for me. I know she'll go out of it at some point but when?!

jean I stopped night feeds around 7 months with my son. He was waking up, sucking for a few mins then going back to sleep so I knew it was comfort.

We broke the habit by sending my dh in when he woke up. Only took a couple of nights and he stopped. He's been pretty reliable at sleeping though ever since really.

Have to say we had already broken the'feed to sleep' habit for daytime naps, so he could self settle.

Thanks owlina, I have been debating cutting the night feeds but was worried about her being to young. Though like you they are definitely a lot for comfort! She doesn't necessarily feed to sleep always, but needs a lot of encouragement if not. Maybe I should just bite the bullet, and reduce the feeds

It's hard when you feel they want you at night, but I decided it was a comfort habit, and it would benefit us both to break it, in terms of better sleep for us both. The fact he gave it up so easily makes me feel it was the right thing to do.

Jeanlouise has your LO only just started sleeping badly or has it got worse recently??

As a rough guide there are sleep regressions at 4, 8/9, 12, 18 and 24 months (deep joy!) but it's not an exact science! It usually coincides with them learning a big new skill.

For my DD she had a sleep regression at: 4-6 months! (Rolling and sitting), 8-10 months (crawling), 14 months (walking) and 19-21 months (language came on leaps and bounds + teething +illness).... Dreading the 24 month regression which is looming!!

I did the Jay Gordon method at 14 months when she was showing me she was ready. She was getting increasingly more frustrated trying to feed herself to sleep but it wasn't working and she would be awake for 1-3 hours at a time! 😣🔫
Before that she would usually go back to sleep with a quick feed or just latching on all night.

It was tough, she did cry. But I knew at that point she needed to learn to self settle because she was showing me she was ready to. I found having a step by step plan very helpful for keeping my resolve which can start to waver at 3am! And I just kept telling myself that it was for her own good and that once I'd started the training I couldn't stop because that wouldn't be fair to her to put her through it then give up, and confuse her I had to see it through.

But it did work. She slept 8-6 with no wake ups for 3 months until the 19 month regression but that wasn't as bad as the others because she had learnt some self settling skills.

It also changed our relationship slightly... I went from a 'yes' mum to a 'majority yes, but not if I said no and I mean it' mum. I felt at 14 months she was leaving infancy and joining toddlerhood and needed to see me as someone who could impose boundaries where necessary and I force them when needed. It was horrible sitting next to her while she screamed and refused my cuddles at first and I knew that boobs would make it all better BUT I never left her side, I offered soothing words and cuddles and once she saw I meant business I noticed she would listen to me more on the odd occasion I said 'no' or 'leave it' in the daytime... Like she knew I meant what I said ultimately. If that makes sense?? What I mean is when we feel a bit trapped and at a loss it can be good for your relationship to make a slight change to redress the balance.

Ultimately OP (and others) no one can give you 'THE' method the will make your child sleep. It depends so much on personality/temperament, the level of support you have, how many other children you have to look after, your own personal tolerance level to sleep deprivation, medical issues (like reflux or allergies).

You know your child. You know how you feel and if something needs to change. You know which techniques sit ok with your own personal parenting philosophy.

And remember when your DC are teenagers and lying in you can get your own back by vacuuming around their heads

Also meant to say that during the 19 month regression/teething/illness phase I did slip back into feeding at night because she needed it for comfort. But then I reintroduced the Jay Gordon method again and it was much quicker and involved a lot less resistance than the first time. I guess because she knew the drill and knew I meant it

Good luck