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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel incredibly guilty and evil for brushing my child's teeth?

51 replies

missuspritch · 17/08/2016 19:44

So I'm not 100% up on all the acronyms you all use on here so please bare with me...

My daughter is 13months she has 7 teeth, I brush them twice a day as you do, but to be honest it's becoming quite a task, I have to pin her, her arms and legs down to brush her teeth, with her kicking and screaming and totally freaking out about it, and half the time I end up brushing her tounge that she pokes in the way. Basically i feel like it's quite a traumatic (overkill?) experience for her because of how upset she is getting? I literally hate doing it and feel guilty and awful afterwards while she hyperventilates trying to calm down.

Please forgive me she is my 1st and only child...

Even if you think I'm being silly, any advice or tips on how to brush her teeth in a more peaceful way would be great xx

OP posts:
BengalCatMum · 17/08/2016 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 17/08/2016 20:10

My son screamed and fought like his life was in danger when I used to brush his teeth. I used to find myself singing "This is the way we brush our teeth" at the top of my lungs, just so the neighbours knew that's all that was happening - no one was being tortured, just teeth brushing. Then, miraculously, about 2 months ago I said "Time for teeth" and he just opened his mouth and say there while I brushed them. No idea why, I just keep praising him about what a good boy he is and how beautiful his teeth look - and pray that it lasts.

She'll get used to it in time, unfortunately it's one of those non negotiable things we have to do as parents. Flowers and Wine to help see you through.

DixieWishbone · 17/08/2016 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Slippersandacuppa · 17/08/2016 20:22

I do stupid singing and faces every time mine opened his mouth. He more or less tolerates it now. I've felt guilty with all four of mine but have persevered. Feel a little less guilty now most of them are on regular dentist visits and can leave with a 'well done' and a sticker!

RubbleBubble00 · 17/08/2016 20:27

Loads of toothbrush songs on you tube - very good distraction. I used to give dc their brush while I brushed mine. They chewed on it and then distract with you tube song and brush with second tooth brush

ohtheholidays · 17/08/2016 20:30

Try making a game out of it,that's what I did with all 5 of our DC when they went through that stage.

With our youngest she has a French toothbrush that does inspections for his friend the tooth fairy Grin our DD's 8 now and autistic.

What ever accent I can come up with or funny voice,any daft story.With all of them once I made it funny there was no more tears or them fighting having they're teeth done.

OhMyWord16 · 17/08/2016 20:53

Firstly I don't think it's a particularly big deal till they're over 18 months/heading into 2. It's not as if their new teeth are going to fall out overnight
As a paediatric dentist, I would emphatically disagree with the above opinion.
It is absolutely a big deal for under 2s (or any young child) to have grossly decayed and abscessed teeth extracted under General Anaesthetic. Hugely upsetting for the child, the parents and the staff involved.
Sure, toddler tooth-brushing can be very challenging; but it's non-negotiable as others have said.

StrongTeaHotShower · 17/08/2016 20:55

I hate doing dds teeth but it's slowly getting easier. I've had to roll her up like a sausage in her towel just to get them done before. It's that or pain at the dentist later on.

ipswichwitch · 17/08/2016 21:00

With DS1 distraction and games worked a treat, and now at 4 he brushes his own teeth without any problem (I do tend to give them a going over too, to be sure he hasn't missed anything). DS2 gets the wrapped in a towel and pinned down method if he won't play ball - which is most nights at the moment. We have tried it all with him, but when he's having none of it pinning down is the only way.

MillieMoodle · 17/08/2016 21:12

I used to let DS brush my teeth for me while I brushed his. As he was concentrating he'd keep his mouth open long enough. He's 5 now and good as gold doing it, it's just part of the routine. We got a little egg timer from the dentist which helped as well, he liked to hold it while I brushed so he could see that when the timer ran out, teeth brushing would stop.

auntybookworm · 17/08/2016 21:17

My eldest daughter has always hated having her teeth brushed. She clamps her mouth shut and will not tolerate a brush. I would have to put a headlock on her and hold her nose closed to get her to open her mouth. I will not do this to her, I am pleased if I get a toothbrush in her mouth twice a day.

The following have all helped, singing, letting her brush my teeth, using a mirror to see her teeth, brushing Dolly's teeth, telling her she can have her dummy (only used in bed) after brushing teeth (not my favourite but it works) and the aqua fresh app - the character only dances if she brushes.

There is also a wonderful brush I have brought from Amazon which I give to her after we have tried to use a regular brush. I will try to add a link. We also have this and a regular tooth brush with her toys so she can use at other points of the day.
www.amazon.co.uk/Brush-Baby-BRB001-Chewable-Toothbrush-Clear/dp/B00344IMVI/ref=sr_1_3?s=baby&ie=UTF8&qid=1471464941&sr=1-3&keywords=baby+toothbrush

Original poster
missuspritch · 17/08/2016 21:21

I'm going to keep going because I really don't think not brushing them is an option, but there are ways to create good associations with teeth brushing even if they don't like it, also I worry that if I give in to her she will learn that kicking and screaming will get her own way and that is not an option!!

