Child getting ill at nursery - WIBU?

[trebleclef101]

13mo DD goes to nursery one day a week. and it seems like every week she has a different illness - so far we have had various colds, a couple of basic viruses (fever, rash etc), impetigo, a most recently a stomach bug that bought down the whole family.

Now it might just be coincidence but the timings suggest that she is picking things up from other kids at nursery as she always gets ill a couple of days after her nursery day.

My DH is talking about taking her out of nursery as he is fed up with her getting ill (we do have alternative child care so this is a viable option). My opinion is that we will have to deal with this sooner or later while her immune system learns to deal with being around other children so we should just man up and power through, rather than delaying the inevitable.

WIBU?

My dn is 10 weeks younger than my ds, they both went to the same nursery rooms from around 8 months to 5 years. dn was off very regularly for days with various illnesses while ds never got more than the very occasional snotty nose, the usual chicken pox (it was the 4th time round the nursery before he caught it whereas dn got it first time) and a one off hospitalisation for RSV. They were at the same school and dn was off 3-4 times a year while again ds was only off a handful of times between P1-7.

There will be more exposure to illnesses in nursery but whether your dc catch them will depend on their own immune system development and/or how tactile they are with other children.

I think its mainly down to genes/luck but also party down to ds being ebf for a year and our house is not excessively clean so his immune system had a little bit extra kick start before nursery, (dn mum anti-bac'ed everything from toys to floors so she had little prior exposure to germs); also dn was lovely and cuddly as a toddler whereas ds was more standoffish so less likely to come into contact with everything.

My ds was ill the first 6 months, and so were we but since then he has hardly been ill so we got through it. I on the other hand wasn't subjected to kids when I was little, like in a nursery setting, and I was ill a lot from the age of 5-6!

Some parents insist on sending poorly children to nursery
They dose them up with calpol and don't say a word
They also fail to mention if their child has been sick

Or has diarrhoea saying" it's just teething"

My ds was ill quite a lot over the first 6 months of nursery at about the same age, but as pp have said it does seem a lot.

You should chat with the nursery about it before you make any decisions. They should be able to advise you on their hygiene regime and how they deal with 'dose and dump' parents (those who give a dose of calpol so they can go to work and wait to be called by the nursery to pick their dc up)

You will get a feel from the chat on how seriously they take that stuff and then you can make a better decision.

Our nursery have a sterilising regime for the toys and play equipment and a process for managing parents that flout the rules!!

I think its mainly down to genes/luck but also party down to ds being ebf for a year

It might be true for yours, but bottle fed children immune system just as strong as bf children! This has really nothing to do with anything.

I sympathise with you OP. There have been occasions where I have wanted to tear my hair out with the amount of illnesses my two have picked up at nursery. DD1 is now in pre-school at the same nursery and has only been ill twice in the two years since she has been in there. My DD2 is still in toddlers so still picks up everything, but it does get better I promise. I also echo what other posters have said in that I would much rather they build their immunity up at nursery rather than be ill all the time at school. Preserve with it.

DS1 at nursery from a baby constantly ill for first 12 months then no time off at all after that
DS2 at home rarely ill then started nursery school at 3yrs and constantly ill for 12 months the fine
Both BF everything else the same. It's just the wider exposure and has to happen sometime but is v frustrating at the time

Persevere not preserve - sorry!

My dd didn't go to nursery, she started preschool at just turned 3 and was off twice in the whole year. Once with a sickness bug and once because she was exhausted! We went to toddler groups etc but no childcare and it doesn't seem to have impacted her immune system.

My 2 year old started a year ago - was fine the first few months, since then it's been one thing after another. I've taken 3 days leave this year intended as leave - everything else has been emergency leave as he's been ill! And even then he had to be off for those 3 days as he got chicken pox!

Some children do tend to get more than others.
Dd1 hasn't had more than 2 weeks off school since starting preschool (and a week was chickenpox). She did have a couple of months at around a year where she seemed to get one thing after another-and she wasn't at nursery.
Dd2 gets migraines (which aren't catching obviously!) and very little other stuff.
Ds catches everything going, always had and still does.

Plus if you're accusing their hygiene as bad-I'll note that the tummy bug passed round your family.

It does get better, honestly! Both of mine were constantly picking up colds etc and then gradually they just didn't!

My DD was in nursery 2 days a week as a baby/toddler and was ill all the time like yours. Then I gave up work and even though she was still going to childcare 1 day a week the illnesses reduced right down. Then when she started reception we had the same thing - lots of illnesses. I think it's not so much the meeting other children/germs that does it as much as being run down due to tiredness.

