To think this is not a fair way for kids parties?

[MidniteScribbler]

So I was forced went to a kids 5th birthday yesterday. I've managed to avoid kids parties for the last five years, but it looks like my run of freedom is now over. So this party had about eight 4-7 year olds attending. Mum had organised lots of party games - moving statues, pass the parcel, quizzes (which kids movie are these characters from, etc), musical chairs - she went all out. Every single game was won by the birthday girl. All of them. Mum made sure the music stopped when her DD was right next to the last chair, made sure she had the last parcel in pass the parcel, kept calling her daughter for the silly quizzes, and no matter how much her DD moved, she won the various rounds of musical statues.

Now, I know it's just a kids party, but I could see some of the kids getting a bit frustrated when they kept getting sent out of the games or not picked for the quizzes, and many of the mums were starting to give each other rather pointed looks. I would have thought that you would generally try and make sure that everyone had a chance to win something? Or is this a whole new mummy thing that I've never experienced before?

[Mummyoflittledragon]

DD at her 8th party was cross because she didn't win pass the parcel. She realised it was rigged, which is was, in so much that I stopped the music just after dd's turn. No way she was winning the pack of smiggle smelly pencils. I'd bought her some for her birthday anyway.

Not every child has to win a game but the birthday child shouldn't win everything especially not pass the parcel.

[Ham69]

My friend (German) puts a lot of effort into her dcs' parties. First one I went to I noticed she intentionally made sure her DD (birthday girl) won pass the parcel. I had a lighthearted word afterwards and she genuinely thought she was doing the right thing. I told her the unspoken rule was birthday girl doesn't win (she will get enough presents) and she thanked me and felt embarrassed! She's not done it since.

[EvansOvalPies]

We have friends who did this when our respective children were young. Their children always won every party game. Also, when we went on shared holidays, or spent time around each other's houses, their youngest was always allowed to win. There was very little difference in ages between DS and their DD, our DD was about two years older, the other family's DD was a few years older than that. Whenever we played board games with them, friend (the Dad) always said quietly to everyone 'Oh, Let Rachel (his DD) win, she's only little. It got to the point when our DC at first didn't want to play games with them any more, because what was the point. Then they kicked up a fuss when joint holidays were planned, for the same reason. And guess what - now at the age of 21, Rachel has no friends. It's such a shame and I feel sad for her, but it is all as a result of mollycoddling and interfering parents. They did her no favours.

So you, YANBU - it is a very strange and unfair way to treat all the other children involved in parties and suchlike. No good comes of it at all.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

How will she react when she competes at her first school sports day? I can't imagine her taking that very well.

[Foslady]

Brings back hideous memories of a hallowe'en party dd's friend had when they were littlies. Friend had moved to a small village and all the kids from school was invited plus dd who knew her from another group. Every kid won something bar my dd. In the end she came to me confused when the mum made some comment about a prize for the kid with the most piñata treats. Dd went up to the Mum who waved her away and grabbed the only school child who hadn't won something and declared them the winner. Luckily the party was almost over and I managed to keep a lid on my dd. Wasn't the daughters fault and I didn't want to ruin their friendship, but I did view the mother differently from that day......

[elephantpig]

My mum once sent my friends home with ALL my birthday cake so that their siblings could have some - and the kids that my friends mum childminded.

I got NONE

[Floggingmolly]

The only school child who hadn't won something and declared them the winner. Am I reading this wrong? Why are you so upset about this? Doesn't sound at all "hideous" to me

[Foslady]

Because FlogginMolly everyone of the new school children won a prize. My dd who knew her from a different group and wouldn't be at the new school was shoved out of the way to make sure that every child from the new school would get something. Basically the party was just being held so the daughter met everyone from the new school and they all got a present. My dd wan't I that group so the mother pushed her out in favour of the ones that was. It was blatant the way how it was done - every game my dd was one of the 1st ones out even if other kids were falling over when they should have been still. I'd rather we hadn't been invited, it was verging on embarrassing the way how it was being done. My dd isn't and wasn't the princess type but knew when something was being unfair for the wrong purposes. When a 6 year old kid can figure this out it not exactly subtle

[SatsukiKusakabe]

Because her child hadn't won anything yet either, and had actually won that particular game, if I'm reading it right?

