to be upset about empty nest even though it's weeks away yet?

[Ledeluge]

In theory I am looking forward to it. Both DS off to uni this autumn, both very much ready to go, I'm excited for them, I'm looking forward to DH and I having the house to ourselves, less housework, less shopping, more chilling time, meals out etc....

So why did I start bawling when I was checking out term dates? Really was not expecting that. Hmm, maybe this is going to be harder than I bargained for?

How far away are they going? For me it wasn't a problem with DC1, who went to university relatively close by and turned up with washing at least once a fortnight. But no.2 went to a university around 5 hours' drive away and I just hated leaving her there and sat and cried for an hour after dropping her off. It was also hateful when I got back to our house and it hit me all over again that she wasn't in it. Obviously I got over it to an extent, but for all three years that was repeated, to a less extreme extent, every time she went back.

Sorry, that won't have cheered you up at all, but at least you know you're not the only one.

I am getting a rescue dog the week after dd goes - I will slowly replace each child with another pet I think.

I replaced DD with a staffie/border collie cross when she went to uni. DS is off in a few weeks but sadly I don't think I can afford another dog.

My youngest is off to uni in about 3 weeks. I was fine with it all until she got her accommodation confirmed yesterday. I found myself welling up when taking to her about it. She said ‘you seem upset mum’ and i couldn’t really answer her as i knew i would start crying. Today i am fine and we are now making plans and lists. I never felt like this when DD1 went off as i knew i still had DD2 at home for another 6 years but now it is just going to be me DH and DDog (and she will never leave me ).

Yep luckily I have a devoted poodle so likewise DH and DDog. My DDs uni is a 2 hour drive away, she's going to Brighton so no doubt she will have a great time. I think at the moment the first hurdle is coming back to the empty house and then fear of the unknown and I guess acceptance of her growing further apart from her home.

Mine is going over 400 miles away! After we drop her in September we won’t see her again until Christmas. She is terrible at keeping in touch too.

Bluesky- my dad is at a 400 mile away place too. She needed a long weekend at home to take a breath in about November- it might be worth seeing if you can book a really cheap flight- so cheap it doesn't matter if you don't use it- and keep it in reserve.

Bertrand Could be a good idea. The place she is going has a great airport and cheapish flights to our nearest one. DD1 lives a 2 hour train ride away and I am hoping she will go and see her or DD2 will go stay with her sister for a few days to get a breather. She is a fairly quiet girl and is going into a big sociable hall. She may love it or she may find to all a bit too full on. Only time will tell.

I guess I'm lucky its not so far and a good excuse for trips to Brighton. I really want to spend time with her before she goes but it feels so emotional I almost want it to be over with so I can get on with working out how it will all work after she has left, hope that doesn't sound bad. But then on the other hand I don't want the time to go at all

I think for me this has only just hit. Over the past week we have had the following minor crises:
i) Didn't make grades for Firm or Insurance - but fortunately Insurance have accepted her
ii) No 1st year accommodation guarantee for Insurance candidates, couldn't apply for any left over places in halls until lunchtime Monday this week, and won't hear back from accommodation office until 5th Sept
iii) Landlord of private halls (£2k more per year) wanted agreement signed yesterday - and although DD now out of country, said if it wasn't signed, she would lose place to someone on their waiting list - despite us having put down £400 non refundable reservation fee. She managed to find someway of doing this, but is quite stressed about not being in 'proper' Uni halls. I am v about actions of landlord, but trying to be more 'stoical and positive about the social side' in calls with DD.

Now that is all over, I am looking forward to the exciting part of helping her along this important step to independence, but am really dreading the whole moving her into room and then leaving her there bit. Hopefully there will be some lovely people in her flat, and she generally gets on well with people, but I will struggle to not bundle her into the car and run if we are faced with a whole bunch of closed doors in the flat.

Fingers crossed that her flatmates are all the DC of MN'ers, with door wedges at the ready.

I think the weeks before they go are actually worse than when they go. Its the waiting, knowing that you are going to miss them so much, dreading them going but also being happy for them and for yourself that they achieved their goals. It's such a mixture of emotions. The actual leaving them, was for me horrendous but you do get used to it. If they are happy you will soon be too. One out of my three had a really bad time for a while and that was very hard but we got through!

I have another year to go, but have randomly started having short panic attacks about it already. And I am the most sensible, straightforward, down to earth, matter of fact emotionless bot in existence. We had a dry run this summer as dd1 got accepted to a university summer program for a month that was a five hour flight away. And then it hit me that all I am going to be doing for the next six years is waving them off one by one.
Even worse, dd2 realised that dd1 would be leaving next year and cried for three days once we had put dd1 on the plane to her summer school. Three days.
If anyone has any ideas on how to get bereft siblings through, for goodness sake let me know. Any time between now and next August will do....

Plan a holiday, plan stuff to do, get a dog, start volunteering, sign up to an evening class, buy gin and tissues.
My problem was that before the DC left for uni, my health deteriorated, so I couldn't go back to work after being sahm.
I was fine at first, as long as the DC kept in touch. I'd worry when I hadn't had a text or email for 3 weeks.
I actually find it harder now they are properly independent. I see DD for the odd 10 minutes every few months, and on Christmas Day. I see DS over Christmas, and once or twice in the year. He visited this weekend, and I cried for about 3 hours afterwards.
Volunteering has been the best thing I have done, although I admit, I do have more time for it, as I can't work. I had planned to be houseproud, once the messy kids left, but when they did, I discovered that it was DH who made most of the mess!

Mixed feelings, a real roller coaster: one minute really excited and thrilled for him, the next minute quite emotional (but not when he's looking). It definitely feels like the end of an era. Of course It may be the start of a new one but not sure what it's going to look like.

As Flo says, it's the end of an era thing. I'm so excited for him as he's lucky enough to be going to a fab uni in a beautiful place but can't believe I'm not going to see him for weeks and weeks at a time. I found myself randomly sobbing in the car on the way to Tesco today. We are taking ds2 with us next Saturday when we drop ds1 off, that way I will have to behave and hold myself together. YADNBU