AIBU to want feed back 20 years later?

[MoonStar07]

I went to a State school. I'm a minority. Off my own back and as I was predicted 3 As at A-level I applied to an Oxford university college to do Law. I received no support from my school (it was a new thing to them and I don't think they knew how to support me. Neither did my parents). However somehow I got an interview I went to Oxford and interviewed. I was surrounded (literally every other person) was private or public school
Educated. They told me about their interview training and bless them couldn't belive I was sent with no support from my school. Anyway I duly failed at interview. Apparantly someone told me they knew someone who had got a place to do law when they stood up to the interviewer and said 'you're just going round in circles' so guess what I took on board that 'golden nugget' of advice and did just that. Anyway I didn't get in. Nevertheless my school never gave me my feedback they said it was confidential to them and sometimes j have to accept you just come
Silver! I have always wanted to know my feedback just for closure. I still feel so bad about my interview and wish there was something I could have said. I did get into a redbrick and read Law. All these a-level stories are making it all come back. I think it traumatised me. How do I get closure. AIBU to contact the college who interviewed me and see if they have my info on file almost 20 years on? Unlikely right?!

I went to Oxford (from a state school, not that it should matter) and absolutely hated every second. I'd transferred to a red brick provincial uni within a year where I had a blast.

At Oxford the libraries were all open til 2 or 3 am, some 24 hours, and yes the students really did stay there that late. Maybe a cheeky half pint at 11 (twas in the days of bars shutting at 11) then back to the library. Every fucking night. I had to do 2-3 essays a week - most non oxbridge students wouldn't do that much in a term in the first year.

I never regretted leaving Oxford, only going in the first place. And I can't say it's harmed my career choices at all.

So consider that you may have dodged a bullet.

I'm completely different. Lack of self esteem etc confidence. It was all such a big deal!! Even travelling very far to Oxford. staying over at the college. I was asked to stay another day in case some other college wanted to interview me. They didn't

DH failed to get into Cambridge over 30 years ago. He failed the interview. Probably wasn't the type - didn't do music or the County orchestra or anything like that - worked at a petrol station - his Dad was a fork-lift truck driver.

Anyway, their loss was my gain . He got the best degree in the year at the uni we went to.

It's the age old 'what if ' that the majority of us carry around OP and at times in our life when we are not feeling 100% they rise to the surface to taunt us . It can actually go either way though , a relative of mine failed an interview that would have put her in the twin towers on the day of 9/11 .

Yes you should have got more support from your school and possibly if you had been public school educated you would have passed the interview , but even people coached within an inch of their lives fluff things at the crucial moment .

I really hope you find the ability to put this to rest , although I can understand why it is difficult

Are you a lawyer now, OP? If so, why would you care about what happened at an interview 20 years ago?

Btw, I'd never heard of these terms "red brick", "Russell Group" universities until I joined Mumsnet.

I'm so pleased I posted just for perspective purposes. It all seems so much less of a muddle. Don't know why it affected me the way it did or has

If it makes you feel any better, I also applied to an Oxford college to do law, with very little support from my school and almost no input from my teachers on whether that was a good subject for me to study. I also got an interview and didn't get in. However, I went to private school throughout, got excellent grades, had family who had attended and obviously just didn't do well enough on the day, but still felt like a failure. My tutor later said I should have applied for English, I would have walked in (not sure that's true, actually!), but in the end, I read something completely different at a Russell Group university and had a career in something I never dreamt of doing at the age of 18. Do I sometimes think what if? Yes, but life is too short to still be hurting about it, and it sounds as though you are doing really well, so I wouldn't worry about it any more!

I don't know why they'd think a teacher would go with you. I know several people who've interviewed at Oxbridge unis and none of them went with a teacher. One went with their Dad, two went on the train alone and one went with a friend. 17-18 year olds, who will be living alone shortly afterwards, should be able to go to interview without school support.

