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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think she has no idea!

43 replies

george1020 · 13/08/2016 17:40

Friend has just got engaged I am really happy for her she has wanted it for a long time and soon to be DH is a nice guy so all good......

However friend is insanely adamant the wedding will cost £5000 and no more. Now I know you can do one cheaper but she wants all the bells and whistles in a woodland setting with live bands, catering, Pinterest/crafty stuff and a bloody expensive dress.
This would be fine normally I would just passively agree but she is wanting my advice and just will not believe me when I gently suggest she may need to rein in her ideas or get a bigger budget!

AIBU by pissing on her parade even though she keeps wanting my advice? should I just leave her to it and distance myself? Or can she really have all that for that budget? (I'm not an expert on costs of weddings tbh)

Need advice please mumsnet! And if you are happy to share your weddings and costs that would help a lot!

OP posts:

Original poster

george1020 · 13/08/2016 18:39

I am really pleased you all think it might actually be achievable if she reins in a little bit.

OP posts:

Original poster

george1020 · 13/08/2016 18:45

I'm not jealous I am really happy for her. I am really fond of her and she wanted me to help her organise the whole thing. It makes me sound like a interfering busy body but I'm really not I let her lead the way and only give opinions when asked to. Her partner is in the army so i go with her as company to appointments etc. I get on really well with her partner too but wouldn't over step with my opinions.
I was mainly worried that she would be so upset if it was completely unrealistic and I really would hate to see her upset about it all.

OP posts:

SickInBedOnTwoChairs · 13/08/2016 18:47

She's getting married! That's a bigass bite of a reality sandwich in it's own right so finding out the fantasy from the reality over the wedding won't do her any harm OP! It'll set her in good stead for the bog lid being left up, the lid off the toothpaste endlessly and not being able to see the soap for pubes! Back off a bit and you'll be doing her a favour!

PinkyPlumet · 13/08/2016 18:48

Tbh I think anyone that thinks you need to spend over 5k is pretty materialistic.

DinosaursRoar · 13/08/2016 18:52

But also, that £5k might be flexible - she might save £5k for the big stuff like the caterer and band, but then along the way pay out for invites, cake, bridesmaid dresses etc, and forget to factor it in as the money's already been spent.

Benedikte2 · 13/08/2016 19:16

Just go along with her at the moment -- don't be the messenger with bad news. Let the hard facts gradually sink in. Tell her if she wants you to help her organise it you need to know how much she wants to apportion to each item so you can start to scout around for stuff she might be interested in. If she starts to get discouraged when she realise 5k isn't going to go as far as she thought jolly her along and tell her it is about possible if she reigns in on stuff people won't really notice or you can get bargains on. Will need to do stuff herself with help of family and friends so needs to start to prepare well ahead. Ask if she had friends, family or contacts who have useful skills. Photos are expensive so a reliable friend could save her lots, likewise cake and decoration. Wedding I went to recently had a guy attend with an old fashioned ice cream cart with lots of flavoured ice cream and that and cake was the dessert.
You can hire lovely festive marquees if you have somewhere it can be erected and that will be cheaper than a venue that wants you cater the wedding.
Good luck to you all

GiddyOnZackHunt · 13/08/2016 19:28

We spent a bit more than 5k, maybe 7k.
A friend who was training in floristry did our flowers at cost for her portfolio. Another friend did my hair as a gift. We didn't have a cake because we aren't cake fans. We didn't have cars as no need. It was a very unweddingy wedding. Great do & everyone had lots of fun.

BengalCatMum · 13/08/2016 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 13/08/2016 19:33

Sorry, failed to say, you can't rain on her parade. You just need to ensure she sorts out a spreadsheet of costs so she can see where her money's going.
She can print or make invitations herself, do a run to Calais for wine, customise a dress, hire suits, have non wedding catering etc

Fairylea · 13/08/2016 19:35

We spent £5k. We had 40 people, a hotel wedding and reception, nice big county hotel. We got my dress from house of Fraser in the sale for £150, we got a cake maker to make a plain 3 tier cake and decorated it ourselves with flowers, we had a sit down 3 course meal and a few drinks each. It was lovely, it didn't feel like we had scrimped on anything. We didn't have a band or anything like that but no one really fancied that anyway. It's perfectly possible to have a great wedding on a budget - I don't think £5k is even a particularly small budget!

HeddaLettuce · 13/08/2016 19:37

5k is a lot of money. I think you have no idea, in fact.

limon · 13/08/2016 19:40

Yabu it'd entirely do-able on £5k.

Buy wine and drinks discounted in the year running up.

One marquee

Diy favours and decorations

Ebay dress

Diy food

Zucker · 13/08/2016 19:56

My advice is to you. When she says she wants your help organising the wedding she really wants someone to smile and nod and say that sounds fab! She will realise soon enough, on her spreadsheet, that her dream will or won't be achievable on 5k.

You're not paying for it so no harm to you doing this. Unless you are actually Monica from friends

Vickyyyy · 13/08/2016 20:00

If she is actually asking your advice as you say, sure tell her you think her ideas don't fit with her budget. But it is entirely possible she may get some stuff cheaper than you think. Just do up a spreadsheet of costs and such.

Mine cost like 500 quid but I got nighttime entertainment free as I know a guy who does it for a living, wedding car...did up BILs BMW, and such.

DinosaursRoar · 13/08/2016 20:05

for those saying it's doable on £5k, of course it is, but not if say, you've found a caterer who'll do the meal for £30 per head, you're planning on inviting 150 people and haven't done the maths that your budget is nearly all gone on that... From what the OP has said, the friend is saying £5k is the budget, but is getting quotes that add up to the sort of wedding with a much bigger budget and doesn't seem to have thought to add it all up yet.

If you are going to have a wedding with all the frills but on a small budget, then budgetting is important, but it doesn't sound like the OP's friend is budgetting well, and the OP is worried she'll get a nasty surprise when she does add it all - by which point it'll be too late to cut costs on things she's already committed to.

OP - encourage her to get a spreadsheet of all the costs, but beyond that, don't get involved because it sounds like it's going ot be messy when she realises she either needs to find another £5k or change her plans.

Trills · 13/08/2016 20:07

It's doable to some extent IF she is organised and clever about things and willing to compromise.

It doesn't sound like that's the kind of person she is, from your posts.

Bogeyface · 13/08/2016 20:14

It is possible to have a 5k wedding for 5k. It is NOT possible to have a 20k wedding for 5k and I get the impression that that is what the bride is after.

If that is the case then there is nothing really that the you can do OP, other than encourage her to put all her figures into a list so she can see how it is comparing to her budget and be ready with ideas for where she can cut back if she cant increase her budget.

Welshrainbow · 13/08/2016 20:19

Let her get on with it, if she wants to hire the most expensive bands/caterers then no she won't get it on that budget but it is possible to do that sort of wedding in that budget if she's willing to compromise on things like a second hand dress etc. Ours came in at around 4K with crafty table decs, full three course sit down meal for 59, evening buffet for 100, live band etc. Hiring the venue was the most expensive part and there were small compromises like a second hand dress that I had altered to fit perfectly, a photographer friend did our photos and our cake was bought from M&S and decorated by my mum. A good friend had a similar wedding in a woodland setting with with three course catered meal and evening buffet. They used a photographer from the local college and hired a band from a local music college to keep costs down there and guests camped in the woods. It was a gorgeous wedding and looked like it cost £1000s more than it did, they had a similar budget to ours.

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