to expect dog owners to help in this situation

[cansu]

I have a dc with severe autism. He is non verbal and has significant learning disabilities. He walks in a slightly odd way, hand flaps and makes odd noises so he is quite visibly different. He is also scared of certain noises and is frightened of dogs despite my own parents having two lovely little dogs who have never harmed him. Whenever we go out for a walk, he gets v upset by dogs running towards him. I try and put myself in front of them. I make it clear he is scared but dog owners invariably chuckle and tell me oh he is just giddy, no harm in him etc etc, making no effort at all to either call dog over or put hand on dogs collar whilst we pass by. Meanwhile ds is flapping, shouting, running into bushes etc. He is an older teen so not possible to scoop him up if I see a dog coming over. I don't expect dog to be on lead, but would it be unreasonable for a dog owner, once they have twigged situation to call over dog whilst we pass by??

[honkinghaddock]

Summerainbow, you haven't got a bloody clue have you.

[Lancelottie]

I think Summer would probably be precisely the sort of dog owner that Cansu struggles with.

'Oh, it's far too unreasonable for other people to make minor adjustments, so it's up to the parents to make impossible changes to their severely disabled child's life instead...'

Ignore, Cansu. No, you're not being remotely unreasonable, but sadly the world is full of twits.

[UnGoogleable]

Summer I think you might have missed the part where OP said her son has severe autism. It's not a case of simply 'getting her son used to dogs'.

Are you suggesting that her son walks the streets because parks are reserved for dog owners?

Granted, there are some areas where dogs running freely are more likely to be encountered. OP could choose to avoid those areas, but certainly shouldn't have to if she doesn't want to. At the end of the day, people shouldn't have dogs if they can't control them - that's the bottom line.

[rumblingDMexploitingbstds]

Your poor ds, no not unreasonable in the slightest.

A cheerful, loud, 'can you call your dog/put your dog on a lead please?' called from a distance should be all you ever need to do. Many of my neighbours will explain that they came from countries or have parents who came from countries at a time where a dog coming towards them or their child could have rabies, so all the dog walkers in the area are used to looking out for passers by and their body language that says the sight of a dog makes them anxious, and calling their dogs to them, or heading another direction. It can be done, it's no trouble to anybody.

[Theimpossiblegirl]

summerrainbow
Are you being deliberately obtuse?
The OP's child is scared of dogs. She is asking if it is unreasonable to expect people to not let their dogs run up to people in public places.

OP, YANBU. I keep my dog on the lead if there are people in the park as I know he will go up to them (and try to befriend them) and I know not everyone wants a dog coming up too close and trying to lick them.

[Lancelottie]

I quite often take out our neighbour's dog, who is a rescue of uncertain temper. The number of people who let their mutt run up to her, cooing, 'Oh, don't worry, he's friendly!', and then glare when I say 'Well this one bites, so please call yours back.'

[ItShouldHaveBeenJess]

I do sympathise- I'm a dog-lover and owned a Springer many moons ago. My son, four, has ASD and is absolutely terrified of them. I try to explain to owners as politely and gently as possible, that DS is very scared of them - but some refuse to take the hint, and insist on bringing their precious pooch even closer, telling DS to stroke them or give them a treat.

I understand they love their pets, and I'm sure most of these dogs are gentle and affectionate. My DS does not understand this and becomes truly frightened.

[Lancelottie]

Not suggesting that you should tell people that your son will bite their dog, by the way

[Queenmarigold]

I hate dogs too. Dirty jumpy smelly licky things. Urgh. Do not let them out of the house.

[MoreCoffeeNow]

If dogs don't have good recall they really should be on leads in parks.

[Houseconfusion]

Every. Single. Week.

[ItShouldHaveBeenJess]

. Have just read summer's posts.

What a delightful sounding park!

[honkinghaddock]

This is not a hating dogs thread. Are some people so lacking in empathy they can't see that.

[AppleSetsSail]

Of course that's not too much to ask. I don't understand why people are so quick to pierce the veil of civility amongst strangers, I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than have a confrontation over my dog.

[ParanoidGynodroid]

YANBU.
I walk my dog in the country, mostly off the lead. He's very well behaved and doesn't run at or jump on people, but as soon as I see ANYONE approaching I put the lead on. Some people don't like or are afraid of dogs. It's not hard.

[harderandharder2breathe]

Yanbu but I've never met these inconsiderate dog owners myself! Most I see will put their dog on the lead if approaching someone unless the dog is reliably good at ignoring people, and even then would of course if the person asked them to. Ditto putting their dog on the lead when approaching another dog on the lead.

Your DS is unfortunately more interesting to dogs if he makes noises and flaps his hands, so you need to advocate for him and ask the owner firmly but politely to put their dog on a lead as your son is scared. Yes you know it's friendly but your son is scared. Hopefully if he's visibly "different" people will realise his reactions are not NT and take more care than they perhaps would a "normal" looking teenage boy.

[SouthWestmom]

Some dog owners can't see past their pet though (bit like some parents). Some fuckwit owner let her dog race across the park, jump into my car and leap over the seats while my small children were trapped in their car seats screaming. The baby was tiny at the time. As she got nearer I was shouting to her to get the dog out and she was all 'it's a FUCKING puppy' and a right arsehole. I wish I'd called the police but I was too shaken up to think straight.

[OreoCat]

Summer, how many dogs do you have then? And I know the answer isn't "zero"!

[amusedbush]

Dirty jumpy smelly licky things. Urgh. Do not let them out of the house.

Okay then, I'll just keep him locked in the house

It's not the same as I don't have a child but my dog is very anxious/unpredictable around other dogs and he has shit recall so he stays on the lead. Every so often he'll tense up and start growling because he's seen a dog off the lead. I'll quite clearly be trying to calm my
dog down and the other owner will give me a cheery, "ah don't worry, love, he's fine! He's a big softie!"

I'll shout back that I'm more worried about my dog because he's getting upset and won't walk away, but they never make any move to call their dog back or put it on a lead

[merrymouse]

Dog owners should not let their dogs approach people (or animals) unless they clearly want to say hello to the dog - it isn't difficult to tell.

[ipswichwitch]

It's not always so easy as "get them used to dogs"
My 4yo is petrified of dogs (was sent flying by a large and bouncy Labrador when he was 18mo), and if one so much as looks like coming near, he actually climbs up me and almost winds up perched on my shoulder!

I don't have easy access to a nice, calm, small-ish, non-bouncy dog with which to slowly build up his tolerance. He won't get any better at being around dogs by having people let their dog charge toward him, trying to lick his face.

It's great when some owners see what's going on, keep the dog on a lead and put themselves between us and the dog. Or like one lovely lady did - got her dog to sit, and she chatted to DS about her dog. He eventually put his hand out for the dog to sniff - which is as close as he's ever got to any dog. This sort of thing takes time and patience, not a "throw em in the park and they'll be fine" attitude.

[WaitrosePigeon]

I hate dogs too. Dirty jumpy smelly licky things. Urgh. Do not let them out of the house

Didn't take long

[Stormtreader]

Sounds like this is a situation where the word "phobia" might be useful to try and indicate that no matter how friendly the dog is, it needs to be called back.