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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

working days and Friday off

67 replies

Ilovetea82 · 12/08/2016 11:33

I work a 4 day week and have Friday's off.
When lo has been ill etc I have worked Friday's to make up time and get work done (if I don't do it it won't be done)
I am pregnant and my midwife has surgery on Thursday and Friday afternoons. Would I be very unreasonable to book the appointments for Thursday afternoons and use the time to rest, lo is at nursery then and I would need to bring him with me if I did it on a Friday.
So unsure what to do, I work 45 mins away from home so wouldn't be going back after the appointment....

OP posts:

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 12/08/2016 12:23

maternity visits etc are fully allowed during work time, its the law baby!

sick kids however are not, so you are doing there right thing there

Champagneformyrealfriends · 12/08/2016 12:24

I'd book it on the Thursday but when I was pregnant all my appointments fell on my day off/late and because I was consultant led and at the hospital I spent half my 2 days off a week waiting to be bloody monitored. Not to mention the drive there and back-I was bloody exhausted.

WeAllHaveWings · 12/08/2016 12:27

Been 12 years since I was pregnant, the midwife appointments aren't every week are they? I don't remember them being that frequent, unless you needed additional monitoring, then you wouldn't want to have your lo along anyway.

I'd do the Thursday and ask midwife to make the appointment as late as possible if she can; have lunch at desk and them go to appointment.

I've never heard anyone ever being critical because a colleague was going to an antenatal appointment.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 12/08/2016 12:28

You could do some on Thurs, some on Fri, show some flexibility while keeping up with your work.

I had the same problem, added to which my midwife could only book you for the earliest available appt on a day so she could clear them all to go out earlier on her rounds if she didn't have a full clinic. So if clinic was 1 to 4 and the only other person was booked in at 1 then you had to book for 1.30, you couldn't ask for a 3.30 appt. I can totally see why but I worked 45 mins away too and it was a PITA.

coffeemaker5 · 12/08/2016 12:38

I was in a similar boat a few years ago and always had my antenatal appointments on my off day and took DC1 (severely disabled ) with me.

And a antenatal appointment doesn't last long on most cases either.

I think YABU and I guess you know it.

My employer appreciated this and was very flexible on return when I wanted to change my working pattern. some things work both ways.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 12/08/2016 12:51

Yes, that's another thing, build up a supply of goodwill now as you are very likely to need it when you go back. If you go back having taken unecessary time off for ante-natal appts (even if legally entitled) it will not stand you in good stead when your DC are sick or childcare lets you down, whereas if they know you will always do your best to minimise time off you are likely to get more support.

Xenadog · 12/08/2016 13:01

I would go on a Thursday but, like other posters have said, try to get a late appointment. You are entitled to go the appointments in work time and you sound like someone who doesn't take the P at work so I think it's perfectly reasonable to keep Fridays free. As the pregnancy progresses you're going to need Fridays to rest and I don't think there's actually many MW appointments if it's an uncomplicated pregnancy anyway.

frenchknitting · 12/08/2016 13:17

Interesting question...I'm part time too, and am hoping to have all my consultant appointments on work days, as my work is 5 min from the hospital, whereas my home is an hour and a half away. I don't fancy doing a 3 hour round trip with a toddler on a regular basis, never mind the hassle of trying to keep my blood pressure from rising while he runs riot, etc, etc.

I hadn't even thought about whether that was poor form. Luckily, it's a big company, and no one local will actually care. And I might not get a choice of day anyway, so could just have to deal with it.

Hopefully things will fit around lunchtime as much as possible. But to be honest, I've done enough unpaid overtime at weekends in the past to not feel too bad about it.

MesM · 12/08/2016 13:25

YANBU and I'm genuinely not sure why so many responses suggest you are. As has already been said you are legally entitled to time off for medical appointments in pregnancy whether full time or part time.

When I was pregnant there was no flexibility about the timing of appointments (mornings only, one day of the week from 10am) and even with a low risk pregnancy appointments took different lengths. At the beginning I assumed 30 minutes max, but often clinic was overrunning or the midwife wanted to check something e.g blood tests or glucose done at a separate clinic so in my experience appointments were often excess of a couple of hours, plus an hours commute to the office. I planned for half a day and was pleased if I ended up with some time back. I was reasonably senior when I got pregnant and had years of being accommodating for long hours and high stress workloads so didn't feel guilty at all - and work didn't seem to have a problem with it either.

ChatterNatterer · 12/08/2016 13:36

Do any of you suggest someone who works full time makes the time back up logging on and wfh on a Saturday for 'missed time' during antenatal appointments? Probably not.

