To ask for some appropriate phrases in French...

[LifeIsGoodish]

Off to Western French Med for a seaside holiday.

I cover. I wear long sleeves or loose flowing caftany things out of the water, and a long-sleeved rash vest in the water, sometimes Capri-leggings instead of bikini bottoms. Big hat, practical rather than glamorous.

Why I cover is irrelevant, IMO.

My French is reasonable for a Brit, but I would like a few phrases or useful vocabulary to help me in any discussions that might come up.

Not of the VTFF variety

I honestly doubt anyone will make any comment on how you're dressed, but if they do :

"Ma façon de m'habiller ne vous concerne pas" (they way i dress is not any of your business)

Is fairly polite

I doubt it, too. That's why I said Western, because the fuss ATM is on the Eastern side. But I like to be prepared.

Thanks

"Je suis anglaise." should cover all your bases

Or, very loud and clear and with attitude: "Pardon me, can you repeat that in English, please, I don't speak French!"
Then louder and clearer: "You want me to undress in front of you?"

"J'ai une intolérance solaire mais je veux quand même venir à la plage" (if you want to be a bit sharp you can add "et puis ça ne vous regarde pas"). It is an easy non-confrontational way out, IF you have to explain yourself at all. On the western end of the med it is unlikely because we have fewer horrible FN councils, except in Beziers.

C'est exact - j'ai une intolérance solaire.

Mais ce n'est pas relévant!

I don't want to 'excuse' myself. "Don't worry Mme La Xenophobe, it's OK for me to cover up because I'm not a Muslim."

I don't actually think anyone will even notice you let alone come and talking to you about what you are or aren't wearing but "Pourquoi voulez-vous savoir? Comment cela vous regarde t-il? Occupez-vous de vos oignons" will do if you really want to be combative. (that's not relevant = cela n'est pas la question or ça n'a rien à voir)

Ach, go for "va-te faire foutre!" (English pronunciation Fat Fair Footr)

which is basically eff-off.

They've suspended the ban but anyway they don't seem to have ever objected people covering up with trousers, kaftans or sun hats as it seems the ban was religion based or as Sarkozy said "security"

Dégage! - bugger off

Et ta mère ? Je te demande ce qu'elle porte?

wow, what an attitude, ready to start a fight before even setting foot in a foreign country. Why do you even bother going to France when you would have a much better time in Italy, Spain, Morocco, Tunisia where nice weather is guaranteed?

it's OK for me to cover up because I'm not a Muslim what a charming way to try to stir up a confrontation with passive aggressive racism.
Really, you should chose another holiday destination. You might find it hilarious, the locals who had to pick up body parts last month a lot less amusing.

Dear God, do not tell any police officers 'va te faire foutre.'

OP, if you don't mind me asking - are you white? Because if so nobody will even notice, so ridiculous is this situation.

do not tell any police officers 'va te faire foutre

Oh please, do!

Same kind of jokes than yelling you have a bomb in your bag in a plane after 911. Hilarious.

Est-ce que vous aviez l'intention d'être si impoli?

Est-ce que vous reniflez de la colle?

(This is mumsnet, after all)

well the ban has been ruled illegal, which is kind of a shame as you could have had an interesting time experimenting with exactly what combination of clothes would be deemed excessive. Suppose for example you had a wetsuit and a swim hat and a small gold crucifix? a bikini and a tattoo depicting the sacred heart? or, in fact a burkini accessorised with white skin?

Yoko Je pense que je t'adore un peu

je suis un rockstar
je habitez la
dans une maison

completely unhelpful.....

And Cherry, you can reniflez de la colle.

You've got hold of entirely the wrong end of the stick. I have no intention whatsoever of mocking or demeaning anyone. I am not PA or rude. I wish to stand up for women's right to dress as they choose and to be treated with dignity. My whole point was that the ban was about xenophobia, that 'they' would inevitably react differently to a white, non-Muslim, European covering up than they would to Semitic-looking Muslim.

Do not whatever you do insult the French police. They are very touchy.
And clearly come armed to humiliate anyone in a burkhini.

Try putting your phone on to record and ask "Qu'est ce j'ai fait?" then "Je veux parler avec le consulat /l'ambassade."

The ban on burkhinis has been suspended, not ruled out of court so it may be reinstated. BTW crucifix necklaces are banned as well. Not clear how French mayors stand on nuns walking on beaches.

I have no intention whatsoever of mocking or demeaning anyone

obviously.

I applaud your stand for women's right, strongly ranting on an internet forum, but without making any change to your holiday plans in a country whose laws you morally oppose. Admirable.

life merci

jayho now you're talking my language, dans Le SouthofFrance...excellent tune (although if we're talking morally dubious then Bill Wyman fits the, er, bill)

Oh you is so totes hilaire and edgy op

I really don't think you'll encounter a problem :-/ Many of the French are actually against the Burkini ban from those I have spoken to and some articles I've seen