To be a bit disappointed with my parents this summer?

[LumpyMcBentface]

They are both retired, but still young and fit, and have a car.

I can't currently drive. I have three DC, two teens and a five year old. I live in a village a few miles from them.

They have been out with my sister and her two DC almost every day. FB is full of happy photos of them at parks, museums, various tourist destinations.

Although they have had my older two (separately) on two occasions, they haven't once invited me or ds2 out with them. It's been a long, lonely holidays for various reasons and although we've seen them, it's always been at our instigation.

We've seen the ILs every week and I suspect my mother is a bit sour about it, hence the lack of invitations.

And then she has made a couple of pointed comments about the fact ds2 hasn't done much this summer.

I feel like a bit of a whinging kid, but I'm more than a little bit sad about it.

AIBU to expect more from them?

No, my sister always drives as she has two toddlers and the car seats don't fit in my dads car.

I dunno. That might be the issue.

Is it anything to do with money? Two toddlers would be free at attractions but 2 teens and a 5 year old would be child or even full adult price. Perhaps they don't want to invite you as they fear they will end up paying? Grasping at straws!

I'm quite sure my siblings would write the same complaint as you about me, however I make all the arrangements and always include my parents if I think they would like it. I very regularly try to include both siblings and their families however it becomes a damn circus - I'll have to check the diaries, we will need to be back for.., could we go another day, or we'll let you know and then you don't know what is happening until they decide to get back in touch. Each time I include the others I swear a lot never to do it again...

I'm quite sure this is not the case for you but just saying feel so much better for that arseholes!

So they always take two cars & you & your kids could all fit in?

Do they think that the teens wouldn't be interested or that you wouldn't want to leave them?

If your sister has organised it then they perhaps don't feel that it's up to them to invite you.

What normally happens over summer when you can drive?

It is very hurtful and it seems clear they are either thick-skinned and insensitive or there is an agenda of some sort. I can imagine exactly how I would have felt in a similar situation and it makes me feel like a hurt child. No way are you being unreasonable.
As others have said, speak up and ask them outright why they are behaving in this way. IMO, it is plain unfair to treat siblings differently.

As others have said, speak up and ask them outright why they are behaving in this way. IMO, it is plain unfair to treat siblings differently.

we don't actually know if they are treating the siblings differently or if the siblings are treating them differently. If the ops Dsis is the one who is arranging all the outings then it's a completely different matter. The ops parents can't manage these days out with just the op and her dc as there wouldn't be room in her dads car for all of them. It may not seem fair on the surface but we don't know all the ins and outs.

Would six people fit in your parents' car?

So 2 cars

DS plus 2 toddlers

DP -

That's 5

In two 5 sweaters there's another 5 spaces spare

It's possible -

You need to speak up! Loudly

I do a lot with my parents. I suggest the vast majority of the things we do, whether it's them visiting me, us going on holiday, me visiting them etc.

To anyone else it might look as though my parents treat me differently to my siblings but it really is a case of my siblings giving my parents the impression that they're not as bothered about spending time with them as I am.

I think that before you get too upset about this OP you should try phoning them up and say the kids and I would love to have a day out with you. How about we go to X. When would you be free to do that?

OP,myou are seeing your sister today so just ask her if there's any reason why you haven't been invited along to some of these days out. It could be a number of different reasons including not wanting you to overdo it if you've been unwell. Unless you ask in a non angry way and say how you'd love to come along, you just won't know - or be asked.

i agree i think you need to start talking about how you'd like to be invited, and wouldn't it be great if you could do more things together. Doesn't have to be tricky - just a few upbeat remarks to p and sister about how they've been on lots of lovely trips and it would be great to go along on them.

It would seem, to me anyway, that your dsis is happy to come round to see you, instead of the day out. So that means that, hopefully she likes you and wants to spend time with you.

(I am hoping she doesn't see you as extra child care making her day easier with lots of kids. Is she the stronger character of the two of you, perhaps? )

If it is a car issue, is it a payment for petrol issue? Have you offered money for petrol? Payment for parking? Something to even up the balance of you not having your driver's license at the moment.

If , as you say, you hope to get your license back, things should be back to normal for you before too long. It seems jolly bad luck for this to happen over the summer holidays and maybe your sister is being a bit stubborn over the heads of it.

Keep those lines of communication open and get yourself included in those family trips.

I think it's rotten of them OP, particularly given your MH issues.

All the more reason to support you and help your DC enjoy their Summer. Shame on them.

Well I've had a nice morning with dsis and all her extra kids. It was lovely to see them all.

I expect it's six of one and half a dozen of the other, I haven't been very proactive at all this summer and they've left me behind a bit.

I'm not going to dwell on it, it is what it is.

And then she has made a couple of pointed comments about the fact ds2 hasn't done much this summer.

Surely that's your opening to say something along the lines that yes, DS2 hasn't done nearly as much as your DSis' children, what a shame, why is it that they never ask him?

You didn't discuss it with your sister ?...

Sorry but I don't get it ...why didn't you bring it up when you saw her today

It's a complicated family dynamic. If I'd said anything to her she's likely to say something to mum and it would all become a huge issue that I just can't deal with.

Well I do think the most likely explanation is the space in the car thing, coupled with the difficulty of trying to find something to appeal to a wide age range.

If it was just your parents, you and your kids that would be six people so probably more than would fit in your Dad's car.

If it was all of you including your sister and her children then you probably could all fit in two cars but perhaps they boggle at the thought of finding something to entertain toddlers up to teens.

You say they have had your two eldest individually but not your 5 year old. Could there be some reasonable explanation for this? E.g. do your two eldest fall out with each other or egg each other on or behave in any way that might make it hard work to have both of them together? Is your 5 year old too needy or too "lively" for them just yet?

Ring them up and put a date in the diary, apologise for not being able to drive ( for now) and that you don't want it to stop you seeing them, ( spread it on thick!) but that you are happy to pay for the petrol, prob teens won't join u if its a place that does interest them, I leave mine at home and ask them where they would like to go another time.
Good luck.
Remember......'It's not what happens to you, but how you react and deal with it that matters'