AIBU to expect her to ask?

[nervoussam]

Hi everyone,

Just want a bit of reassurance that I'm not being a total child here (I probably am a bit tbh but I'm hormonal so will blame it on that!)
I'm 20 weeks pregnant and have my scan on Friday. My mum and I have an odd relationship, she'd probably describe us as close but I wouldn't particularly, I wouldn't go running to her with a problem for example. But we see each other most weeks for dinner and it generally normal otherwise - we just don't have that close mother/daughter- tell each other everything sort of relationship (won't go into the reasons)

We were at my nephew's christening last weekend and had a bbq at my sis' the night before, despite it being the first time in weeks we'd seen each other (holidays etc) she didn't even ask me how I was. She just talked about all the wonderful things my nephew had done in the few days she'd been staying with my sis (he is a lovely, happy boy and I think the world of him but a quick "how are you feeling" wouldn't have gone amiss!) I thought when everyone else in the family started asking and being really interested in the pregnancy that she would too, but no. Obviously the day of the christening itself, i would not have expected anything to be said. It as his special day and I wouldn't want to take focus away from that. (Although there was still a lot of baby talk with other family and friends)

She's been away again this week and we're looking after her dog, she's text to ask how the dog is, but no check in for me. (This is my first and she knows we had trouble conceiving so it is extra special for us) She must remember that my scan is this week as it was discussed with the wider group last weekend, by again no mention.

I'm worried my child will always be second best to my nephew (and new step-niece) as that's all she talks about. I don't want to be pandered to, but a bit of interest wouldn't go amiss would it? I've had friends who've I've mentioned it to once, weeks ago, text me this week wishing me luck but not her. Am I asking too much or just being a child about this?

Next time she phones to ask about the dog say "yes, and I'm fine too thanks for asking".

You're not asking too much at all. Your mum of all people should care more than anyone!

I agree with PP, say in a sarcastic tone 'thanks for asking about me'. Maybe she'll get the message. If she doesn't, don't let it get under your skin.

Thanks both, I was tempted to respond to a text she sent me this morning (asking to for help with her phone) with a "I'm fine btw, 20 week scan Friday if you're interested".

Perhaps she thinks she'd be intruding by asking about medical information?

I doubt it, she had an obsession with googling medication and illnesses. She loves hearing about that stuff (and asking about it)

But anyway, I'm not expecting her to ask anything in depth. Just a "how are you feeling", "all ok so far" "scan is soon isn't it? Good luck" etc etc

Maybe she finds children more interesting once they're out in the world? Seems a bit weird though that she wouldn't ask after you.

Does she have form for this?

I wouldn't bother telling her about the scan, if she wants to know she can ask.

She does have form tbh, she's very inward looking. The sort of person who if you say you've had a tough day at work, hers was 10 times worse (and then proceeds to tell you all about it rather than ask about yours)....

How would it be intruding to show concern for her growing grandchild?? And of course her dd!!