To think my marriage isn't worth the emotional abuse?

[PeachesAndDerek]

I'll try and keep it short. Got back from a brilliant week away in New York Saturday. Amazing time, no arguments or anything. As soon as we get home Saturday night DH kicks off (at me!) because my DS (18) had swapped the cables on the TV trying to get the PlayStation working. He'd also drawn a love heart in the dust on the telly which DH states is impossible to remove. (It isn't, it's now removed). Anyway he really kicked off, said I was useless and didn't give a fuck and that he works hard to pay for stuff like the telly and he's sick of me not giving a fuck. I tried numerous times to calm him down saying let's not argue, let's discuss it properly etc and he carried on and on. When we went to bed I tried to hug him as normal and he physically removed my hands from him. This was Saturday night, it's now Tuesday and he's still not talking to me, still going on about how crap I am and how crap my kids are etc etc. I went to kiss him before work yesterday and he blanked me. This will carry on indefinitely until I cave and beg him for forgiveness again or beg for a hug or some kind of warmth from him. I normally do but I'm sick to death of this "punishment" I receive every time he randomly kicks off. It's unpredictable - we could be having the best time ever and he will find "something". One time it was because someone has pooed in the toilet and not flushed it and he decided i should have noticed it first and sorted it out but because I'd not happened to go in that bathroom before him I had purposely ignored it and "didn't give a fuck". I'm tired of it. I feel like it's egg shells all the time. He's not been near me even for a hug since Saturday night. He's waiting for me to beg for it but because I'm not - he'll carry it on and on finding more and more stuff to complain about. AIBU in thinking marriage shouldn't be like this??? I'm all for talking but he doesn't want to, he wants to argue and then he wants me to apologise and beg for forgiveness and affection.

Liney I'd stake my house on it being the same poster with two older ds's and he's got two older boys himself

I agree. Which means the OP won't be back.

I thought the same as the other pps. All very familiar and op never comes back.

It's totally pointless. This is more like her diary of her car crash relationship.

Good advice from Funnyface

If this poster is dumping & running then she's probably living such a roller coaster life, that she just uses MN as a venting place! Well, I feel really sorry for her, because that's such a terrible way to live, and it sounds very much like it'll never change...and neither will she! Sad!

I'm sure I have read threads from OP too. Quick search of name also suggests OP won't be back!

It is sad Wdigin Frustrating too, as I think we would all love to reach through t'internet and drag her to 'safety'.

I hope you find someone in real life to help Peaches

You are told the same thing over and over by us all. you know the answer

Sounds familiar. If you arent who Im thinking about it will be obvious as you will come back to thread. But I suspect not.

I've been here, wasn't married to him though luckily. It's awful and there's nothing you can do to change him. If you're brave enough then leave. You deserve more than this.

You are being bullied.

I can barely remember my own name, and I recognised this poster. What more do you want posters to tell you? You were advised not to marry him (you did), you were told he was abusive to you, your children, and were advised to leave (you haven't). Obviously it's not an easy thing to do at all, but I personally wonder what you are looking for in these responses, that hasn't already been said.

In fact the OP is definitely the poster I'm thinking of because I remember a thread about the New York trip being proposed and something about the boys passports??

If this IS that poster then previous threads have been zapped as PBP.

Oh goodness me, bore off! By all means people can ask for advice on mumsnet, that's the point really. But repeatedly asking, and being repeatedly told - only for you to run off and ignore everyone and just NC and start yet ANOTHER thread about your cunt of a husband. Seriously, you need to get a grip on your own life and stop feeding off of the drama and the sympathy it brings. Allowing children to live in an abusive relationship is tantamount to child abuse!! It really is, there's no point buttering it up for you, you are making a choice to keep them in this perpetual misery. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Op ask yourself. How sad and desperate your situation must be that a bunch of strangers can guess it's you again, just by the first four lines of your op.

We also guessed correctly that you wouldn't post again, or maybe we will get a measly "I don't know what your talking about I've never posted before" and then disappear.

What did you think you will be told differently from all the other times?

I told you so's are not easy to hear op. But you need to understand that it is hard for those who have tried to help you before, to see you ignore their advice and continue to allow this monster to abuse you. Although I imagine he can flip the coin so quickly, being so kind, loving and gentle that you are left wondering if you imagined the abuse. This is absolute gaslighting! And it can take many, many conversations with family and friends and internal battles with guilt and the gaslighting that you have been experiencing, for most women to find the strength to leave.

If you are not ready to leave yet, you need to keep a diary (make sure it is private even if its a boringly named word document on your laptop) and record all the times he is abusive, verbally,emotionally and physically. Write the times that you feel like you can no longer stay. Write his good days and his behaviour on these days, write how confused it makes you feel. The first day you start writing, set an alarm for a months time. Then read it all through, you will start to see the cycle of abuse, it will be in writing before you, concrete evidence that you cannot deny no matter how crazy he makes you feel. You know that you don't deserve to be treated the way he treats you! Most people wouldn't treat a dog the way he treats you! When you feel ready, contact woman's aid and find out about the freedom program. Life doesn't need to be this way.

op I just do not understand why you never reply? We are here to help you and we can't do that when you don't come back.

Some of us may have sounded harsh but its more from frustration that we put in time and effort and really worry about your well-being and you just ignore us and then start a new thread.

Come talk to us! We are here.

She's consistent with her story board, she'd mentioned the NY trip in her last thread and how he'd kicked off about one of her ds's.

Stop troll hunting. If you don't want to invest in her, fine.

Fuck that shit.

Oh Christ, even I recognised this poster and I'm not on here all that much!

OP if you're still reading...you're getting all these frustrated responses because the posters here care about you, an internet random (to us), more than your dickhead husband does. Let us help you. It'll be hard, but you can do it. You need and deserve support