AIBU to stay single rather than settle?

[user785]

I ended my last relationship because I realised how selfish and lazy my BF was. I'm getting on a bit and I think life is too short to waste it on someone who really isn't that into you.

My mum thinks I'm being unfair and I'm going to die alone and miserable and at least Mr Selfish was better than Mr Alkie.

AIBU to think it's better to be on your own than settle? I know as I get older I'm running out of choices, but honestly, when the choices are this shit, isn't it better to just reject them all?

Well at least half of all couples will die alone anyway surely, unless she means having a family but there's no guarantees there either.
Being single has a lot of advantages, I love it, been single for years and no desire for a serious romantic relationship. I will never understand women who 'settle'.

No, absolutely don't settle. You'll never be happy wondering if you'd have met someone better, or if you'd have been happier alone.

One of my friends is 35 and hasn't met the one yet. MIL asks about her often "hasn't she met anyone yet? She's leaving it so late? What was wrong with X?". Truth is, she's happier alone than she was with 'X' and doesn't believe in settling for second best. I have more respect for her for that than I can say.

I think there's a generational element to it, too; MIL is in a desperately unhappy relationship but remains in the relationship because she's terrified of being alone. My Mum has gone from man to man to man through her life and has never been alone. For my friends and the women we know being single isn't the shameful woe-is-me thing it seems to be for some. It's a choice you make because, frankly, you're worth more than John-who-pissed-the-bed-last-christmas.

John-who-pissed-the-bed-last-Christmas

crying with laughter emoji

YANBU. don't settle!

There was always going to be one idiot coming along with a pukeworthy 'heart warming' tale so let it be me.

I was with a guy for a long time, we didn't see much of each other, he smoked weed and I found out 3 years in he had a son he'd never seen or mentioned but he was a nice enough guy and we rubbed along ok and it was around the time all my friends were starting their families. It took me another year to make up my mind not to settle for him.

Spent 4 happy years single and dating a bit then one day started a new job and met DP, it was like being hit in the face with a love frying pan. He is amazing, to me he sparkles and better still he makes me sparkle. We're two twinkly idiots taking on the world and not just rubbing along. He's not perfect but he's perfect for me and we're getting married next year.

A hard decision but ultimately the best decsion I ever made was not to settle.

even if I hadn't met DP I was still happier on my own, there's a lot to be said for being able to live your life in the way that best pleases you.

Colonel - You said it all.

I think that a lot of people settle just to procreate...

Your Mum thinks you are being unfair?!?
Dont settle for second best. Its not worth it.

but honestly, when the choices are this shit, isn't it better to just reject them all?

This made me laugh, I couldn't of put it better myself
I'm 28 been single a year now was with ds1 dad for 10 years he was an alcoholic for the last five and a cheat, didn't treat me to well either them last years. When I finally broke up with him I met ds2 dad we were together a year and I fell pregnant with ds2 he left when I was 7 months pregnant with ds2. He did try to come back this was the 100th time he'd left or threatened too and usually I took him back, i think I was grateful he didn't drink and hit me like ds2 dad. This time however I just decided enough was enough and if rather be alone than unhappy. I've raised my boys myself and am happier now than ever. My mum thinks I'm getting to stuck in my ways for someone my age but i always think the same as you I'd rather be single when the choices are so shit lol

God no. You are not being unreasonable.

Live the kind of life alone that would need only someone extremely rare and special to make you want to change it.

That's how I live now (after learning the brutal way) don't worry about bring old and lonely, they'll be loads of us with crap pensions. We'll band together and start a gin club!

I agree with Mummymeister's nan. She sounds like a wise lady.

Mr Perfect does not exist, and neither, of course, does Miss Perfect. We all have to decide which of one another's quirks and foibles we can live with, and which are definite deal breakers.

If everything's a deal breaker, no deals get done.

Remind yourself that there's a big difference between lonely and alone.

YANBU

YADNBU

Never
Ever
Settle

Please

Thank you for all the support. I was a bit taken aback when my mum rained all over my parade - I haven't actually been single for that long, less than half a year. Having been in long term relationships all my adult life, I was quite proud of myself for getting comfortable being on my own rather than panicking about needing a partner. Apparently I shouldn't get comfortable.

When you look at my exes, I don't think it's fair to label me as picky or holding out for Mr Perfect - I just think I'm better off on my own than dating someone who loves the bottle (and/or himself) more than me.

I'd love to meet someone half-decent, but in the meantime, I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying being on my own... I have a fulfilling life and financial independence, if she wants grandkids, well, my brother's already given her some, surely that's enough!

I've been single for the last eight years. Five years ago I had DS by donor, so being single doesn't mean not having children if that is your choice. Whilst I wouldn't slam the door in his face if Mr Right came knocking, I'm not actively looking for a relationship. I've got enough on with work, study, DS, hobby, renovating my house. Trying to fit in dating just wouldn't work right now.

Some people really can't understand that you're happy on your own and don't need a man to be fulfilled. I own my own home, a holiday home, have a secure job, a wonderful son, and a hobby to keep me entertained. I don't need a man to "keep me", and I honestly don't think I want one. A friends with benefits that had their own home and hobbies but was happy to meet up for dinner, go see a show would be perfect for me.

Can I ask if those who have left relationships as they didn't want to settle, what were the things that you felt were too much of a compromise to be acceptable?

I'm 32 and in a long term relationship but been feeling a bit unsatisfied with my life and have been taking a look at all areas to make change, including relationship.

As OH is a good guy I'm finding it hard to determine if I'm just being unreasonable or expecting too much. As a brief list, here are some of our pros and cons:-

Pros - hardworking honest trustworthy and supportive. Thinks the world of me and is very respectful. Attractive and financially responsible.

Cons - different personality types (he's quiet and doesn't have large group of friends), lacking passion (sex life has never satisfied me), intellectually on different pages and so stimulating conversation is lacking

We respect eachother a lot and have supported eachother through a lot so I don't mean to disrespect him here. I'm just trying to be honest and get my head straight

I think settling is usually favoured by the older generation. My mum and grandma both said "Better a bad husband than no husband" when exh was clearly being abusive.

Unfortunately my grandma isn't here now to see what happened, but by me divorcing and then meeting and marrying Dh who is the most amazing husband I know of, I hope my mother accepts the error of her thinking!

I know lots of happy single people. The problem is, there's so much potential for unhappiness if you meet the wrong person. You are so right to be comfortable single. I would only give that up for someone incredibly worthy.