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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

House Swap Etiquette

40 replies

goodygoodymummy · 17/08/2016 20:47

Ok, I will try to keep it brief. We have swapped houses with a family in a different country for a holiday. The family asked if I minded if they arranged for their cleaner to clean their house after we left, if I could arrange the same for our house. I said yes, but was informed earlier in the week by the cleaner that I had in mind that she couldn't actually clean our house before we get home as planned. I emailed the family in our house and said, really sorry but this has happened, would you mind awfully reverting to original plan and we both clean each other's houses before we leave. I assumed that this would be fine!

I left our house immaculate and cleaned for a week to make sure it was to hotel standard with crisp white bedtime and white fluffy towels etc. We left chocolates and wine for them. Our house is also in a really nice area of London and quite large.

Their house is half the size, tatty around the edges etc etc. They said no. They want to tidy around but each to clean our own houses (they have their cleaner arranged to clean theirs and it is half the size of ours!) I am livid and it has completely ruined the holiday. They definitely got a far better deal on the swap than us and I just feel cross that they couldn't at least clean before they leave. I emailed back asking them to at least clean the bathrooms/showers as I don't want to get home to deal with their dirt. Am I being unreasonable or are they? I guess this is the problem with swapping your house..... :-(

OP posts:

Coconutty · 17/08/2016 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 18/08/2016 01:26

what is the appeal of house swapping for a holiday apart from it being cheaper ??

For me, the facts that you get to stay in a community rather than some holiday let, and that it involves an entire, fully equipped home. The neighbours/swapper's family are usually great too, and a massive help with local things you might otherwise never know about

It's done on trust of course and wouldn't be for everyone, but for those it suits (and I've done nearly 60) it's just brilliant

And speaking of trust OP, personally I'd have been appalled that they didn't bother to clean up properly. Cleaner or not, nothing would persuade me to leave without making sure everything was right

littleprincesssara · 18/08/2016 01:59

What on earth were they doing that the windows went from immaculate to so dirty you can barely see through them in the space of one holiday? Ritually sacrificing goats? Sploshing? I haven't cleaned my windows in a year and they basically look the same.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 18/08/2016 02:19

I think the dirty windows were in the other house when they arrived, not the state of the OPs house when they returned.

AaronBleurgh · 18/08/2016 02:21

I actually can't think of anything worse than having a random family staying in my home just so I could have a cheaper holiday abroad, when there a million and one sites (VRBO, AirBNB, etc) that offer you the same "in the midst of it" without the hassle.

What do you do with your personal items? Do you have a safe for all your financial stuff and jewelry that you're not taking on holiday? Do you have to clean out your knicker drawer?! And most importantly, what if they clear out your wine collection?!!!!

EttaJ · 18/08/2016 02:22

YABU.As if they got your windows that dirty. Why would you choose a house so "small and tatty" if your house is SO much better. I smell a rodent.

isanyusernamenotinuse · 18/08/2016 04:28

The op doesn't mean her own windows. It sounds like she means the bedding and windows of the place she went to. It sounds like it wasn't in good condition when she got there.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 18/08/2016 04:39

It's a good point about the personal items, Aaron. I still put any really sensitive stuff away (not that I have much like that!), but I no longer "hide" things like bank statements, etc. I guess visitors could find them if they wanted to, but IME they just don't, and anyway human nature tends to make folk even more careful in someone else's home than their own

After all, never forget that just as they're in your home, you're in theirs ...

KERALA1 · 18/08/2016 05:27

It's not for everyone - many of our friends are horrified! On our 14th swap and has enabled us to do lots more travelling than we would otherwise. It's a mindset though if you are extremely private and risk averse would not work. Like puzzled we love it - though addicted now!

BoomBoomsCousin · 18/08/2016 06:05

I agree with the general consensus that if the arrangement was to not clean at the end and the owner arrange a cleaner then YABU to spect them to change.

But if I turned up to house that hadn't been cleaned when I'd made sure mine had been, I'd be annoyed too. And a bit resentful that they were going to get a clean holiday house and then a clean own house, while I was left with a grotty holiday house and then a grotty own house when I returned. They will be forking out for the cleaner though and you won't, so they're more out of pocket than you are

Puzzledandpissedoff · 18/08/2016 06:09

I think you're absolutely right about the mindset, Kerala - you're either comfortable with the idea or you're not, and as I said it's certainly not for everyone. As a professional worrier I'm actually quite surprised to find myself addicted, but I asked myself what was the worst which could happen, realized "the worst" was vanishingly unlikely and have never looked back

Another point - especially on a parenting site like this - is that it can be brilliant for a family with kids to swap with someone similar in terms of the amount of stuff you have to lug along. Yet another potential win-win all round!!

rookiemere · 18/08/2016 08:04

We did a few houseswaps in the past through the NCT website and gave up after a couple of bad experiences.

In one case, just as we were leaving to go to the airport, the family rung to stay that their 18+ DS would remain in the property for the first two days as he had miscalculated his Waitrose shifts - but it would be of no inconvenience to us whatsoever. Except it was as it stopped us relaxing and made us feel that we had to tidy up straight after everything to maintain his families high standards. Same family were all still in our house when we arrived back and we ended up giving them a lift to the airport just to get rid of them.

Last time we swopped the family hadn't cleared up at all - it looked as if they had evacuated their home in a hurry. There were prepared desserts that I had to throw out during the week as they went mouldy, and they hadn't left enough cat litter for their animals so I had to buy some to replace it. As the house was dusty and covered in cat hair when we arrived, I did zero cleaning when we left. Oh and they left my oven - which I'd thoroughly scrubbed before we left - in a right old state, theirs was vile when I tried to cook something, so I don't know why I was surprised.

In your case YABU. You had an arrangement on both sides for cleaners to be brought in to clean the houses. As your cleaner has fallen through and you haven't tried to find another one, you want them to do it themselves even though they are paying for one for their house already.

JohnLithgowsLargeForehead · 18/08/2016 08:12

For posters wondering how you can trust strangers to not trash the house- the type of people who use it aren't really like that, they're trusting you too. The people who offer it usually have a nice house so they wouldn't want theirs mistreated either. Also you get reviewed at the end.. and usually there is a fee to join up.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 18/08/2016 15:12

You're right about the joining fees, JohnLithgow - though you do find some free ones too

Personally I now avoid them, after trying one and finding it full of flaky people whose priority really was the saving in money - there's something to be said for a fee in terms of the commitment it suggests

KERALA1 · 19/08/2016 02:25

Definitely use one with a decent joining fee weeds out oddballs. We use homelink as others too many Brits. It's not for everyone - but we have a decent house in a tourist area, so have had some brilliant swaps. Our only bad experience was a weird Italian family who got terribly upset because we had carpets.

In the main our swapees are "nice" middle class families, teachers, doctors, barristers. Tbh rather have a family of doctors with young children enjoying our house than leave it empty for 2 weeks.

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