AIBU to put in a formal complaint about this colleague and maybe murder him?

[whattodowiththepoo]

(Sort of light hearted?)
Colleague and former friend: I'm going to be late in on Tuesday but I'm passing awesome French bakery want anything?
Me: yes please awesome stuff

I woke up early this morning and worked out for longer then I ran up and down the stairs and then I worked out in my office, he arrives at 11:30 after I have been salivating waiting "oh sorry I forgot to go in"

Mother fucker.

YABU to even bother with the complaint. What a waste of time and paper. Just progress straight to murder.

Did either of you do any work this morning then!

Throw you monitor screen at him from behind when he least expects it

Wee on his stapler. The macaron denying fiend.

Totally unreasonable to complain go straight to the murder then there is no paper trail

Don't bother with the complaint, OP. That's justifiable homicide, right there.

In fact I'd go to Awesome Bakery myself and buy the most amazing concoction they have. Return to office, eat amazing concoction ostentatiously in front of C/FF and then murder him. That'll teach him.

'wee on his stapler' ??? bloody well staple his wee-er more like!

Curse at him in French, and then drown him in a bathtub full of crème frâiche!

Oh Gate I wouldn't like to be the one to deny your your fancy French buns!

Gate

Death by torture.

He sounds like a pain in the arse.

Cover your self in creme anglaise and let everyone in the office except him have a lick of you. He'll be mad jealous when he sees Brian from IT and Angela from Finance licking your belly.