To be at a total loss as to what to do about this child?

[ambergreenred]

DD is 11 and has just finished year 6, and is about to start secondary school.

Since reception at primary school she has been friends with a girl who I would basically describe as a 'Friend Assasin'. She does not want DD to have any other friends, and anyone that DD does become friends with this girl stirs and tells lies about DD, before making that friend her new best friend, turning them against DD and DD is left out in the cold.

Over the years at primary school DD has been friends with this girl, and not been friends with her at various times yet friend or not this girl STILL does this. Her mother is very much a divide and conquer, gossipy type who does this kind of thing too, so no use speaking to her about it. I have spoken to the school time and again but they have always said it is a grey area and that there was nothing that they could do about it as they can't dictate who children are friends with, even though this girl has always turned others against DD.

For the last term of year 6, DD became friends with a really nice girl and really liked her. Towards the end of the term, the other girl turned the new friend against DD and now is best friends with her.

DD is not going to the same secondary school as friend assasin, however we do live in a small town where everybody knows everybody else. It is really hard to be anonymous and have any fresh starts and make new friends here. This week DD has been going to a summer camp type thing at her new school for all the year 7s to get to know each other. Yesterday she spent the day hanging round with a new friend she had made, who is in her form.

Today she got to the school and this new friend said that the friend assasin had sent her a lengthy message on social media last night telling her not to be friends with DD and that DD isn't very nice, and with lots of lies in it. DD is not on any social media, I won't allow her to be. However, everyone else seems to be and friend assasin had asked other friends from DD's primary school who DD had made friends with at the new school, then deliberately sought her out on social media, added her as a friend, and messaged her!!

I really am at a loss as to how to deal with this! As I said, this girl is at a different school so no point speaking to DD's new school. And as our town is small and everyone seems to know everyone else I feel that this girl will deliberately seek out anyone DD is friends with. She even, earlier this year, found out who DD is friends with at guides and befriended them too.

What do I do? It's not acceptable, is it?

I wouldn't contact the police yet because you haven't actually seen or obtained any evidence yourself.
I would creat a FB/Snapchat/Instagram account for your daughter.
It's fairly inevitable that this other child will contact her and once you have your own evidence of bullying then you have a much better case for escalating.
In the meantime, definitely give the new school a heads up AND contact the girls parents. That may just be enough to stop it now if they are decent people.

Get a screenshot from new friend.
Take screenshot to new school, talk to relevant person about cyberbullying.
Ask new school to talk to whole Y7 about this issue (no names obv!)

I know a girl just like this in RL. Most other girls are frightened to utter a word in front of her. She has a pair of hench-girls who she orders about and the remaining girls just cower. I cannot understand how a little kid gets this much power over others and scares them so much or why they want to create a culture of fear and upset.

You need a copy from new friend.

I'm not sure if I'd go to the police yet, but perhaps straight to the new school and let them know the situation.

Sadly, she will probably find a new target when she gets to secondary school.

The parents of the "new friend" should also be alarmed that their child received such a communication from someone who is, essentially, a randomer!

Lelloteddy Thu 25-Aug-16 21:19:33
I wouldn't contact the police yet because you haven't actually seen or obtained any evidence yourself.
I would creat a FB/Snapchat/Instagram account for your daughter.
It's fairly inevitable that this other child will contact her and once you have your own evidence of bullying then you have a much better case for escalating.
In the meantime, definitely give the new school a heads up AND contact the girls parents. That may just be enough to stop it now if they are decent people.

^

i agree create a account but your in control of it not your daughter bait her for evidence