To think it was her and not me?

[bertiesgal]

My husband works a long day on a Saturday so I'm alone with our four children. I always try to go a walk to get fresh air and feel like I've done something (makes me feel less bad about putting a movie on later in the day ). I had dd1 walking next to me, ds1 and ds2 in the double buggy and dd2 in the baby carrier (I can only dream of anonymity right now). Ds1 is 3 and had pilfered a dummy. I asked dd1 to take it from him as bending with the baby carrier on is tricky. He started bawling dramatically as soon as the dummy was removed.

I pulled the buggy over, bent down with dd2 hanging out the carrier giggling and spoke firmly with eye contact. I didn't scream or shout but told him to calm down. I started walking again and he continued screaming so I said firmly " stop crying ds1, if you keep this up then you're not getting a treat". I'd promised the kids a visit to the sweet shop as our school holidays end on Monday.

An elderly lady approached me and started screaming at me that I should stop shouting at my son. She told me that I was a terrible mother and that I don't deserve to have children. She told me that she was glad that I wasn't her mother . It was horrible and humiliating and I felt shaky and tearful. I told her that I was glad I was t her mother too and walked away.

I honestly wasn't shouting. I speak firmly when I have to. My children are so so loved and part of loving them is making their behaviour socially acceptable so that life is easier for the them and the rest of the world.

So was she just a crazy lady? I've consulted my parents and DH who have reassured me that I'm a great mum and that my kids are lovely and she was bat shit crazy, not that they're biased!

Ach, I just feel horrible about it. It's hard enough getting 2 children and 2 babies out the house without being lambasted. I really hope it's her and not me. As an antidote everyone in the supermarket I went into after it was lovely and I even blurted out what happened to a member of staff who told me that my children are lovely and it had nothing to do with the lady.

Oh I don't know Jen, I live in Germany where people (but mainly Omas) accost you all the time. I thought it was just me/confirmation bias until others told me their experiences and a German colleague conducted an experiment with a barefoot very authentic looking doll in a pram. They tend to mecker on children being too loud, too cold or too hot.
I once got totally slaughtered for being in the sunshine without sun hats. Made the mistake of engaging saying I actually have a third much older child who's turned out okay thanks, to receive the delightful response: Sie ficken zu viel! (You fuck too much). I wish...
There had to be some issues there that weren't mine. Really. That happened.
There are also situations where you are judged based on one snapshot. Example: summer evening, school holidays, took DC to the park for nearly four hours. Fairly late so dh met us and we went for a meal with kids in local pub. They were still not worn out (despite an eternity on the swings, fort, sand pit) and were whiny so we plugged them into the matrix which is Peppa pig on mobile phone. Complete stranger waited until I was alone (dh had escorted eldest round corner) before offering to play paper, scissors, stone with my kids as he was vehemently against children with mobiles. My middle child looked at him like my youngest then DD just went "Black hole. I win" before dh returned saying "Can't leave you for five minutes, Kimmy"
It was Weird Central. The point is engaging and being defensive saying Hang on a minute, we've been at the park since 2 o'clock and I played with them all morning would have brought me nada: sometimes easier to let it go like water off a duck's back than get involved in a confrontation. easier said than done
Karma balances out. Had stranger on plane tell me how wonderful DC were and how good I was. (Another flight might have done exactly the same stuff with different outcomes, kids are not logical). A kind Oma gave me her loyalty card for a discount yesterday, just lovely. She said something along the lines of being nice will always come back to you/a sweet pay it forward karma type mindset I guess.
OP. Please try and put it out of your mind if you know it was uncalled for. Everyone's a critic.

She was a crazy old woman with no filter. Was it any of her business anyway? I'm sure you were only speaking firmly rather than shouting but this sort of thing always sounds worse to others. Put it out of your mind. I'm sure you're doing fine.

I do think it is a bit of a trend though, for an increasing number of people to interpret any kind of discipline as child abuse.

I can only assume JenLindley that you've led a sheltered life, if you think the OP's lying.

It happened to my DIL when my DGS was only weeks old. Some nasty older woman started having a go at her whilst she was getting off the bus about the DGS not wearing warm enough clothes and no shoes in May. It didn't seem to register that tiny babies don't wear shoes and he was being carried in a baby sling. He was dressed completely appropriately IME.

Luckily, I was visiting her that day and met her in the shopping centre a few minutes later and was able to reassure my tearful DlL that she was doing a great job. She was a new mum, (not white British and thousands of miles away from her own mum) and didn't need her confidence dismantling by a rascist stranger.

I was livid and would have given the woman 'what for' if I'd seen her.

I think there are plenty of interfering busybody types around but I suspect they only pick on mums who are obviously hassled.