I went to a private school, but wasn't prepped for my Oxford interview. Other people at my school were, whereas I was chastised for putting the interview above writing my CU report (I ran the school Christian Union at the time).

Like a PP said, I went to the interview alone on the train; having 2 interviews the same day, one at the college of my choosing, and another at a college of theirs. I got through the interview and got a place; most people from my school didn't, even though they'd been coached. At the risk of outing myself, one girl complained that they 'tricked' her during the interview because she couldn't open the door to leave, which was why she didn't get passed the interview, but it was ok as she never really wanted to go their anyway... She went to a different university, and then back to Oxford for her PhD. She's now a Fellow there, lol.

I didn't mention taking a teacher? Did I? No one went with a teacher most people's parents dropped them off. I took a coach took 8 hours lol

I have a few similar turning point moments in my life that I look back on and wonder "what if" and try to unpick the feeling that I let myself down at the time.

The conclusion I've come to is that everything I've done has contributed to who I am now. So since I quite like who I am now and I like my life now, imperfections and missteps and all, I have decided that my past is what it is and I don't regret it. If I changed it then I wouldn't be who I am now.

Very wise sentia you are very right

I truly don't intend to be rude here, and I'm preparing myself to be shot down, but is this a troll thread?

The details you've posted about your interview are fairly intricate and believable, and I can completely understand your desire for feedback. I also understand that just asking whether it would be unreasonable to contact the college doesn't mean you actually intend to.

However, if you studied law at university, and were invited to an interview at Oxford, you would need to have very good reading and writing skills, and in general have excelled at subjects like English in school.

Your posts on this thread and others indicate that your writing style isn't great: little punctuation, poor paragraphs and sentence structure, and on one thread you commented on, you were unsure of the definition of the word "testimony". Your initial post was quite hard to read.

Of course, this is only Mumsnet so it really doesn't matter what you type, and I'm more than aware that my own literacy skills are FAR from perfect, but I wouldn't expect somebody who studied law to write like this.

I know you've mentioned you're a minority, but looking at some of your other posts, I'm beginning to doubt you are who you say you are, MoonStar.

Of course, I'm probably wrong and if I am will rightfully be attacked on here for suggesting you're a troll. I mean no disrespect if you are real.

Do you have children?

Because - for me - one of the most amazingly wonderful things about having children is that I no longer regret a single second of my life up to mid Sept 2012 (when I conceived my youngest).The teeniest tiniest change - even something ridiculous like not losing the rather pretty (but cheap) bracelet that I loved age 16 - could be enough to change things by one egg or one sperm and mean that my children do not exist. And that is unthinkable.

I would doubt extremely that they'd have had a record of your feedback a year down the line let alone 20 years.

I also would be astounded if every other person was public/private school educated.
It may be you have a vocal minority who were, but really even those that are very public school like Christ Church have a good proportion who are state school.
And having talked at interview with others, many had had no preparation for the interviews other than being told to read a book about the subject-that seemed to be a common suggestion.

I suspect the going round in circles and getting in is probably as much of a myth as the thrown rugby ball for Keble College (if you catch it, you're in).

It could be that they sighed and rejected you on that remark simply because they recognised it as a myth and didn't want to perpetuate it.

However the chances are much higher that you simply had others who were better on the day. Back 20 years ago it was much more about who else applied to your college. In my year there were 30 applicants for 2 spaces in one subject. The following year there were 12 for 4. You could have been pretty good in the 30 applicants but still not got in.

The feedback might be good-I never saw mine, although I was told what position I came in the exam, which was in it.
However for some stupid reason they did show one lad his. He knew he wouldn't get in. He thought he wouldn't get an interview, so was really bucked when he did. His feedback said something along the lines of "There was such a difference between his exam and the school report you sent that we thought there had to have been an issue on the exam day for his performance to have fallen so badly. There clearly wasn't."
Poor lad was devastated and I never saw what their point in showing him was. I'm not sure anyone else saw it and he was the last person who needed a knock in confidence.

