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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think we should keep quiet?

47 replies

WinterIsHereJon · 23/08/2016 19:45

BIL is a bit serial womaniser; three failed marriages by 26 and a near constant stream of girlfriends since then. He's very selfish and immature so they never last. He's in the army, and recently found out he's to be posted abroad for two years. He's been with the latest girlfriend for no time at all, but I know she'd like to go with him and has dropped constant hints about marriage. BIL adamant it won't happen.

More recently she's made a few comments about feeling she's the age to start a family, asking to take my DCs out and saying the timing would be perfect as BIL would have to marry her I'd mentioned her comments to DH as I thought it a little desperate and strange - BIL does not see the relationship as serious and I've heard him tell her so.

Fast forward to today and she's announced she's pregnant. BIL seems surprised and told DH they were being careful. DH suspects she may have been intentionally less careful and wants to tell BIL about the comments she's been making. I think we should keep out of it and that it won't end well if we interfere. Who is BU?

OP posts:

CafeCremeMerci · 23/08/2016 21:05

Serial womaniser & stupid twat...match made in heaven.

Leave them to it. They sound pretty equally matched.

mrssiriusblack · 23/08/2016 21:17

Rollon - if you separate the serving solider has to update the system called JPA and then he moves into the block. They then have 93 days to move. No difference if there's children involved. If it's a female soldier then she gets a house with the children and the man leaves. A serving male solider with 50/50 custody won't get a house - it's outrageous!!

If the soldier dies, it's 2 years to vacate but the wives I know who lost their husbands moved much quicker than that.

I've seen so many young women get married to "get a house" and they just can't cope with the lifestyle and the isolation. The woman the OP is talking about would have to move to another country if they got married, which is even more of struggle. I've seen some really horrible situations with marriages here!

rollonthesummer · 23/08/2016 21:18

Thank you for that-Mrs Sirius. My entire knowledge of the army is from late 90s episodes of Soldier Soldier!!

MiddleClassProblem · 23/08/2016 21:22

She sounds (sounds not is) like someone who is quite obsessive saying she wants to move abroad with him and saying if preggers they have to marry (potential trap which I hope he doesn't take her up on).

It's not often I feel sorry for a womaniser but it doesn't state that he cheats etc. It's sounds actually like he was desperate to be loved or have what he thought was love hence the marriages but now not wanting anything serious it seems he knows himself a bit better now.

mrssiriusblack · 23/08/2016 21:22

No problem rollon

youarenotkiddingme · 23/08/2016 21:24

I'd stay out of it if I was you. I'd also advise DH to do the same. But tell him it's between him and his brother and if he does decide to get involved it won't be with your help.

t4nut · 23/08/2016 21:27

Squaddies. Big immature children.

Viviennemary · 23/08/2016 21:28

I don't envy either of them. Three failed marriages at 26. That must be a bit of a record. The girl hasn't behaved well either. Just leave them to it.

PickAChew · 23/08/2016 21:30

It's a trainwreck that needs to be observed from a safe distance.

mrssiriusblack · 23/08/2016 21:31

T4nut - quite the generalisation. My husband is a "squaddie" and is very mature!! Perhaps rethink wording??

Titflaps · 23/08/2016 21:37

Cripes!! Keep well out of it OP. What's done is done there's nothing that'll change it.

MyBreadIsEggy · 23/08/2016 21:47

t4nut nice sweeping generalisation

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 23/08/2016 21:48

A cynical thought.....you only have her word for it that she IS pregnant.

maddiemookins16mum · 23/08/2016 21:50

Step away from the drama.

maddiemookins16mum · 23/08/2016 21:52

My brother was in the services (in Cyprus, NI and Germany). Believe me, he is no big kid (and never was from about 15!!).

PersianCatLady · 23/08/2016 21:54

A cynical thought.....you only have her word for it that she IS pregnant
Good point there!!

MiddleClassProblem · 23/08/2016 22:05

What Devil said, all over

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 23/08/2016 22:05

Just practise looking shocked and sympathetic for when it all goes horribly wrong.

myshinynewusername · 23/08/2016 22:09

Agree that it is possible that she is making it up out of desperation to 'save' her relationship.

myshinynewusername · 23/08/2016 22:09

Agree that it is possible that she is making it up out of desperation to 'save' her relationship.

DesolateWaist · 23/08/2016 22:14

A cynical thought.....you only have her word for it that she IS pregnant.

I thought that too.
Also, the op makes it sound like the girlfriend announced it to the BIL at the same time as she told the OP and her DH.

RepentAtLeisure · 23/08/2016 22:17

If your DH tells him, he'll almost definitely end it with her, and if there is to be a niece or nephew bear in mind that she'd almost definitely have primary residence because of his career. It would be best to be on friendly terms for the child's sake.

By the way, given your BILs history I wouldn't be surprised if he gave little to no thought to birth control. 'They' is obviously 'her'. You never know, becoming a father might help him mature at last?

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