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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave my 16 year old home alone for the weekend?

54 replies

Kalopsia77 · 23/08/2016 21:20

Genuinely interested to hear other mums' opinion on this, I didn't think anything of it until I saw some headline in a goady crappy newspaper today about leaving a 17 year old (? Wtf?). So we live in a rural hamlet, safe and boring as hell but neighbours close enough to see the house, we work full time and don't really see a lot of the neighbours but we are all friendly and the kids know them much better than we do - the bus stop is a mile away and its the done thing to do for neighbours to pick up any of the local kids in the lane and drop them in the village - just a bit of back story to set the scene!

We are taking eldest kid up to uni in Scotland next weekend (370 miles away) and the 12 year old is coming with us. 16 year old boy has work on the Sunday lunchtime so has chosen to stay home and mind the dog (very soft spaniel who goes NUTS barking if anyone approaches the drive gates). We will be leaving early Saturday morning, stopping over and heading back Sunday so probably home for 6 or 7. He is super sensible and just doesn't party, we said we are happy for him to have mates over but they are typical lovely nerd boys (all boys grammar school kids so not even any girls) and would run a mile at drugs etc (I'm not naive, I was a proper folks away, house party, sick everywhere, spliff burns in the carpets type of teen in the 90s) Its not his style, he is so responsible and practical and sensible and knows he can knock on any neighbours door in an emergency (we will let them know in advance!)

I think this is fine?! No worries at all, he is a great kid and not far off 17 - I have relatives who were in the armed forces/married/parents at his age so it seems ridiculous to worry about him. He works, looks after his brother in the holidays and is an all round good solid boy.

AIBU to just not even worry about this?! He is more than happy with the situation btw, really laid back lovely boy (I love him to bits, can you tell? Grin)

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 23/08/2016 21:44

I think it's fine. We are leaving our just turned 17 year old for a week in October and we are going abroad. Like your ds he is sensible, his Grandad will be popping in to keep an eye on him and his gf's family are round the corner if needed. He could be going off to Uni next year so neds to be independent.

Natsku · 23/08/2016 21:44

Perfectly fine - 16 year olds can move out and live by themselves so reckon one weekend ought to be alright!

Kalopsia77 · 23/08/2016 21:45

writer that's impressive! I had some brilliant/stupid/dangerous/memorable parties as a teen too, it's part of growing up!

OP posts:
Whathaveilost · 23/08/2016 21:47

I was encouraging both my lads to go away by themselves at 16 and stay in hostels. DH and I also went away for several 1 X week holidays. Nothing went wrong.
Ds1 had his girlfriend round and there was evidence that they had been shopping at Aldi, cooking and cleaning up!
Washing was even pegged on the line on our return.

Aworldofmyown · 23/08/2016 21:48

I moved out at 16! Went to live with my 20 year old 'fiance'!

Your son will be fine Grin

Ladymayormaynot · 23/08/2016 21:49

Good on you Whathave - more parents need to do this .

NavyandWhite · 23/08/2016 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kalopsia77 · 23/08/2016 21:52

Thanks all! It is great to get that feedback, I had no problems with it at all and maybe need to get an eye test Blush I love my kids bring independent, it feels like that's kind of the point in raising them. My just turned 18 year old just got back from a week long holiday in London with her best friend and is off hundreds of miles away to uni without a backwards glance. I'm proud Smile

OP posts:
Kalopsia77 · 23/08/2016 21:53

Navy send him over! Mine are boring Grin

OP posts:
purplefox · 23/08/2016 21:55

My parents went on holiday for 10 days when I was 16, I was totally fine. You can live alone at 16 so leaving him for the weekend is pretty minor.

NavyandWhite · 23/08/2016 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovecherries · 23/08/2016 21:58

It's fine. Much better for them to work up to independence. I left mine from 16, for an overnight initially and working up to longer. Like you, friendly neighbours, responsible kid and a loud but soft as butter dog. If not now then when?

Annie592 · 23/08/2016 21:58

Definitely fine, in fact I think it's a good thing. My (incredibly cautious!) parents went away for a week when I was 17, and it actually made me really appreciate them when they came back!! Your son sounds lovely :-)

PersianCatLady · 23/08/2016 22:03

I would trust my 16 year old son at home for a week but I would expect there to be lots of clothes washing but apart from that he would be fine.

sniggy01 · 23/08/2016 22:11

No problem leaving him - we live in an age of mobile phones - you can be in constant contact if you want to be although not necessary. I don't think we trust our children enough or give them enough responsibility. If he is happy to stay alone then there really isn't any problem.

skankingpiglet · 23/08/2016 22:19

My only worry with leaving a 16yo would be house parties (fear of having teens that don't fall far from the tree). At 16 me or DH would have been just fine. The house would hopefully be...
My mum did used to leave me for 2 or 3 nights mid week fairly regularly from 15 as she was a single mother with a job that required her to work away from home. I was always fine.

JaceLancs · 23/08/2016 22:45

My parents left me alone for a week which I was ok about until I started getting heavy breather phone calls which totally freaked me out - had to ring police in end as it turned into s stalking experience - they managed to contact my parents via local police (they were camping in Scotland) obviously this was pre mobiles
My parents were unwilling to come back so agreed my 19 yr old boyfriend could stay

JaceLancs · 23/08/2016 22:48

Forgot to add I left my DC from age 16 but I was only away one night to start with and could've got home within 20 minutes (staying with DP)
They loved the freedom and had lots of friends round for sleepovers - the worst that ever happened were a few spilt drinks which they cleaned up or paid for carpet cleaning, and on another occasion had to call on a neighbour for help when they fused the electrics

SlightlyperturbedOwl · 23/08/2016 22:51

Without wanting to de-rail the thread, I guess that would be the same Daily mail that expounds regularly about 'scrounging single mothers' not going to work? Hmm because we all know that school-hours only well-paid jobs are literally falling off the back of every lorry in the country...

Cannonbear · 23/08/2016 22:52

Christ, I moved country alone when I was just turned 17. Yanbu!

FayaMAMA · 23/08/2016 23:00

Wow, YANBU!

My parents left my two younger brothers alone for the weekend a couple of years back (then 16 and 17), almost expecting them to have a house party of some kind (seeing as that's what the rest of us did at that age). It was the weekend when the new FIFA game came out so they just invited all their friends over and played it non stop for two days.... they lived on bread, crisps and take-away pizza but survived perfectly fine.

16/17 year olds are basically adults, no? I'm sure I'll feel differently when my DDs are that age though!

DiegeticMuch · 23/08/2016 23:50

A YouGov survey today showed that there are still people who wouodnt leave 14 year olds alone for 2 hours. Ttheres some ridiculous mollycoddling going on (not you OP).

skankingpiglet · 24/08/2016 09:19

DiegeticMuch Shock And employers blame schools for not preparing teenagers for real life...

Wellywife · 24/08/2016 09:34

Fine from here too. DS (16) went away to Poland for the week with just friends post GCSE. Was impressed how well organised they were!

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 24/08/2016 09:37

He is nearly 17. He will be fine. It is important to show your DC you trust them.