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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask how you found having a baby at 37/38? Was your age a thing?

70 replies

BrazenRaven · 11/08/2016 12:49

Just wondered how people feel about having a baby at this age.

Is it viewed as older for a baby these days?

I know it's a personal thing and everyone is different etc but would appreciate some honest opinions.

If you had a baby mid to late thirties, did you feel your were older?

where I live, people have very much had their children by 35 so having one at this age, I would be in a minority,

I've two other children if this is relevant.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

celeryisnotasuperfood · 11/08/2016 13:15

Yes I am one of the older mum's round here (first at 37, second at 40) but it's never bothered me. Yes I get tired due to broken nights but so are the younger mum's I am friends with. I don't feel it's an issue but then I don't think I particularly look or act 'old', so quite a few were surprised that it was my 40th last year.
The most irritating thing was the health care folks I came across during my second pregnancg.

BlurtonOnKites4eva · 11/08/2016 13:17

I'm in my twenties but most the other Mums at baby groups seem late thirties/early forties so I think it's pretty normal. Some people say that they had more energy when they were younger but you wouldn't know any better and would just have to crack on regardless

thedogstinks · 11/08/2016 13:17

1st at 36 and twins at 38. I'm sure it said on my notes I was an 'older mother' . This is over 10 years ago now.

My kids have been to two schools. They are just one grade apart. I was neither the oldest or the youngest mum in the cohort at either school. Most of them are around 45. I'm 47. A few are 47 or older. Not many over 50, quite a few around 40 - 45. Not many younger than that.

Twinklestar2 · 11/08/2016 13:17

Missgraeme - you have 11 children

SuperBoppy · 11/08/2016 13:21

I had my DD shortly before turning 38, she's 10 months now - I thought I would feel old (can remember thinking my Mum was older than most when I was young, and she had me at 33) but I didn't.

I think people are doing a lot of things later and later in life, buying houses / having kids. I think nothing of a 40 year old having a baby these days, but would not have any beyond 40 personally.

PoorPatrol · 11/08/2016 13:22

I had my first at 36 and my second at 40. There's been a couple of times when I've been running around after DC1 or the baby has kept me up due to teething that I think I'm too old for this rubbish but the moment is fleeting. Motherhood is often knackering! Most in my circle are having babies later - due to uni, careers, meeting their parties later - so we don't bat an eyelid about it. Feel confident in your choices and what's right for you, that's what I say!

MoonriseKingdom · 11/08/2016 13:25

First age 35, due second next month age 37. I go to an NCT playgroup in my area and I don't feel particularly old there. Certainly not many mums under 30. Was the same at antenatal class with my first. Have met a couple of woman having a baby with a new partner who have grown up children from a first relationship. I have not had the easiest time in this pregnancy but the problems were not age related. I would say go for it!

Lamaitresse · 11/08/2016 13:30

I had my second child at 38, and to be honest I couldn't have cared less about my age as it took 6 years to have her. The only difference I found was that I felt more tired than when I had ds at 31, it definitely took it out of me more.
With regard to how I felt compared to other mum's ages, I didn't feel old at all! One of my friends recently had a baby at 43, and I don't really think of her as old either. I wasn't made to feel like I was an older mum by anyone, and if I was lucky enough to get pregnant again (now 40) I wouldn't be worried about my age (apart from the normal health concerns for the baby of course).
Good luck whatever you decide!

HolditFinger · 11/08/2016 13:30

I don't really know whether my age was a thing or not as my first and only DD came along when I was 38. I was absolutely knackered for the first six months, but I assume that's the same for everyone.

StarlingMurmuration · 11/08/2016 13:40

I had DS when I was 36, and if we have another, I'll be 39 or 40. It's not the greatest decision ever, but I met DP at 34 so it's not like we had much choice. I'm permanently exhausted but then all the mums I know are too, and most of them are younger than me.

cocochanel21 · 11/08/2016 13:42

I had DD2 at 38 she was a suprise. I have a 23YEAR AGE GAP between my dds. I had a much easier birth with Dd2. I definitely thought my baby days were behind me as I wouldn't have planned to have another 23years after the first. She's 8mths. This time round I have found it alot easier.

nennyrainbow · 11/08/2016 13:44

I didn't notice much difference, if any. First at 31, second at 34, 3rd at 37 and 4th at 41. If anything I found the first most exhausting because it was such a big change to my routine.