So seeing the feedback may not be helpful to you. It could make you feel worse.

Oxbridge doesn't suit everyone. The courses are designed often more for going into academia rather than the real world. Some people love it, others hate it. The important thing is that you enjoyed where you went and got a lot out of it. Maybe you'd have got more out of Oxbridge-but you might have got a lot less.

I think you have to let go of that interview.... I don't think (as others have said) you'll ever find out enough detail to get the closure you desire.

I've got a friend who used to work in Admissions for an Oxford college, and most people don't get in, and they ALL think their lives are over. They aren't!

However, there's loads of further ed offered at Oxford colleges. Whatever you do now, however your life has turned out, why don't you apply for something post-doc, senior-grad-y? You might fail again. You might get in. What's ahead of you is more important than whether you sold yourself to the best of your ability, or people around you let you down all 20 years ago!

Thanks tigermoll it was horrible at the time, because as a high
-achieving person up to then I felt like the biggest failure and everything I'd been led to believe I 'deserved' I was apparently not good enough for, at all.

Lol no I'm not a troll! Yes I read law at a Redbrick/Russell Group! Granted English is my second language! I went onto become a paralegal turning down a training contract at a provincial law firm as I wanted to work in a large city. In the end I found myself in a sales role making really good money and just carried on to a high level. Now I'm a stay at home mum. A very tired SAHM! Apologies if my English doesn't come up to standard! I certainly achieved well at School, University and my LPC. I guess it was the one time I did really fail and maybe that's why I can't let go. But if I am to be labelled a troll then let it be. A bit harsh when people come for advice to be knocked down like that. Thank you to eveyone who has genuinely contributed.

I can't believe that post about your literacy, what an arsehole.

I know I don't write the best on mumsnet. Sometimes you're rushing!! Of course I know what testimony means but I wasn't sure in that thread if I was using it in the correct context. As in testimony or testament. Nevertheless these things happen we're online and people don't know us. No offence taken! I have children. Two beautiful little people. My life is so much more than then. I guess that's why I need to understand why it still impacts me in the way it does. I do belive the best candidates 'won'. I remember back then thinking if this is my competition they're out of this world!! Going into the interviews for training contracts I felt the same thing! This probably stems back to self-esteem confidence issues.

I got rejected from Cambridge. They were right. I applied for English as I was good at it but I wasn't passionate. I only found my passion later that year, withdrew from the whole process, and applied to uni again the following year to read the subject I actually wanted. My Mum was keen for me to reapply to Oxbridge but I didn't want to go there. It was only ever for boasting power, and the course in my chosen subject wasn't one of the better ones. My 2 siblings went to Oxbridge but my life and career has been just as successful as theirs. I am totally over it. If I HAD got a place, I'm not sure I'd have had the strength to withdraw and then my whole life would be different (my degree subject is essential to my current job).

MoonStar, I wonder if you're a little like me? I'm a similar age & I always had big career/life dreams. My career took a massive hit due to health problems in my twenties. Since having children I've switched direction completely to something that makes me happy and fits well round my children but is not a 'career'. Sometimes I see jobs and think 'that's what I imagined myself doing'. It's the road not travelled and I guess although there are plenty of opportunities ahead of me I'm never going to be young & commitment free again so some choices have gone. But whatever I'd done that would be the case now.

Oh and I'm frequently amazed at how badly I can come across in writing after a bad nights sleep. I've completely given up on there, their and they're

I'm pleased I didn't apply for English! I guess it's one of those things. Littletabby I think we are! I'm now trying to think of what to do around the kids and schooling. Not the career in law or banking I envisaged!! PS I interviewed at a couple of investment banks too and now that's a completely different world. Even then candidates often spoke up to 4 languages often educated in the US or Far East well travelled just another group of people that I at the time just couldn't compete with! Further education might be a possibility. However I've got tonnes of sales training so I may as well use that to make money! I think as it was A-Level day I was reminiscing!