I believe you. I once got screamed at for leaving my dog in a hot car. I'd been walking the dog round a local lake, and was stood beside said car with all doors open, waiting for it to cool down, the dog jumped in, totally of its own accord. Cue crazy lady threatening me with the RSPCA.

crazy old woman - managed to get some ageism and mental health bashing in there together, blithering, well done

I meant why would someone describe an actual event but lie about one element of it? Thry know thryre lying. They know the responses they get are based on their lie and therefore meaningless so what's the point?

I don't know, but they really do, again and again on MN. A couple of years ago I'd have taken what OP posted as fact but experience of MN has fine tuned some sort of "not quite right" radar and it pinged on this thread for me. I could be totally wrong and OP I am sorry if I am but for me it doesn't sit right. It's no big deal to me really and I am surprised that there haven't been others thinking the same so maybe my radar is "off" today. I'm in no doubt that an incident did indeed happen, I'm not saying you've made the whole lot up and clearly you're upset by it so I'm sorry that I've added to that upset. I'll leave you to it now as I've said what I think a few times now and there's no need to repeat it again.

Jen, your radar is truly off. It genuinely happened. I am a busy mother of 4 little children. It takes me about an hour to get out of the house. I don't know how to prove that I'm real but I definitely am.

I initially found the experience unsettling but the more I think about it the more than think the poor lady probably has early dementia. It was disinhibited and massively over the top.

Think I'm more upset about being called a troll or is that a mumsnet right of passage?

Anyway, most of the comments above have made me feel all warm and fuzzy. I wish we could all just support each other. I'm going to make a special effort to say kind things to stressed mums. A little bit of kindness goes a long way

Sounds like you're doing an amazing job taking four children out on your own.
I've luckily never experienced this, but I have a very bitchy resting (and active face), so maybe I've avoided it thus far!

That's cool, I'm okay with being wrong. It happens. Again, I am sorry I upset you. Fwiw I wasn't calling you a troll (although I do think that must be a MN right of passage ) I just thought maybe you'd embellished or downplayed some of what happened. Maybe this stuff doesn't happen to me because I've a face would turn milk and people think better of approaching me anyway OP get on with your day, whether she has dementia or not, her reaction was all to do with her own issues/life and nothing to do with you. Let it roll over you. It makes no difference to her whether it upsets you or not but it makes a difference to you so don't let it.

Maybe she was remembering bringing up her own kids. And bawling at them.... So maybe it was guilt and regret on her part...

I've had random stranger of all ages and sexes say weird (and wonderful) things about my parenting, my children, their conception (?) and my choices.

Really, really strange stuff. I suspect that people may see and tiny snapshot and overlay all their own issues on top of it.

I've been told off (within the same 10 mins) for the children wearing both too few and too many clothes.
I've been told off for not "disciplining" my 5 month old baby. I've been told of for telling my toddler not to touch the glass jars on a shelf, I've been told off for my twin babies happily babbling to each other in the library (she actually said children should be seen and not heard!).

I'm a really good Mum and my kids are fabulous so I usually smile and tell them why they are completely in the wrong.

The lovely people who compliment your kids' behaviour, manners etc generally make up for it I find.

Jen you are troll hunting which is against the rules. Report the OP if you don't believe her.

When DD2 was a baby and on portable oxygen I had two women follow me around Tesco asking what I'd done to her, speculating between themselves about what drugs I must have taken to make her 'damaged' (their word, not mine).

I would never have believed that people could be so horrendous if it hadn't happened to me.

My sister had a bloke have a go at her for letting her son carry a baby doll around, apparently that's how you "make a gay"

Maybe people say these things because they have a mental health issue, maybe it is dementia and maybe sometimes they're just a twat. Whatever the reason behind it it's still horrible to be on the receiving end of it.

Try not let her cloud the rest of your day OP. Some people have a thing about children being shouted at. I got told off in the park by an elderly lady for the "tone and excessive volume" I used on my 3yo DD3 a few weeks back. Apparently "Get back onto the platform X!" in my "sharp tone" is mean and unkind. I can't imagine what she'd have called it if I'd stood there and watched her climbed over the top of the slide and fell off it!

I agree with a PP that even if someone shouts at their child once in a blue moon they'll be absolutely fine and nobody's business.

She was BU OP, not you

Thanks everyone. Feeling so much better about it now. Kids are lovely and happy and even if a parent is behaving inappropriately

Sorry posted to soon!

I was going to say that even if you see bad parenting, the rational response is not to start yelling in someone's face with personal insults. I've stood back a bit and I can see that now. I even knew at the time that she was in the wrong but I was so shocked and embarrassed that I just stood there opening and closing my mouth.

Feeling all lucky and happy on the couch with my eldest two while the twins are sleeping. Life is good (and I haven't even had wine!).

Also Jen don't worry about it, ironically the lady was the equivalent of a real life troll but like trolls she's damaged. I'm getting all mature me!