Her diet is really good too but lots of fruit and dried fruit, (no sweets or juice) luckily she doesn't have any back teeth yet I dread to think how hard it is to brush those when they clamp their mouths shut !! Thank you every one for your ideas! Xx

OP posts:
roseteapot101 · 17/08/2016 21:25

i just turned it into a game

my daughter loved being tickled

so i would tickle her

say tickle tickle

quickly in between tickling her i would tickle the inside of her mouth with the brush say tickle tickle

laugh smile

then tickle again on say her tummy tickle tickle

eventually over time i got her used to having more of her teeth brushed and it was all very funny

scrumptiouscrumpets · 17/08/2016 21:29

My DS was the same. Brushing his teeth was a daily battle and we both hated it, then I decided to let him watch YouTube videos while I brushed his teeth. We never let him watch anything normally so it's a huge treat for him. He now squeals with delight as soon as I say it's time to brush your teeth! Perhaps it might work with your little one?

cosmicglittergirl · 17/08/2016 21:29

I think the pinning down and getting it done is a necessary evil. Both of mine went through a phase of simply refusing to let me do it regardless of how many songs, games etc I did. Eventually they let me do it and it was fine. One thing that worked quite well was giving them a brush to suck whilst I brushed around it.

Knockmesideways · 17/08/2016 21:34

It was really important to get to grips with DS's tooth brushing as soon as his teeth came through as he has a heart condition and teeth/gum infections have to be kept to a minimum. Bacteria in the mouth can cause endocarditis which is a heart infection.

So we used to sit him on our laps, sideways on, have a cuddle and brush at the same time. Then we'd let him brush our teeth so he'd learn how much pressure to put on the brush - so we'd say 'a bit more gentle' or 'don't forget the back bit'.

He's nine and a half now, no fillings and just been to the dentist last week where he was told his brushing is excellent.

0nTheEdge · 17/08/2016 21:36

I used to let my daughter brush my teeth whist I brushed hers when she was being difficult. Worked for me! I did consider one of those little tooth brushes that you fit on the end of your finger, so it's like you're brushing their teeth with your finger rather than a potentially scary toothbrush. Never got round to trying and I guess you'd need to be careful incase they bite you!

villainousbroodmare · 17/08/2016 21:39

We produce a toothbrush twice a day while DS, aged 1, is still in the high chair and let him dab happily at his teeth. Then I use a damp napkin to quickly wipe his teeth, which he dislikes. I think it's less likely to hurt him if he struggles, faster, and keeps the toothbrush as a fun, positive thing.

nutbrownhare15 · 17/08/2016 21:42

I had this when my daughter's teeth started coming through. She screamed and got very upset. Then I tried tickling. It worked a treat. She giggles and opens her mouth, I put the toothbrush in and brush as quickly as I can. She clamps her mouth shut, I tickle again... It takes a few minutes but makes it fun rather than an ordeal. I've been doing it for about 4 months now (she's 12.5 months) and these days sometimes she'll let me brush them without tickling her, I guess she's getting used to it. I also give her her own be it to hold as a distraction.

nutbrownhare15 · 17/08/2016 21:43

It's also much easier if there are 2 parents, one to tickle, one to brush.

Muskateersmummy · 17/08/2016 21:45

We also do a game of who can say ahhhhhhh the loudest. That really works a treat to get her to open up nice and wide! Once they are at sticker chart and rewards age that's very helpful too.

littleducks · 17/08/2016 21:49

It's tough.

Had to hold my 8 year old for teeth extractions which was far worse Sad

Hendrytastic · 17/08/2016 21:59

My DS loves getting his teeth brushed, I've always sat on the loo seat with him on my lap and head in the crook of my left arm. He gets a tiny dab of toothpaste on his finger to lick because he says its "nummy" and he gets to 'help mummy' by holding the tube of toothpaste, which is a lovely squishy feeling, then I ask him to lean back, look at the sky (bathroom ceiling, we don't live outdoors!) and say aaah. Of course he has his moments, he bites down on the brush so I can't move it, but I try to give each section about ten seconds of brushing. As other posters have said, play who can say aaaaah the longest, and make funny faces to make them laugh. Laughing is the easiest way to get their bottom front teeth, I really struggled to get those ones, his tongue would get in the way. Some nights are better than others, you can't win them all, but you know when you've done them all really well. Good luck OP hope you manage to take some tips from everyone's suggestions and find an easier way, you will get there.

Rachcakes · 17/08/2016 22:03

Yep, it's traumatic. Not as traumatic as having teeth pulled out by the dentist though. Tough love and all that.

I've been told that Aquafresh have an app for tooth brushing. Mine are a bit old for it but friends with younger kids seem to like it.

headinhands · 17/08/2016 22:17

Gosh, remember the stress of brushing LO's teeth. I worked out that making them laugh have me enough time to get in and brush. I had a puppet and would also enlist DP to clown about.