To make DS get a job, as he doesn't help around the house?

[edmi]

Genuinely curious, as I see many people on here say how college/full-time education should be just what they focus on. DS is 17. He does not help one bit around the house - I tidy his bedroom, clean his room, then I do everything else around the house - washing, ironing, cleaning, dinner, put dishes in dishwasher, etc. I have said that he needs to help around the house, not big things, but tidy his room, make his bed, maybe even put the washing out or bring the dinner stuff to the kitchen. Nope, he's having none of it. So I said he needs to get a part-time job then and pay me £5 a week to do all of this stuff. He says absolutely not and it's practically abuse to make him pay to live at home I think he's missing the point. Grrr.

How has he got to 17 doing no jobs!? It's quite late to be starting to teach him important domestic life skills! At his age he should be cooking once s week for everyone, hoovering, doing his own room and washing.

I would stop tidying his room, cooking or washing his clothes. You're either working as a team and all pulling your weight or it's each man for himself. Your Ds wants to be waited on hand and foot, which would never happen in my house.

Why does he think he's above caring for himself and others? But you should be his maid?!

'He does not help one bit around the house - I tidy his bedroom, clean his room, then I do everything else around the house - washing, ironing, cleaning, dinner, put dishes in dishwasher, etc.'

It's not 'helping' it's doing your fair share and pulling your weight in life. I would stop doing this for him entirely. Tell him if he leaves his shit laying round the house outside his room that you will throw it away. And then fucking do it. Stop giving him money.

Change the WiFi password. He does his bit for the day and he can use the WiFi.

Why has he been allowed to get away with this throughout his teenage years? :o

Even my 10 year old manages to tidy his bedroom, and I got him to peel some potatoes the other day :lol:

Stop cleaning and tidying his room.
Have a laundry basket in his room (and return anything that escapes to it) and teach him to wash, dry, iron and put away his own clothes. If it's easier for you to manage you could have a schedule for washing machine use, so he can have it a set day or two per week.
Stop feeding him apart from a family dinner every night (if that's what you prefer). Breakfast, lunch and snacks he sorts himself and if he doesn't clean up after himself then the wifi password gets changed or confiscate his phone

Kids don't naturally spring into doing chores, and with you babying him so long he's had no need! (A 17 year old isn't going to do something if he knows he can get away without doing it with no natural or enforced consequences!)

Of course his dad is on the scene, DS is not biologically mine! I adopted him when we got married as his mum was not on the scene

What a strange, PA response. How is anyone supposed to know these things from just reading your initial post?

Anyways:

• stop buying him nice things to eat over and above his 3 square meals a day
• don't fund him by way of pocket money
• don't buy him computer games, magazines, etc etc
• change the WiFi password
• don't take him on planned holidays, excursions, cinema etc

It's the same as when he was 10. You take away the stuff that matters until the chores are done.

So on a Saturday morning you turn the wifi off and don't turn it back on til the chores are done

Or take the Xbox

Or just have toast and beans in the house until it's done

Find the currency he lives by and make him comply by taking it away