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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Going 'No contact'

30 replies

PineappleToast · 14/08/2016 11:09

I've name-changed for this, as a) it's a sensitive subject and b) very identifying.

Back-story: My DM have always had an odd relationship, and I have my suspicions that she has narcissistic personality disorder. We're also about as different as it's possible to be.

It's her birthday today, and I completely forgot. I felt awful about this when I realised it was too late - it's too far to pop down for a visit, and I've put a card and present in the post.

This morning, I've had an email from her saying "you really don't care do you? I realise how little I mean". This was at 9; I was planning on calling the afternoon.

So as not to drip-feed, this is a woman who:
a) Covered-up a sexual assault whilst on holiday (not rape, but still traumatising - I was 10), and provided zero support afterwards.
b) Attempted to blackmail me away from moving to London post-Uni ("your Nan will die with worry if you move").
c) Didn't ask me how I was during pregnancy, and doesn't ask how DGS is now - he was sick whilst on FaceTime last week, and she hasn't been in contact to check he's okay.
d) Threw a massive strop about my wedding being in a 'pub' (a naice pub though Wink) and then demanded that I spend the evening before my wedding cooking a large family meal (they had to travel) for everyone.

My argument would be that she doesn't seem to have any care or consideration for me... I'd also like to point out that I call her twice a week for a chat. In the seven years since I left home, she has never called me for a chat.

AIBU to cut contact? It feels like the final straw - a complete lack of recognition for how she's behaved. I know it's not an eye for an eye situation, but I'm astounded by the message.

Or should I just suck it up, send an extra large bouquet, and see if the past can be overwritten?

Thanks for getting this far. It's been very cathartic (for me, at least).

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 14/08/2016 19:04

Lumpy you are describing my life!

BoneyBackJefferson · 14/08/2016 20:13

I am so against this. Adults sometimes need to suck up difficult parents

Just because they are your parents doesn't mean that you have to put up with abuse.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 14/08/2016 20:37

I am reading a thread on another forum written by people who have been cut off, the consensus seems to be evil daughter in laws are behind it.

Walter Flowers bloody awful isn't it.

Waltermittythesequel · 14/08/2016 20:39

It really is. And sometimes it really bothers myself.

But, then I remind myself that the dc won't be exposed to her so silver lining!

WilLiAmHerschel · 14/08/2016 20:48

I haven't had much of a relationship with my dad since I was about seven, maybe younger. When my dd was born I made a conscious decision to have nothing to do with him for her sake. Very occasionally I get a little bit upset for the dad I never really had, but he is never going to be the dad or grandad I want and I think cutting him out of my life completely was the best decision I could have made in the circumstances.

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