Posters who misunderstand and then spend the rest of the thread vilifying you for something you haven't said!

[GingerbreadMouse]

AIBU to think that people should just read a little more carefully? I've name changed but I have been ripped to shreds on another thread recently (and in the past, actually) by certain posters who have misunderstood a point, misread something, misinterpreted an argument and then just run away with their perceived idea of what's been said, as opposed to what actually has! It's infuriating and adds nothing to the initial OP. I can't tell if there are particularly goady posters/trolls who delight in doing this or if it's people replying quickly without really reading or a mixture of the two. Also - is it just me that this happens to?!

What have I missed?? I hate the summer holidays, I miss all the good stuff. Hope it didn't have anything to so with trolleys or Gregg's if it got serious.

Hi all,

Thanks for this thread and the reports about it.

Please do report if you think someone is being deliberately inflammatory and we'll take a look. Sometimes, we may not take action the first time someone is reported but reporting helps us to build up a picture of the poster and if they do it again, it's easier for us to see that they have form.

Queenbean

I think part of the problem is that some posters have such an agenda that they will jump at any chance to push it on perfectly innocent and reasonable threads. And there are others that just want to argue and derail all. the. time.

It's tedious.

It could be a thread about a lot of threads on MN. Some people seem to look for offence where none exists.

Yanbu Gingerbread. It's happened to me and others that I've seen. I also think a thread can twist and turn as people follow a certain line, or quite an eloquent poster. Good if you are getting support, but otherwise it is like a vipers nest!

Nooooo, now I will never know. Curse you MNHQ and your efficient ways.

Misunderstandings are going to happen. All you can do is explain what you actually meant.

I do think that often people post without thinking things through properly though, then when they realise how their post has come across, rather than just admit that they were wrong, they complain that their words are being twisted.

Obviously there are also times when replies are a bit mad - well if you said that then you must mean this. Most of the time I think people get corrected by others when they do that.

Oh blimey! This wasn't meant to go like this! I was just wondering, after my own experience with another vicious poster last week (who had some posts deleted by HQ) a) why it happened and b) I guess how we can stop non-genuine/goady posters responding. In my own case, it really did feel as though I was being bullied - literally everything I said was jumped on by another poster, I've no idea why, and other posters were in agreement with me! I was called names, had nasty comments made about my children, and all because someone hadn't read my comments correctly. It's just such a shame when this happens and sort of detracts from the supportive place the site should be (though maybe I should also have known better and used Chat and not AIBU for this).

Probably usual. I hope so! I only namechanged as like I said above, I felt bullied. I've only namechanged a handful of times during the years I've been on here, but this one poster just seemed a bit too personal.

Sounds like MNHQ dealt with it well.

With so many members, it's going to be impossible to prevent completely.

Ginger I have asked myself too whether AIBU is a supportive place and it can be. There are lots of genuinely thoughtful people who will try and help you out, or tell you you are BU in a constructive way. But there are those that just want to be rude and goady and bully,or as you say, misunderstand because they can't be bothered to follow developments. You will get it all. If the rude ones upset you, prob best to post on chat.

You were most likely being bullied Ginger, so don't frigging apologise!

Its common on MN, so I usually only go on for a couple of weeks, get fed up with the crap, and so move onto other happier things in my life .

These people are (1) honestly thick or (2) really nasty and come on here to get their kicks by bullying - clearly there are a surprising number of very angry women who get their kicks in this way .

There is also a herd mentality thing which I always think is weird. Poster A says something fairly unpleasant and accusatory, and then you have two pages of different posters basically agreeing with this weird and unpleasant viewpoint. By page 3 someone has summoned up the guts or intelligence to say something actually independent and clued-up. By then the OP has had to endure two pages of insults. People on MN often joke about the Daily Mail, but honestly I see much more stupid and unpleasant comments on Mumsnet.

Personally, I have had some truly hateful threads directed at me, which showed the base ignorance of so many people, looking back. At the time it was just shockingly hurtful. I remember, with gratitude, one or two people stood up for me and one or two even PM'd me because they were so horrified at the dreadful posts addressed to me. Needless to say MNHQ did nothing and just replied with a basic "sorry you feel like this, but it might help other people to see your problem". So no respect for them either.

I think people often put MN on a pedestal. Its true it is sometimes funny, sharp and bang-on. There are some excellent posts and posters truly, I am often full of admiration. But really, there are a surprising number of smug, thick, unpleasant people who come on here and post dumb or nasty things and like OP says never bother to read anything. They also like to congregate around one thick opinion based on total misunderstanding, but are equally capable of making up a new one .

I'll leave it there ...

Ha, well there you go. I saw mn had posted and just presumed they said, we're going to delete this thread as it's a TAAT.

Is there any chance this particular poster who derailed your thread with poor comprehension and misinformation had a toddler who had just whipped off a nappy while another dc chanted "Do a poo" in encouragement? I found that erodes reading comprehension significantly.

What you describe is definitely a thing, OP. I've noticed on some threads posters ascribe characteristics to an OP, based on assumed details that just aren't there. It must be hard for an OP when posters appear to be judging a person that isn't them/something that they haven't done/motivations that they didn't have.

Kondos - no!! I didn't even know there was a thread about that. Mine was a much more boring thread really.

Pop - thank you. I almost didn't post this and then I thought, why shouldn't I? That's exactly what bullies want, isn't it? That no one stands up to them. Apologies if this is a TAAT - it was meant more about a certain kind of behaviour I've both seen and experienced. Nothing more than that!

What I see quite often is someone coming on worried about something 'minor' like a do and school issue.

There follows a whole load of replies along the lines of
I wouldn't want to be a teacher
Pfb itus
Your child's a brat

I don't think because something is in Aibu and the parent asks that it asks for rude replies.

It can take 20/30 posts before someone comes along and says nicely - yes Yabu because of X y and z.
I would suggest you try a b and c.

If in between the snippy replies and nice measured responses the OP snipes back they get told they are proving they have attitude and AU.
When they start responding nicely to measured posts get told they only want to listen to the people who agree with them!

I think it would be more effective posting on the original thread with your original username otherwise the discussion is in general rather than specific to what you are talking about. If you feel bullied, report the posts, if you think you are in the right, keep posting.

I had a thread like this a few weeks ago fascicle. Asked a fairly innocuous and lighthearted question and was was jumped upon by posters insisting on giving me 'advice' that id neither asked for or required, then when declined to follow said advice was insinuated that i must be niave/stupid/young/rich (none of these meant complimentary btw).

Some people need something to release their anger and frustration at. If they can't do that in their real lives, then perhaps a random stranger is the next best thing? I suppose it's better than kicking a cat, but not much.

Bit pointless if you don't outline the facts. One persons bullying is another persons logical disagreement.

If the poster was deleted then mn did the right thing. Why drag it on elsewhere.

If it was dealt with on the original thread I agree that there seems little point in dragging it up via a name change. No one even knows what the original thread was about though of course MNHQ will be able to see what the OP's last username was.

And threads accusing a whole heap of unnamed posters of bullying behaviour seldom go well.