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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Table manners

54 replies

GingerbreadGingerbread · 30/08/2016 21:29

I was out for dinner this evening with DH, MIL and BIL. It was just a local pizzeria, a nice Italian place but nothing overly fancy at all. Now I will say I can be conscious of myself around MIL as she has a few eccentric little "ways". When the pizza came MIL offered it to me first and I attempted to take a slice but it was stuck to the one next to it and so I gently touched the one next to it to pull them apart IYSWIM. Well MIL looked sick!

BIL took the slice I had touched and carried on seemingly fine, but then MIL kept making a big deal for the rest of the meal of BIL or DH went to get a slice she would say "only touch the one you are going to take!" When DH said she was being over the top and asked her why she was being like that she just said "cleanliness!"

I had very clean hands and didn't manhandle the slice just a slight touch on the edge. In my family no one would care about that I just found MIL's reaction OTT! AIBU?

OP posts:
Mrsmorton · 31/08/2016 03:40

It's the GERMS innit. That MN are afraid of and have to bleach everything 15 times a day in case anyone gets a germ. Heaven forbid anyone touches anything [runs for the hills whilst sanitising hands after touching the door knob]

Free grips with every bottle of bleach when I'm in charge.

MapleandPear · 31/08/2016 04:09

I just say "scuse fingers" if it's a sharing thing and the only obvious way to separate is by hand.

Original poster
GingerbreadGingerbread · 31/08/2016 07:48

Thank you for the replies!

It would have been a real faff to pick up a fork and clumsily attempt to hold down the other slice whilst I took the other one- if I saw someone doing that I'd think they were a bit mad to be honest- but it's good to know I wasn't behaving like a disgusting rude pig!

OP posts:
Laiste · 31/08/2016 07:56

Manners are important, but it works both ways.

It was just as rude of her to make you feel uncomfortable at a family meal as it was (in her opinion) for you to touch food you weren't going to eat. She should not have said anything. Therefore she shot herself in the foot. Therefor you win Grin

acasualobserver · 31/08/2016 07:58

MIL, plus a few others ITT, are weird IMO. Being horrified by someone touching your food in the way described is in no way rational.

headinthecloud · 31/08/2016 08:11

She sounds a right witch. If she's that picky maybe she shouldn't order sharing plates. Also I'm quite sure the kitchen weren't wearing sterile gloves when they were making the pizza.

Fortitudine · 31/08/2016 08:27

My mother in law does this. Also slurps tea and soup. And pulls faces while picking bits out that she won't eat. It's like feeding time at the zoo. DP used to slurp soup and tea too. Let's just say he doesn't now. My parents were visibly horrified by in laws table manners!

Fairylea · 31/08/2016 08:35

Her manners were dreadful. You don't make someone feel bad at the table. My mum told me a hilarious story about how she went to a very upper class dinner where they had a super long table and one of the courses was something quite hard to eat without them rolling off the plate. She said she sat there absolutely embarrassed and wasn't sure whether to pick them up or not when suddenly a butler / waiting staff appeared and carried a little silver brush and pan and he then proceeded to sweep them down and off the table. No one batted an eyelid or said a thing. Smile

TheInimitableMrsFanshawe · 31/08/2016 08:39

My MIL is the opposite - manhandling food when there really is no need. She will dish up a pie with a stupid tiny knife and her fingers rather than a pie slice and once she pushed my pizza back on my plate with her fingers, which she had licked not long before. She also rakes through a bowl of crisps with her fingers to get to one she deems appropriate Envy. Revolting.

I was brought up not to touch food that others will be eating - you take the one on the plate nearest to you, use cutlery. In your circumstances I would have steadied the pieces with a fork as a pp suggested. It's basic manners and hygiene, IMO. But I would also not made a song and dance about it like your MIL did, that's much worse manners.

wowowowow · 31/08/2016 13:22

Do people not wash their hands anymore before eating?

headinhands · 31/08/2016 13:47

Jaysus, she sounds a nightmare to go out with. Is there previous germ angst behaviour?

BorpBorpBorp · 31/08/2016 14:32

How clean were your hands? What had you touched since you last washed or hand sanitized them? The back of the chair? A door handle? The table? All these things will have been touched by others, and the provenance of their hands cannot be known.

I wouldn't have been happy, but I wouldn't have said anything or made a big deal of it. If the next slice had been mine I would have just left the bit you touched.

AppleSetsSail · 31/08/2016 14:37

Your MIL sounds like a nightmare. This sort of thing happens when a family shares a pizza.

The overarching rule of etiquette is to avoid making others at the table uncomfortable.

Flamingflume · 31/08/2016 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnotherGreenDot · 31/08/2016 17:41

I can see both sides. Yes she overreacted, but also could you not have used a knife and fork to cut the pizzas? Manners work both ways.

Chickoletta · 31/08/2016 18:27

Your MIL is a rude nut job and so are many people on his thread. As a pp rightly said, the whole point of etiquette is to behave appropriately and make people feel comfortable - she was far ruder than you.

It seems that she was making a point of some sort - is she generally a bit h to everyone or is it just you?

Chickoletta · 31/08/2016 18:28

*bitch

DerekSprechenZeDick · 31/08/2016 18:30

You should have done the 'my germs' routine from scary movie and then recorded her reaction

Piscivorus · 31/08/2016 18:31

Next time you are with her produce some latex gloves, snap them on like a surgeon and say loudly "You can't be too careful" Grin

Shallishanti · 31/08/2016 18:34

MIL was rude BUT all those downplaying the hygiene issue have more confidence than me in other people's handwashing (not to mention the door handles etc)- as to the kitchen staff I hope they know more about hand hygiene than the general public. And the pizza will have been in a very hot oven, anyway.

DeathpunchDoris · 31/08/2016 19:16

Exposure to germs is good for you anyway - toughens up the immune system.

AppleSetsSail · 31/08/2016 19:21

MIL was rude BUT all those downplaying the hygiene issue have more confidence than me in other people's handwashing (not to mention the door handles etc)- as to the kitchen staff I hope they know more about hand hygiene than the general public. And the pizza will have been in a very hot oven, anyway.

We're forced to assume that people have good hygiene until proven otherwise. The alternative is quite poor.

Icarriedawatermelon123 · 31/08/2016 21:29

Haha this made me laugh.
Your MIL sounds a bit loopy and she should have just ordered her own pizza. As if the people in the kitchen don't have their hands all over the food before it gets served to her as well.

DropYourSword · 31/08/2016 21:36

Erm, has it escaped people's attention that knives, forks, plates, cups etc that are on the table have been touched by bare hands to get them there in the first place.
I really don't understand over the top "germ phobia"

cardibach · 31/08/2016 21:41

Borp How clean were your hands? What had you touched since you last washed or hand sanitized them? The back of the chair? A door handle? The table?
The same is true of MiL isn't it? You can't get to a restaurant table from hand washing without touching something.
How lucky that it is completely ridiculous to worry about this sort of thing.