I say go later on a Thursday and don't feel guilty, a good working relationship with a company is give and take and as long as both sides have that flexibility and neither takes the piss then it's not a problem.

OpenMe · 12/08/2016 13:55

I'm very disapproving if people who take advantage of employers when pregnant but if you don't take this a leave you're actually disadvantaged yourself v ft employees who would. I suppose to be completely fair you should arrange 20% of appointments in your own time.

Re sick child, yes you should make that time up but if ft staff don't, or don't take it unpaid, neither should you be expected to.

MrsFionaCharming · 12/08/2016 13:56

I think you should pro rata it to be completely fair. You work 80% of full time, so can take 80% of the appointments on Thursdays. That was you get proportionally the same time off as someone working full time and taking all their appointments in work time.

pitterpatterrain · 12/08/2016 15:35

I would agree you are legally allowed the time off. When I have a MW appt on one of my work days I would not be expected to make it back up- that doesn't seem a reasonable expectation either from your employer to you, or frankly for you to offer- you need to draw the line

CostaAddict · 12/08/2016 15:49

I'll get flamed for this but I did it.

Work Mon, Thurs & Fri. Midwife was either a Monday afternoon or Wednesday. I was always offered a Monday pm appointment... So I took it! I did schedule it for as late as poss ( last app) so meant I never missed more than 2.5hrs of work time. My colleagues are fantastic and told me paid time off is one of the perks of being pregnant

And in fairness I usually always worked over my time on other working days, and occasionally going in extra days to make up work and make sure I never fell behind or left work to other colleagues.

Boysnme · 12/08/2016 15:51

You are entitled to the time off. I would take it. Friday's are precious time with your lo.

Neverknowingly · 12/08/2016 16:10

You are entitled to time off for antenatal appointments.

You're employer is entitled to refuse this if it is reasonable to do so.

One of the factors that a lot of legal advice suggests can be taken into account should an employer be inclined to refuse is the ability of employees to go to appointments outside of working hours.

I don't think part time employees should necessarily be expected to take all of their appointments out of working hours but it would be reasonable to expect some of them to be and what makes your position unreasonable, OP, is the 45 minute travelling time - expecting paid time off for that is not reasonable, in my view and expecting to leave at 1 for an antenatal appointment and take the entire afternoon off is not reasonable.

As an acid test - would you feel comfortable to set the position out to you boss/employer and tell them you plan to take time off during working hours - effectively 3.25 hours - or would you feel uncomfortable about doing that? If you would feel uncomfortable then that is probably a good sign that it is not entirely reasonable.

Babyroobs · 12/08/2016 16:47

YABU. If you can do it on a day off then why take time off from work?

Doggity · 12/08/2016 17:54

Sorry but yes YABU. As a previous poster has mentioned, your employer does have the right to refuse if they think it could have been made on a non-working day. I have a disability, so I'm entitled to paid time off for medical appts. I don't take the piss and in return, if I'm off sick, I'm thought of as a valued employee.

Ghanagirl · 12/08/2016 18:30

I'm astounded by posts as it seems if you work fulltime fine take apts off.
Part time workers so discriminated against and majority of PT workers are mums with small children, horrible attitude!!

Doggity · 12/08/2016 18:34

Um if you work every weekday and the medical appts are only weekday, then you have no choice. It's not discrimation, what a load of rubbish. I can't bear it when people bleat about their perceived oppression when it's nothing of the sort.

OpenMe · 12/08/2016 18:39

It is discrimination if a pt worker doesn't get equal (pro-rata) benefits to a ft worker in the same job. If they are not allowed their share of time for appointments that is discrimination (even if you don't like)

buckingfrolicks · 12/08/2016 18:39

depends on your organisation's culture.

As a small business owner, I'd be pretty fed up if you took appointments on thursdays.

Ghanagirl · 12/08/2016 19:24

Doggity
Not sure what your situation is and I'm not judgmental but if you work 5 days a week and are entitled by law to attend antenatal apts why are you against someone who is working part time attending her antenatal apts whilst she's working as she's also "entitled" sounds like envy plus she has small child so hardly reclining eating Bon bons...
Women like you are the reason that lots of mums just give up work after having children as the bitter remarks and snide comments make working life unbearable!!

Ghanagirl · 12/08/2016 19:27

Doggity
I'm sorry that you feel you have to work full time to be "entitled" to have routine midwives apt but that says more about you than OP!

harverina · 12/08/2016 19:36

I would book the Thursday to go without your little one. Full time workers would miss paid work time so it is no different. Try for later appointments if you can.

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