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I was confused too Foslady. I understand now.

[Foslady]

That's it, sorry, yes. Every child won a prize except my dd who was the first to be knocked out of any game as she didn't go to the new school. Every child bar mine. She didn't mAke a fuss or create, just came up to me and asked why it had happened after every game and then why she had been pushed out of the way and another child pulled forwards and declared the winner of the final game. I just pointed out she'd got some sweeties and had played some fun games and as soon as we could politely get out of there did so after she'd said her thank you's to the hosts.

[SatsukiKusakabe]

God I hate people who 'network' with children instead of just doing the right thing and making sure everyone has a nice time. We expect so much from children in terms of manners, but some adults set a terrible example of inclusion and kindness.

[Tokelau]

I know a mum who did this with her DD, who was very spoilt.

I also remember the same mum and daughter at someone else's party. The children were playing musical statues, and the little girl started playing, then after a few minutes, decided she didn't want to play and went to sit with her mum. When there were only three children left in the game, she decided she wanted to join in again, and her mum let her!

[EttaJ]

That's ridiculous. I would definitely have said something while it was happening. I can't abide special snowflakes. elephant that's so weird and cruel!

[MyLifeisaboxofwormgears]

I remember doing this when DD was little - I made sure just about everyone got a win at a game. And pass the parcel - well every child got sweets in each layer but the prize was won by DD's friend who came from a very poor household. Everyone ended up with something and had a riot flapping newspapers at paper fish!!!! Even the grown ups joined in - parties should be about everyone having fun.
In fact I stopped pass the parcel after that as I noticed the girls were getting very stressed and there was a terrible pass the parcel at one party when one child (the one known for pinching the other girls hard and laughing when they cried) won three sets of sweets and the prize while other children didn't get a turn to unwrap a layer! I had a go at the nursery over that one...

[Memoires]

It's not fair, is it. The birthday child is getting lots of presents anyway, so nothing wrong with ensuring every other child gets something in the games. Silly mum, I'd say. It would ge interesting to see if she a) gets any invites to birthday parties, and b) the affected children's mums make sure she doesn't win anything at their own child's party. Though one hopes that no one would be unkind enough to punish a child for the stupidity of their parent.

[AnnieOnnieMouse]

I used to try to ensure that everyone had a go at unwrapping a layer of pass the parcel, but used to shut my eyes for the last layer, after it had passed my DC, so they wouldn't get the main prize. Other games were won by whoever won them.

[maddiemookins16mum]

Yikes, let her win one game (at a push two), but Let the others win too, it can be done (with a bit of cunning).

[imwithspud]

YANBU, this is very odd. It's more common and fair to ensure every child wins something.

[Witchend]

I've never come across that but I've never come across the let every child win attitude either.
It's always been every man for himself with a distinct bias against the birthday child.

Dd1 did once win the pass the parcel at her own birthday which was a total mistake though. I turned away to make it random and totally misestimated the time it would take to go round the circle. She gave the prize to her best friend though (without me saying anything) so maybe that was okay!

[NancyJoan]

No, not normal.

I remember taking DD to a friend's party when they were about 7. DD won pass the p, birthday girl had a tantrum, her mum made DD hand over the prize, and promised to buy my DD something else! I was absolutely

[Honeybadger83]

I have family members who always want to make sure my son wins. He is the only child in the family, and sometimes we all play party games (at Christmas and similar) and I have to insist that they don't rig it so he wins. He only wants to play the game, he's not that bothered about the prize, and it's a really important lesson for them that sometimes other people win but that doesn't stop it being fun. We don't rig anything in our house, except for occasional races.

[Ladyrattlesuk]

The birthday girl will not be popular with the other kids if she won everything. When my kids were younger I always made sure the birthday child only won once and made sure every child won something. I would make up extra categories if needed e.g. best silly face, etc.

[Stormyseasallround]

I go as far as reminding my children before their parties that they definitely won't be winning a single game, and that it's all about their guests. From the age of 3 they've been able to fully grasp and enjoy this concept.

[MrJones1977]

My DD2 went to her first party a little while back(she's 3) and everyone from what I am told won something. How it was done at the party you went to just takes the damn piss