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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you care about what cars others drive?

51 replies

Pearlsofmadness · 26/08/2016 14:38

I went on a hen do a few months ago and was introduced to the work colleagues of my friend for the first time. After my name, the next question one of them asked me and another friend was what cars we drove.

Is this normal? AIBU to think this is a weird thing to ask someone when you're being introduced? I didn't mind telling her I drove a shitty KA. To me, cars just get you from A to B and I just don't think to ask people about it. She didn't speak to me for the rest of the night so perhaps she judged me and thought I wasn't good enough to talk to... Even though I earn double the salary of the hen who drives an Audi

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 26/08/2016 15:00

I'm not sure what you drive is even a particularly good indicator of wealth or status anymore. Now that so many people have company cars and car finance is more or less the norm, loads of people drive cars which are out of synch with their income

I really went off my HV when she came round to do an sort of introductory thing when I was 37 weeks pg with my first child. I temporarily had a company car - an Audi A4 with lots of toys (not my choice at all) - at the time. She looked at it and said "I take it there are no financial issues then". Grr. As it was the tax alone was almost killing me, and far more than I'd pay on a car loan for a car I'd chose to drive.

AnnaMarlowe · 26/08/2016 15:03

I'd have answered but then asked why she was interested (maybe she's interested in reviews/recommendations.

We tend to change our cars regularly as we both have long commutes and need something reliable but I don't judge people on their cars.

It's not an accurate measure of income (or anything except preference). I know a family with an income of over £200k pa who have old bashed non description cars and a family with a joint income of about £40k who have two new, shiny expensive German cars.

People spend their money on different things.

smudgedlipstick · 26/08/2016 15:07

I really like cars and find what other people drive interesting. Saying that it wouldn't be the second question out of my mouth when just meeting them. My family and friends all like cars a lot so it is quite usual for it to be a topic of conversation.

bluebeck · 26/08/2016 15:08

No, I think that was really weird. I would have found that bizarre!

I couldn't tell you what anyone drives unless it has been a big topic of conversation. So a friend just got a Mercedes for her 40th, so I know that is what she is driving, but I couldn't tell you what she drove before that. No idea what my siblings are driving. Just find the whole topic utterly yawn inducing.

Hulababy · 26/08/2016 15:15

For some people cars are an big interest, and yes they are then interested in cars.

It is more unusual for this to be an early question in a conversation with someone they don't know, with nothing leading up to it. But I have heard it among people who know each other a little and who are both interested in cars.

I don't see cars as just a mode of getting from A to B. I like to drive, what is to me, a nice car, a bit nippy and a little bit small and sporty. I have a new car every 2-3 years generally. DH is similar but has a different taste in cars to me. We have friends who are really into cars and some who are interested enough to chat about them, and some who aren't interested at all. Conversations about those between those people varies - those not interested, it isn't talked about. I don't talk about cars particularly - whilst I like a certain type of car I am not interested in them enough to chat.

And yes, to some people cars are a snobby type thing, a 'how well you are doing thing' but to others it is just an interest and nothing to do with feeling better or putting anyone down either.

Themoleisdead · 26/08/2016 15:22

I sometimes have car envy - a neighbour has a limited edition Defender that I would love to own. However as I have no practical use for it, I would have to judge myself in the same way as I quietly judge everyone who drives around in huge 4x4s that never leave a safely tarmacked road.

redexpat · 26/08/2016 15:23

I was doing an online survey the other day that asked what make and model I own. I had to go outside and check the model. I only learned what a hatchback is as a result of the same survey. I lack the most basic of knowledge, so the idea of people judging others is completely alien to me!

BarbaraofSeville · 26/08/2016 15:32

Seems an odd question, although generalising hugely, it seems more common as a small talk conversation topic between men, women less so.

Because my job involves talking to very nerdy men, I sometimes get asked it and I just CBA humouring them - if I have driven to meet them in a hire car, I usually don't know and say er, I'm not sure, I think it's a red one. That usually throws them quite a bit.

What I thought even more strange when I was in the company of a young man (I'd say he is between about 19 and 23) - it was at a hobby thing and he was my partner for the day, his general chit chat extended to asking me what phone I had Grin. I find interest in phones even more boring than interest in cars so I think I just ignored the question and started fiddling with my kit. My phone wouldn't have impressed him, that's for sure.

nokidshere · 26/08/2016 15:34

I love my car as it happens and wouldn't want to change it at all. But it's just a means getting about. As long as it has 4 wheels, and it's reliable i'm happy - which drives my car loving best friend mad Grin

OverlyLoverly · 26/08/2016 15:42

I actually think YABU as you are assuming she wanted to know in order to judge you even though that might not have been the case at all. Perhaps she had been talking about cars with her friends or perhaps she was trying to find someone who drives a particular car or something.

So, maybe it's not her doing the inappropriate judging but you

(Alternatively, she could just be a judge my cow Wink)

Original poster
Pearlsofmadness · 26/08/2016 16:03

It is more unusual for this to be an early question in a conversation with someone they don't know, with nothing leading up to it.

