To think my 2 year old has enough toys?

[DickensyAnn]

I'm actually not sure if I'm BU - have nc as this is fairly identifying and am slightly concerned this will be seen as stealth boasty in one direction or the other but it's really not intended to be.

Essentially, I am not sure if my DS is hard done by/ lucky or somewhere in between. My DM thinks he is very very hard done by and we have actually just had a massive row about it which precipitated this thread. We've just been away visiting family at the beach for a couple of days and she was horrified that apart from a bucket and spade, we hadn't bought anything new for DS while we were away, which is on top of us only getting him one thing for his birthday last month. She says we are mean and relying on her and other family to 'fill in the gaps' - I don't think that is fair, as while they obviously buy him birthday and Christmas presents etc, we don't 'expect' them to buy him things at any other time, though occasionally they do.

She is very much a things = love person, though. My DBro and I were showered with 'stuff' our whole childhoods and while in many ways it was lovely it has definitely given me a skewed view on possessions - I remember loving going to stay with GPs etc as a child as I could only take a few bits with me and it was nice to be able to set everything out tidily etc. The pressure of constantly being admonished to take care of/ appreciate/ play with/ curate mountains and mountains of things, most of which we didn't ask for or really want is something I don't want my son to have. But I also don't want to swing too far the other way and stop him having a 'normal' amount of stuff. In addition, DH and I are in very different financial circumstances to my parents, and don't have the space or the money for buy as much. We prefer to spend what we do have on doing stuff like taking him swimming, or even little things like out for tea rather than new toys. Plus he goes to nursery 3 days a week and has loads of toys to play with there.

But - he does seem to have very little compared to friends' kids of similar ages and his cousins. They all have massive playrooms full of toys. So I do wonder if my mum has a point. So - here is a photo of probably 90% of his toys. As well as what is shown here he has:

-A small toy kitchen with plates, cups and wooden food that can be cut up.
-Some other 'musical' toys - a drum/ harmonica/ handbells etc.
-A scooter, a ball and a frisbee for taking to the park.
-A ride-on fire engine.
-Some bath toys and a bubble machine for the bath.
-Lots of drawing stuff, stickers and crayons.
-A folding dolls buggy.
-About 15 cuddly toys that he largely shows no interest in.
-Lots of books.

I am aware that some of his toys are getting a bit babyish - but everything here he still plays with. I'm more than happy to buy new things for him, but not just for the sake of it.

I don't know - I'm just feeling really shit about this and it's stupid as at the end of the day what matters is that he's happy and we aren't bankrupt. My DM always seems to know what buttons to push though to make me feel like an awful mum.

We have just come back from holiday where my children (who incidentally have far too many toys) have happily occupied themselves with 2 boxes of jenga blocks (I took a set and there was one provided at the cottage), a set of craft sticks (like lolly sticks) and a handful of toy cars. They also did a small amount of painting with a paintbox and colouring book. I had taken more than that with me but they just didn't need it.
Oh, they did also have a ball and flying fairy in the garden.
I'm planning on having a toys purge once the holidays are over as the little ones are going to school so we will need far far less.

OP, YANBU. Your mother sounds extremely trying.

The thing about needing new toys to go in holiday with makes her sound about 5 years old, but this? "She says we are mean and relying on her and other family to 'fill in the gaps'"

Btw, totally fine on the toy front. More than enough. Although my DC at age 2 weren't particularly interested in toys and were happier lumbering about putting random objects into shopping bags, clutching pieces of cutlery or trying to climb on the furniture.

Why do people think that children can only interact with toys? And why do people not give a crap about allowing children to use their imaginations?

Hm, toys are really important for development. And they are kids for such a short amount of time that I don't think kids having a lot of toys is a problem.
We have loads of toys and I love it. They all get played with because we get different things out day to day.
I think as long as your son is seeing other toys at playgroups, it's fine.
But no that's not a lot of toys!

I think you have enough toys but maybe not the right toys?

If you think about key areas of development do you have a couple of toys for each thing? Somebody will be able to do a better list than me- I don't know much about under 5s.

Social development- 'small world' toys like dolls house/ figures, dressing up gear, 'practical' toys like dustpan and brush.

Fine motor development- threading toys, tweezers, insert jigsaws etc

Literacy- single word books, letter jigsaws, painting easle

Numeracy- sorting fruit, stacking toys, duplo

It is worth looking up 'Montessori at home' if you are worried about the effects of too much stuff on your DS. It recommends displaying toys in a child centred way, not having much out at once and rotating the toys you have out. I found it prefect in the small house we had when DS was little- you just need a low shelf and a cupboard to keep the toys not 'on rotation' in.

If you have a 'philosophy' maybe it will keep DM quiet!

Something like this.

My ds is 2 soon. He has 5 tubs of toys, slide, a little tikes car, full sized trampoline and a scramble bug. We have 4 dcs. He actually plays with the spare metal dof water bowl, a spoon, the plastic plates and bowls in the cupboard and loves a rummage in the tin cupboard. He only really plays with the little tikes car other than that

Similar amount of toys to my 2.4 year old. I also think she has too much. Can't help thinking about the huge landfill caused by every two year old in the land having this many toys (and more).

That looks like a great selection of toys to me! I think kids these days get bombarded with too much stuff which leads to them not appreciating stuff as much. 100 years ago kids were lucky to get a stick and a hoop to play with. I think you have a great balance of toys for your child and your mum could do with winding her neck in a bit.

The amount of toys looks fine.

We have lots more than that, but a lot of it rarely gets played with (unless we suggest to the DC that toy x should be given away as they never play with it) and is little more than clutter.

The things that my 2 yr old regularly plays with include our wooden train set, toy vehicles, ride on train, favourite books, bath toys and his comforter. The toy dinosaurs, toy people (mostly Happyland type stuff), and drawing stuff get some play. His main interest in duplo at the minute is getting someone to build something and then destroying it, but hopefully he'll get more interested in constructing it himself before too long.

I certainly don't see any need to buy new toys for holidays just because it's a holiday.

I really like the Montessori at home stuff! We actually already have most things arranged so he can get at them himself but I like the idea of checking the toys tick different developmental boxes. Agree that generally speaking he doesn't actually spend that much time playing with toys. He mostly pootles around 'helping' with whatever we're doing, or we play games like hide and seek, or yes the carrying around random items in bags features heavily. Maybe if he had siblings he'd play with toys more, i don't know.

It looks like a good amount to me. Sorry to hear your mum's being so horrid about it.

Op I often worry too. Some of my friends just have massive amounts of shiny amazing toys and I always feel inadequate when I go over there. I have a 3.5 year old and a 2 year old (he's 2 at the end of the month) and they have quite a lot but so much doesn't get played with. They love cars, we have hundreds of little cast iron cars!! And toot toot track, they love that.

I use birthdays and Christmas as a chance to "update" their toys and will have a big sort out just before.

My boys will often just play with a muslin, pretending to be a ghost, or chase each other about!

The toys you have look good and combined with the ones you've also mentioned, sounds perfectly suitable! Don't listen to your mum! You raise your child the way you see fit!!!