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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to go to 20 week anomaly scan alone?

43 replies

Uddlybutterly · 14/08/2016 08:29

Pretty much as the title says, DH has to work and when I asked DM she replied that "we went alone to everything back when I was pregnant" - they also didn't have scans so I'm not sure that helps really.

OP posts:

MadameJosephine · 14/08/2016 12:27

Lots of people will tell you they attended their scan alone and that it was fine but this is because they were lucky enough to be in the 98% of women whose scan does not detect any abnormality and chances are this is the group you will also be in. However, for those who are not so lucky, having someone to support them can be very important indeed so I would always recommend that you take somebody for support if at all possible

cherryplumbanana · 14/08/2016 12:35

allowlsthinkalot

did the hospital allow you to take your children with you?

In the letter we received, it is clearly written that they won't do a scan if you have young children with you. Whilst I can understand their point, I am panicking about my own kids when I am booked for my scan. I have no one to take them, so was wondering if I would have to miss on the scan entirely, which is not fair.

PeachGoddess · 14/08/2016 12:39

I went alone to my first anomaly scan as my husband had d and v, everything was fine.

As someone who found out her baby has several severe abnormalities at her second scan (for late DS) - please take someone with you. I would have hated to be alone when I found out about my beautiful boy.

Original poster

Uddlybutterly · 15/08/2016 10:05

Thank you everyone for your kind replies. I think my mum takes the attitude that nothing bad happened with any of her kids so why would it happen to mine. Hmm.

I'm still not 100% sure what to do, my closest friend is long term ttc and has recently spoke of how any mention of babies makes her cry etc.

DH is actually asking again today regarding time off so I will cross my fingers.

OP posts:

NeedsAsockamnesty · 15/08/2016 10:28

Why is he asking as opposed to informing them he needs the time off to attend a antinatal appointment?

navylily · 15/08/2016 10:40

You can probably change the time or date of the scan if you ask, if that would enable your DH to attend.

Dozer · 15/08/2016 10:42

He has the legal right to time off and it should really be him who attends.

Scarydinosaurs · 15/08/2016 10:49

It should really be your DH.

I had bad news at mine and would be devastated on my own.

TheInternetIsForPorn · 15/08/2016 10:50

I had to take my age to a couple of scans. Not my best mate but another friend who I knew was reliable in a crisis. We had fun and went for lunch after when there were nO issues.

YANBU to want support.

allowlsthinkalot · 15/08/2016 21:10

Yes, the hospital did allow it. The letter did say no children but I explained to my midwife that it was either take the kids or not have a scan and we're they going to refuse me a scan?

We have moved now and it's fine to take children here. It depends on the hospital policy I think.

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 15/08/2016 21:18

Yanbu

DP actually refused to take time off work for dC2's 20 week scan, over 2 years ago. It still hurts.

Everything was fine with the pregnancy and dc2 but this scan is there to spot anomalies. If you have worrying news, it's better to have support. If, like most people, you are given the all clear, it's great to share that moment with your partner.

augustwashout · 15/08/2016 21:21

I agree its best to have someone with you, I am sorry but I couldnt ever take for granted all will be well.

Ask again, if you think you need support I know I did.

augustwashout · 15/08/2016 21:22

I really think your dh should be there.

SueGeneris · 15/08/2016 21:29

I went to my 20 week scan for dc3 alone as dh had to collect the older kids from school.

As someone above, soft markers were identified at that scan and it was really horrible being on my own and having to have all the discussions afterwards and then drive home.

He should really go if he can.

gingerbreadmanm · 15/08/2016 21:44

at my sons anomaly scan i had my dp and dm with me. severe abnormalities were discovered with his physical development.

they both fell apart i think i would have coped better on my own.

Original poster

Uddlybutterly · 17/08/2016 08:57

Good people of Mumsnet, DH is now attending the scan.

I am also truly sorry to all of you that discovered problems at your scans, I think you are all very brave.

OP posts:

thepenguinsrock · 17/08/2016 09:57

Congrats on the bubba 💐
Its very normal to want someone there with you, I've never been to a scan alone either my mum, sister or hubby have always been there as it's terrifying and exciting all at once and I always end up a massive bag of nerves on the day.
My last pregnancy in may, my hubby was on police training and would of missed every scan. I booked a private scan at 9 weeks so he would be there the 1st time we saw the baby and my sister was going to attend the 12 week scan with me and we would have done the same around 18 weeks for the gender/abnormally scan if the pregnancy had progressed that far.

Dozer · 17/08/2016 13:20

That's great, hope the scan goes well and that you get a good peek at the baby!

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