'My son was ill on and off for the first year he was in childcare, that's what happens when they don't go full time.'
Why does going full time prevent illness?

I don't agree with the 'it builds immunity' way of thinking, I think it just appears that way as by the time they start school they're that much bigger with stronger immunity anyway and slightly less likely to be shoving absolutely everything into their mouths. Plus many things are 'one offs' anyway, nothing to build immunity against.

It might be the nursery has poor hygiene or it might be that your DS is prone to catching stuff. If you are happy with the alternative childcare I'd give that a go.

Don't think either of you are being unreasonable. But do children who have been to nursery from a young age and have endured illness after illness come through with a cast iron immune system by the time they're in reception? I don't think so.

I would use alternative childcare if she's getting sick that often. Can't be fun for her can it to be constantly sick.

I was only saying the other day to DH that the constant illness thing seems to have died down now with DS. When he started nursery it was a good 4-6 months of a constantly running nose, temperatures, little bugs, etc. He's been there 8 months now and is definitely out the other side of it. He's there 5 days a week so constantly exposed to stuff. You just had to push through it. What will your DH do when the same happens when school? Home school her in a bubble?

There are lots of reasons some children are more prone to getting certain illnesses than others, including the time of year they are born and whether they have allergies and their individual physiology.

As long as non nursery children were exposed to germs in the normal way of things in every day life (at a childminder's, from siblings and other family members, on the bus, at toddlers groups, at the germ soup that is soft play etc.) there really isn't any actual proof I am aware of that they as a group get ill more often once school age.

The immature immune system of treble 's 13 month old is taking a huge buffeting and she has already had things none of my kids have ever had (and one of mine is now secondary age) and more illnesses in two months than any of mine have had in any given year.

As treble has other available childcare I do wonder why people are so confident telling her to leave her child in a nursery where she is getting so ill, so often, at such a very young age.

By 3 her immune system will have had time to mature and fight the onslaught a bit better, and not putting her into a nursery buy using another childcare option doesn't mean she won't be exposed to any germs for the next 2 years!

www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/health/other-issues/recurring-toddler-illnesses/

Mine picked up loads of bugs during their first weeks at nursery. Which they kindly passed on to me.

It settled down and they rarely get ill these days. Very few days off school.

DD1 full time nursery from 3 months - lots of sniffles etc - actually more when she was a bit older - I think when they are in closer contact with other DCs - she got Chicken pox at around 9 month - then fine.
DD2 with me till preschool (at 2.5) - she picked up stuff from DD1 who was at school - but it escalated when she started preschool with one minor thing after another - she missed a bit of school in the first year - eg over a week with chicken pox.
Both of them have had more or less 100% attendance at school since - DD1 at 15 complains it isn't fair she is never ill and gets to miss school.
I think genetics does play a part but being in close proximity with other children just increases their exposure to a wider range of bugs -gives them more chance to build up resistance. It is going to happen at some stage - I do think the earlier the better.
Also surprised about what the doctor said about keeping them out of nursery as long as possible.
Long time since I read it and it is old research - it might have been further investigated now etc and disproved - but there was something about children in a former Eastern bloc country (think East Germany ) having a lower incidence of childhood leukaemia than their counterparts in the west. One possible reason put forward was the fact that under communism it was compulsory for children to go to nursery from a young age and that may have helped to develop immune systems.

Could it be that the child is exposed to more germs away from home ( ie in nursery) and as easily as germs are passed at nursery as they are around at home?

Stomach bug, point in case, easily passes from child to child as it is child to adult ( as pointed out in your post- you all got it)

The more people around the greater the risk of picking up germs. Does doing so make your immunity stronger? Debatable. But i'd rather get the measles Mumps and etc over as a child.

Jessbow all children are vaccinated against measles and mumps now :o

Its rubbish that if they go nursery they are less ill when they start school. You can't become immune to every strain of cold/flu in 6 months and you'll never be immune from norovirus! If that was the case adults wouldn't catch them.

My lot never went to nursery and have done just fine at school, they catch bugs because parents don't follow the 48 hour rule, not becausre they didn't attend nursery as a baby.

Nursery protecting babies from cancer - that's a new one.

They get it when thy start school too as different bugs to what they are immune to from nursery.
Some don't really start avoiding germs and bugs until about 6 years old.

My primary school aged children got ill each time they had to settle into a new school. I don't remember them excessively I'll at playscholl /morning nursery.