Yes, that's the part I found odd. After our names, it was her next question to me and another friend.

I actually think YABU as you are assuming she wanted to know in order to judge you

I suppose. It's just the face she pulled when I replied with shitty KA and the fact that she didn't speak to me for the rest of the evening that made me think she was judgmental. But, hey-ho! No loss to me!

OP posts:
AnneElliott · 26/08/2016 16:27

It is an odd question op. But some people have a thing about cars.

Audi lent DH an A4 while he was waiting for the A3 he'd ordered. So many people commented on it; the neighbours, the postman, the milkman, randoms on the street.

Although DH liked it, we had no intention of keeping it due to the stir it seemed to cause. No idea why people were so keen on it, I thought it was too big and square and difficult to park!

Minesril · 26/08/2016 16:37

I cycle. All cars to me, are big metal killing machines out to get me.

Although, there is something about the mini convertible which makes me wonder if I should learn to drive...

pigsDOfly · 26/08/2016 16:54

Can't see it's an indication of anything, as pp said a lot of cars are company cars and most people with pricey cars are paying for them on finance anyway.

She'd probably be most unimpressed with the car I bought recently, it's bog standard and three years old, but I paid cash for it. So does that mean I'm worth talking to or would I be more interesting if I'd bought something a lot more expensive that I'd be paying for on a loan for the next 3 years.

She sound like someone too shallow to waste your time talking to anyway OP. Very odd question to ask someone you've just met.

EatsShitAndLeaves · 26/08/2016 16:59

I love cars and spend probably far too much on them but I'm not hugely interested in finding out what someone else drives when I meet them.

It certainly doesn't shape my opinion of anyone. How could it? Some people are just dis-interested, others recoil at the depreciation and deliberately spend as little as possible, some people have company cars etc.

RichardBucket · 26/08/2016 17:37

Very weird to ask someone like that.

But I do judge people with certain cars, in a fleeting-thought-as-I-drive-past way. I'd just never ask about it.

PNGirl · 26/08/2016 17:53

I'm passingly-interested in cars - but would really only discuss with someone I knew or at least saw regularly such as asking a work colleague about their new one parked outside or asking what's up if they mention theirs is in the garage. It's an odd question for an introduction!

There is definitely a judgeyness for some people but I don't think it's about price and more about make round here as you get a lot of talk about French cars being crap with expensive parts, BMWs being overpriced, etc. I think my friend's Fiat 500 is very cool to look at but thinknshe was mad to spend the money she did on it but I wouldn't say that!

mamalovebird · 26/08/2016 18:00

I love cars and driving but it's a personal thing. I don't care or judge people on what they drive.

I choose to spend more than what would probably be considered average on my car but I have friends who spend loads of money on designer clothes which I'm not really in to.

Would never dream of actually asking what someone drives - unless the topic of cars came up.

ENormaSnob · 26/08/2016 18:10

Dont give a shite what other people drive.

Or myself for that matter.

I have a vehicle that suits my needs perfectly. I get a few raised brows/confused faces but I don't really care tbh.

Youvegottobekidding · 26/08/2016 18:18

What an odd thing to ask when you've just met someone!

And yes, there are people I think, who do judge you by what you drive, when I was on FB, there was one friend in particular, who, on many occasions would 'boast' about their cars, when they were getting a new one, when the snow chains were coming out, when the husband had sneaked off with the 'best' car & left the 4x4 for the mum, oh it was relentless!!

We had 2nd hand 14 yr old mondeo for several years (held together with duck tape in the end) & there were tears when we had to let it go!! We could've gone out & bought a brand new car on finance any time we wanted to, but we had a car that worked, got us from a to b. We were lucky to of had that mondeo.

ecuse · 26/08/2016 18:21

I give zero shits and find it odd when people ask unless in the context of 'we're thinking of buying a new car, what's yours like?'

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 26/08/2016 18:26

Very odd!

I wouldn't judge someone on their car but I would probably judge this women on the fact it was the second question she asked having just met you (I would assume her to be either very shallow or a bit socially inadequate!)

Caipora · 26/08/2016 18:31

I like classic cars so if someone was into classic cars I would ask them what they had. But that is a pretty nerdy question to ask someone and you'd have to know they were into classic cars. If someone asked me what car I drove, I'd be a bit Hmm better the awkward silence than that kind of ice-breaker.

Doobigetta · 26/08/2016 18:32

I think we're all judgmental about cars actually. I bet those of us (including me) who say we don't give a shit about them would be pretty sniffy about someone who drove a massive shiny blingy 4x4 but still lived with their mum. So if people ask me what car I drive I tell them what colour it is.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 26/08/2016 18:41

I'm a petrolhead too and I can usually remember what cars people drive but I've never asked that as a second question of a new acquaintance.
I don't use it as a guide to whether someone would be a friend either. Amongst people I like I've got non drivers, bikers and drivers of everything from ancient Corsas to fancy German card.