Cold sore kisses for new baby?!

[CoveredInBeeees]

We had a party this weekend and some old friends came and stayed over for it. They have two lovely boys of 7 and 9 who love our lg and it was their first time meeting pretty new (4 months old) baby.

When they arrived the party was in full swing but I saw that their youngest had a spot between his nose and his mouth. I thought nothing of it. As we were hosting both my husband and I were busy quite a lot and the baby was happily going to various friends and relatives for a cuddle now and again as the day progressed. I saw the younger boy kissing our baby quite a lot, and thought how sweet it was. Hours later I heard his mum say "careful wth that cold sore when you kiss the baby" but she let him carry on kissing. I had a growing feeling of dread- I know nothing much about cold sores having not had any experience with them but assumed as long as no direct contact it was ok, as the parents seemed so relaxed about it.

Then when they left I looked the virus up and oh my dear god it's so very contagious and so so potentially dangerous for small babies. If either of mine got it I would be utterly gutted. I'm so angry with myself for not questioning it, and so worried that either the baby or the toddler- or more likely both- will have to live with the virus for life thanks to me/ the parents being stupid.

The couple have messaged to apologise after my husband called, asked about the spot and told them how worried we are. I just don't know how to respond as I'm so mad. Aibu to think that the parents should have known what the deal was and been more careful with their boy? Surely it's the parents responsibility to take precautions if their kid is contagious? I feel sick thinking I didn't protect my kids adequately though I've not had much sleep for a few months so perhaps this is an overreaction?

Once you get coldsores the virus is there for life, coldsores will recur every so often. They are very contagious. And fucking itchy and horrible (I get them). The parents should have told him NO kissing the baby, wash hands before touching the baby (as he may have touched the coldsore), and should have been watching to make sure he wasn't sharing drinks or utensils as kids sometimes do. They were completely reckless. I can't believe anyone would let a kid with a coldsore kiss anyone, let alone a baby, what absolute cunts! Sorry OP. Hopefully baby will not have been infected though, it is contagious but it's not a certainty that it will have been passed from the child this time. I really feel for you with the worry though.

Dolly I always thought once you caught it you get the initial outbreak but then it can never appear again, I always thought you had at least one bout, I could be wrong though

*Both me and DP have got to adhulthood with no cold sores as has my grandparents and parents, it it possible!

I'd be furious with the parents, they should teach their child not to spread it around!*

That doesn't mean you don't have the HV1 virus, it just means you haven't had an outbreak.

Many people go there entire lives without an outbreak.

Jiggly nope, not necessarily. Especially with HSV1. It's highly dependent on the strength of the virus and the strength of your antibodies. Given that 67% of people have it (they actually think it's closer to 89%), how many do you see with obvious sores? Or how many people have ever had more than one cold sore.

The first outbreaks can vary in severity too. Ever have a tiny pimple near your mouth or slightly swollen lip?

I have never had a cold sore - neither of my kids have either but DH got it as a child (from an Aunty kiss - bleurrgh) so we a super vigilant - wouldn't have been if that wasn't the case so don't blame yourself OP! Fingers crossed your baby will be fine and amazed at the blase/thoughtless attitude of your friend, how annoying.

Also, slight tangent but at pp's implying 'being vaccinated' would make a blind bit of difference one way or the other when faced with a kissing child with a cold sore. Vaccines aren't even 100% effective at protecting from the diseases they actually vaccinate against - they are not a magic spell against all illness!? (and no that isn't a goady vaccine thread de-railment I promise - just a big old face palm!).

I don't think there is a cold sore vaccine anyway? I read other people's posts about being vaccinated more as a loose guide that children were of a more robust age but I guess they were maybe thinking the vaccinations would protect which is simply incorrect.

No never had a swollen lip or a pimple, I'm very fared skin but also am lucky in that I don't really get pimples if at all, so meh I could have it I suppose, but if I had an active sore I'd make sure to keep it to myself.

I'm not going to quiz DP so he may well have haha

Yes I meant that as the child is of an age to of been vaccinated and will of built up an immune system of its own to fight off that and any other virus, not that they will of been vaccinated against a cold sore - Im not an idiot and fully aware there is no vaccination for cold sores

Sorry farfrom - more of a personal bugbear really and I had got the impression it was being implied that being vaccinated would make a difference. IMO the issue of immunity and vaccinations is often misunderstood/peppered with mis-information (and vaccination is a conversational grenades best avoided on any parenting forum so I should have kept my mouth shut - apologies for that!).

Looking at my PP I probably should of explained what I meant better to begin with. I'm kinda new here so wasn't aware vaccinations were such a controvertial issue so I'll be sure not to mention it again though - thanks for the heads up

@NeedsAsockamnesty
What a fantastically helpful post.

There was another thread on here this week? Last week? About someone who was about to give birth but was worried about their step child who had a cold sore - so was badly torn between wanting sdc to be involved and not feeling shut out, but not wanting them to be anywhere near the newborn.

Worth a read of the thread - not least because someone mentioned some medicine that you can paint on the cs to create a skin to stop it being so infectious- fingers crossed they had used something like that. Not that that would excuse their behaviour - they shouldn't have risked your baby. Surely if you went to see a newborn you would keep anyone with any potential germs away - even a slight sniffle. And even if you didn't know about the dangers of cs to babies you'd still keep them away because they aren't nice things to have.

she asked if she was being unreasonable, I think she was partially being unreasonable.

The other parents were extremely irresponsible. The cold sore virus can be very serious for the under 2yos. I would call your GP on advice on whether there is some prophylactic treatment you should consider for the baby.

Oops posted too soon.

Meant to say - would it be worth talking to midwife or your gp on the phone to find out how worried they would be, what to look out for, to see if there's anything you can do to reduce the chance of anything developing.

I had exactly the same worry a few months ago after a visitor came to meet my newborn and before I realised, was kissing LO. I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach after I realised she'd covered a cold sore with make up. I felt terrible, like I'd really let my baby down by not protecting him. I also spent time googling, frightening myself to the point of tears and lying awake in a panic. If it's any comfort to you, my health visitor and GP both said it was unreasonable of the visitor not to show more consideration but also neither of them were worried. It's apparently incredibly rare for a baby to catch it, and by 4 months your LO's immune system is much more resilient than the poor babies you've read about. If you are breastfeeding LO will have some protection from you, particularly if you've had chicken pox which is a related virus. My baby didn't catch a cold sore and I'm sure neither will yours.
Try to relax. Stay vigilant for the next 2 weeks so you can catch it early if anything materialises.
YANBU, your visitors should have been more careful but it's not worth falling out over, that would BU. Your baby will be fine!

The parents are absolutely to blame and I cannot believe they let their son go anywhere near a baby with a colesore. They know its contagious and more harmful to infants. I would keep my distance from those irresponsible parent and also, ban anyone from kissing baby - maybe at least ban from kissing on lips.

I didnt let anyone kiss my baby on the lips because, now i know this will sound weird but, i dont go around kissing others on the lips, i would only do that to DP - So why is it the norm for others to kiss a baby on the lips?! I also didn't want to risk coldsores or fag breathe.

OP, take baby to the gp and try not to stress or beat yourself up about it. We live and learn x

YANBU in the slightest and I'd be annoyed and upset too.

I just don't understand how you wouldn't mention it to the parents.