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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that my friend said this to my bf?

50 replies

malificent7 · 23/08/2016 07:40

And to be even more annoyed that she told him that behind my back?

Said friend is married but has had affairs in the past with guys who are attached whilst on a 'break' with her man.

I have broken off the friendship for various reasons, namely that she is needy an I don't quite trust her but we have always managed to re-establish contact.

Anyway, been with bf for ages. He's lovely and I couldn't be happier. He is also very open, friendly and will make friends with anyone. I'm more reserved but I love this openness about him.

One day bf and I bumped into said friend and went to pub for a drink. They got on really well but I felt uneasy and a bit 'invisible'. He acted as he normally does open and friendly but she totally ignored me and I was pissed off about this. I felt she was a bit too flirty for my liking.

Anyway, queue a few months down the line and she friend requests him on facebook. He has a lot of female friends and normally I have no problems at all. He is friends with other female mates of mine on fb no problems.
I decided to talk to her about the fact that I felt she was flirty with my man at the pub. Then HE received a message from her saying that she's sorry if we got the wrong impression of her intentions. She was also sorry that I was so jealous. She thinks we are great together and could we all meet up for a couples dinner.
However, she did also text him that she felt a connection with him due to their musical tastes and could he play the guitar for her band.

I am well aware that I am probably overreacting but aibu to think she shouldn't be telling my bloke that she has a connection with him and that she should have texted me first to build bridges and not me etc?
At the same time I feel guilty for being jealous as it's a horrid, detructive emotion. Or should I trust my uneasy gut instinct? He has blocked her etc.

OP posts:

DraeneiMage · 23/08/2016 08:26

She's being a dick but ugh @ "my man"

He's not property

Missgraeme · 23/08/2016 08:29

I would take the 'couples meals' to mean swinging party - sounds to me like she has got sights on your man!!

meddie · 23/08/2016 08:37

Nope, dump her. she's setting the ground work to make a move on him. The fact that she is contacting him rather than you to throw you in a bad light while she plays cool girl, would set my alarm bells ringing. Wouldnt trust her as far as I could throw her.

LifeInJeneral · 23/08/2016 08:44

She is trouble, I have been in these toxic friendships before and it never ever ends well. Keep her pushed out, even if she comes back playing nicey nicey again,all she is doing is playing, do not fall for it. You got her out of your life for a reason and she will keep treating you like crap, she doesn't care about you.

MsKite · 23/08/2016 08:46

Why did she throw a drink in your face?
I have to agree re 'my man' it sounds awful. People aren't possessions

ShebaShimmyShake · 23/08/2016 08:49

Why do so many women on here describe people as "friends" when they are anything but?

Goingtobeawesome · 23/08/2016 08:58

You both need to grow up. You are hung up on this connection word when really you should be asking yourself why you are giving brain space to someone who cheats, calls you a twat, is clearly trying to prove she could have your boyfriend if she wanted and is using him to get at you.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/08/2016 08:59

Trust your 'antennae' .

Most female antennae are pretty good at picking up the scent of trouble in the form of other predatory females. And it sounds to me as if she's trouble - one of those women who like to pinch or 'borrow' someone else's man, just to prove that they can do it.

emilybrontescorset · 23/08/2016 09:00

She is bad news.
Block her out of your life and tell your fb what you have done.
I would also make him aware of her form for shagging non single men.

dowhatnow · 23/08/2016 09:03

So she thinks you'd want to attend a couples dinner after having rude texts and being blocked. Right...
However I wouldn't have confronted her about being flirty. I'd have just backed off at that point. And talked to "my man" about her form and why we shouldn't have anything to do with her. The throwing the drink is enough. There seems to be too much drama on both sides.

I agree about the "my man" being horrible though.

buzibuzi · 23/08/2016 09:06

follow your gut on this one, id never text friends boyfriend...about our 'connection'

Italiangreyhound · 23/08/2016 09:06

Trust your gut. This is not normal friend behaviour.

MeridianB · 23/08/2016 09:08

Trust your instincts and walk away/block/ignore her.

She may not be seriously interested in him but she sounds like a cat who likes to play with small birds for fun, just to mess them up. It sounds like a power play to annoy you.

By inviting him to play in her band, she has instantly set up a scenario that does not include you.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 23/08/2016 09:19

She's trying to take the piss out of you and force your hand to make you look and act like a jealous harpy, all so she can swoop in and get her kicks from being admired by your bf. Cut her out of your life, block and ignore her forever - she's a shit stirrer.

Branleuse · 23/08/2016 09:21

she is trouble. Not even hiding it.

RainIsAGoodThing · 23/08/2016 09:28

She sounds awful and MrsDeVere has the measure of it - but 'my man'?!

TheViceOfReason · 23/08/2016 09:36

Why on earth do you want this person in your life? Seriously, life is too short for that kind of crap.

She's blocked you on FB and is clearly flirting with your other half - so why continue to engage with her?

JigglypuffsCaptor · 23/08/2016 09:50

I'd accept the "couples dinner request" arrange a date and time agree to meet her and her partner at the restaurant....and never turn up

But just keep her blocked, don't engage ever again. You could also just to cement it send one last message " you are a fucking cunt, leave me and (BF's name) alone, you sluttymcslutslut"

mydietstartsmonday · 23/08/2016 09:58

Trust your gut, this is not normal behaviour she is instigating contact with him.

However, I too have a real issue with "my man"......sorry it does come across as territorial and possessive.

Yep just ignore her, that would drive her mad.

justpeachy74 · 23/08/2016 10:24

Go with your gut OP. I think going NC is the way forward. There's no harm in avoiding unnecessary dramas. Your BF sounds lovely. Your 'friend' sounds like hard work.

justpeachy74 · 23/08/2016 10:26

I've just seen Jigglypuffs response

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 23/08/2016 10:30

Well, doesn't she sound like a peach

I've come across a lot of women like her, every last one of them described themselves as a 'man's woman' (another notorious red flag) who seemed to actively pursue attached men. Horrible.

She's done all the work by blocking you. No further intervention needed!

Thinkingblonde · 23/08/2016 10:33

The woman sounds like a scalp hunter, just interested in getting as many notches on her bedpost as she can. I wouldn't have any more contact with her. Your bloke sounds like a keeper. Trust him.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 23/08/2016 10:49

I feel a tiny bit sorry for her. How low does her self worth have to be to humiliate herself in such a way? I mean, getting another FB after you've been blocked to try it on?
You were too tolerant for too long OP, you've done the right thing.

I can't imagine she has any long term friends. Must be one of those women who flits from group to group, friendship wise.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 23/08/2016 10:54

Scalp hunter - exactly! She's probably not even interested in him, she just wants her trophy and the reassurance that she can woo a married/attached man away from his wife/partner.

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