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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

am I nuts to do this

24 replies

mydshines · 19/08/2016 00:30

When I was growing up I was bullied at lot at school. No friends etc made to feel fat, useless, and ugly. My parents were fab to me and sorted protected me. Anway I was in.a relationship that has ended and tbh I was revelived. However I met this man a while ago. I never felt such a spark before ir was crazy he was older than me but he was really taken by me. Now nothing had happened between us expect the odd flirtation and cheeky kisses. But I cant get him out of my mind.
He was separated but newly he is a lot older than me.

I deleted his number and he is not on anyform on.social media. That was 6 months ago. But I do know he plays some sport on monday evening at 7 at night in a town. Im half thinking of going up there which means a short bus drive away. But looking dolled up on the pretense of just causally bumping into him. He is not my regular type of guy which is weird.as he on my mind a lot.

But I just want to see his reaction when he sees me and maybe refresh his memory. Its the only way I can get into contact with him. The downside is it. If this meeting take place it be front of his friends so I wouldn't approach him until he sees me and acknowledge me first. It's a meet off centre before they go on their hobby location
I genuinely don't know his current relationship status is either. Right now I dont want a full on relationship at the moment and im pretty certain he doesn't want to. But I feel I cant even think about meeting somone else until I do this. I had never had such sparks before am I nuts for considering this. I sound a stalker buts the only way I be able to meet up with him . He is a very private person.

OP posts:

PaulAnkaTheDog · 19/08/2016 00:33

How old are you op? And how old is the guy?

Original poster

mydshines · 19/08/2016 00:38

Im in my 20s he is in his 50s

OP posts:

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 19/08/2016 00:39

His age is irrelevant.

I would cautiously say go for it OP but I think it would really help if you could find out if he's in a relationship currently just to avoid heartache for all involved.

Original poster

mydshines · 19/08/2016 00:46

Thanks hunx I.do know that he is not on facebook or other social mediai have tried looking but couldn't find it. So annoying I know he is 20 plus year s but I was always attracted to older guys he had cheeky sense of humour.
We just connected .

OP posts:

PaulAnkaTheDog · 19/08/2016 00:49

His age is relevant given the OP's admission that she had a bad time growing up. The problems she had may have led to self esteem issues. Quite honestly I wouldn't feel comfortable telling a girl in her 20s to 'go for it' with a man in his fifties, based on a mild flirtation, especially when their self esteem is probably very low.

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 19/08/2016 00:55

Polite question but why not Paul? What is age? How do you know how old someone is except for by the way they look - boiled down, if age is a problem then you're saying that you should accept or reject someone based on how they look.

The OP is in her 20's - she's not a child and should be perfectly capable of judging character by now. His age shouldn't come into it any more than his height.

Original poster

mydshines · 19/08/2016 00:56

The reason I posted my back story as I had little self esteem and only been with one guy but that guy saw pass that he told me I was the prettiest girl he ever saw made me proud of my curves instead of my ex. We could talk about anything. I was genuinely.shocked that he was in his 50s . He looked at least 10 years younger. Anytime he talked to me I used to blush. And vice versa he was doing some work for my neighbours that is how we met

OP posts:

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 19/08/2016 00:57

*Perhaps you're saying that the man in his 50's is more likely to take advantage of her than a man in his 20's???

lordStrange · 19/08/2016 00:59

Why did you delete his number? And why hasn't he called you? What happened?

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 19/08/2016 01:03

He sounds very sweet OP :)

A girl I met at work many years ago got married at 24 to a man 27 years older amid much irritating objection. 20 years and 3 children later they're still together and very happy.

Lorelei76 · 19/08/2016 01:07

Newly separated? You want to check that first.
Also, sorry, but many people can spot someone with low self esteem and will target them for an affair.

BlueFolly · 19/08/2016 01:11

Hmmm, so if the Sparks were so great, and you've previously had opportunity to kiss, why have things not already developed further?

Original poster

mydshines · 19/08/2016 01:16

At that time I felt really guilty about the situation. And I was seriously tempted but I deleted it. But six months had passed. Obviously I dont want to make a fool of myself so that why I figured. I would casually bumped into him and wait for his response or a reaction. For all I know he could to this shared hobby with his.wife or ex wife

OP posts:

Original poster

mydshines · 19/08/2016 01:24

He was working in my neighbours house for 3 weeks they lived from the back of my house. And they're needed access to the alleyway plus the neighbour was not well so were looking out for their interests I.used to see him a bit and it developed a bit from there . We sorto tried but it was electric I had my time of the month .

OP posts:

Jizzomelette · 19/08/2016 01:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RubbishMantra · 19/08/2016 01:34

Like LordStrange points out, even though you you deleted his number, (unless you blocked him) he could have contacted you if he felt the same spark? What was the reason you deleted his number?

The phrase "newly separated" along with everything else makes me wonder if he was "newly separated" at all, and just wanted an ego boost from a young and pretty woman.

You shouldn't have to remind a potential partner of how awesome you are - they should realise that already.

Original poster

mydshines · 19/08/2016 02:14

Thats what I think too. Why didnt he not contacted me. I.went away for a for.a little holiday. Which is why I feel this is my last ditch atempt. Even just too see do I still have sparks for him I also never thought about I.shouldn't have to to "refresh his memory" but thanks.for your responses im truly grateful x

OP posts:

SoupSpork · 19/08/2016 02:35

He didn't contact you at all in the 6 months? If that's the case I wouldn't go to "bump" into him if he was interested he would of contacted and it just seems like opening old wounds so to speak, to go down to accidentally bump into him.

MUjunkie · 19/08/2016 02:37

Just go for it! Age is just a number! if it doesn't work so what!?! What have you got to lose!?! If you don't then you'll never get him out of your head. You'll always wonder what if! And if he's spent all that time thinking about you too then it could be the best thing you ever do! He sounds like a nice bloke, I very much doubt he'll think you're a stalker lol. Just do it!

MUjunkie · 19/08/2016 02:56

Hmmmm! Sorry o got distracted mid-way through my last post, finished it, posted, then read through last few comments! If he's known how to contact you in all that time and hasn't then be wary!

RosieSW · 19/08/2016 03:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lesley1980 · 19/08/2016 03:31

He knows how to contact you & he hasn't. I wouldn't.

BlueFolly · 19/08/2016 13:07

Thing is, if he's in his 50s he might well think that there's not way that someone in their 20s would be really into them and that he might look like a creepy old git if he got in touch. I'm pretty sure that is the advice he'd get off his mates. I don't see what harm bumping into him can do.

junebirthdaygirl · 19/08/2016 13:36

When you say ye sorta tried do you mean to have sex? I would be worried that a much older man wanted to have sex with you on a very casual meeting, hasn't contacted you since even though he knows where you live and said he was separated. He could be still married / back with his wife. He could have contacted you but chose not to. Please don't do this as you are opening yourself up for terrible hurt.

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