ZansSerif · 11/08/2016 13:46

I had mine at 35 and 40. By 40, I did have worse exhaustion, sickness and hip problems when pregnant. Apart from that though, I don't feel like an "old" mum, in fact having my second DC has made me feel younger. I was pregnant on my 40th birthday and it felt good, like life wasn't over but starting again.

I'm incredibly busy with two DC and work, as well as trying to exercise, see friends, run house and all that. I fit in a LOT. But I'm actually not as exhausted as I was when younger. My GP advised me to take iron and it really helps me to have enough energy.

nennyrainbow · 11/08/2016 13:46

I think it also depends what activities you do. I used to go to the toddler groups with DC1 and 2, but don't bother any more as they make me feel old and tbh quite bored.

Sgtmajormummy · 11/08/2016 13:49

I had DD at 38. I was more tired, less patient and more at ease with having a baby than I'd been 8 years earlier with DS. She got 6 months EBF and we finished at 9 months, DS got nearly 2 years(!), but she's had a lot more babying/spoiling as I knew she'd be my last.

Financially we were better off when she arrived, but she's had a lot of DS's old stuff, so I wouldn't say she's been over-indulged. She's turned out to be a headstrong, bookish type with a strong sense of justice. Loves being the little one with 3 grownups except when she's sent to bed on DVD nights!

I'm one of the oldest class mums and have occasionally been taken for her (hopefully youthful) grandmother, but I just laugh it off, saying "I got everything out of my system before I had kids!"

Fourfifthsof · 11/08/2016 13:52

Had my first baby at 36 and hope to have another one next year at 38 / 39.

I met loads of women my age having their first babies and with the exception of the additional health screenings for being over 35, my age was never an issue.

LowDudgeon · 11/08/2016 13:52

I had DC3 at 37 & DC4 at 42 (& all 4 were CSs)

The late pregnancies were fine apart from first trimester weariness. Recovery from the CSs took longer. (I don't remember much - the 4th is now 23 so it's all long, long ago )

Older children were a great help.

LowDudgeon · 11/08/2016 13:53

nennyrainbow your timings are exactly the same as mine! (I was actually 41 when DC4 was born but turned 42 4 days later)

How weird!

nokidshere · 11/08/2016 13:57

I had my first at 39 and second at 41

I am the oldest mother amongst my friendship group but it's never been an issue for me or anyone else

humblesims · 11/08/2016 13:58

i had my two DSs at 34 and 36 and didnt really notice any difference age wise until they were at primary school and most of the mums were a lot younger. Physically if you are fit and healthy its not much different to being younger. they are teenagers now and I am 50 and feeling a bit knackered now though!

acdcfan · 11/08/2016 13:59

I'm 38 and ttc our first now :)

OhThatThingAgain · 11/08/2016 14:02

38 and 40 for me. Normal in London, not so normal where I originally come from. Although some of my school friends started young, then had more with different partners. Some after a 20 year gap. I guess they'd forgotten how much hard work it is

Was it an issue? No. Do I wish I'd had them earlier? Yes, because I knackered all the time but I guess I may have been the same at 30.

You're not too old, if you want another go for it.

MrsKoala · 11/08/2016 14:06

I had ds1 at 35, ds2 at 37 and dd1 will be here when i am 39 (almost 40). I was most tired and shell shocked after ds1. But i think that's just having a baby in general.

2 of ds1s friends mums are 44 and one is expecting her 2nd now. We may think about another one when i'm 41.

I've not been treated any differently medically or socially. There are some much younger mums at ds1 preschool, but they all range between 25 and 45.

My cousin is one year older than me and her boys are off to uni/doing a'levels tho, Which is weird as we are peers but at such different stages in our life.

leedy · 11/08/2016 14:24

Had my first at 37, my second at 40. Didn't (and don't!) feel particularly "older" - I'm maybe at the older end of my kids' peers' parents, but not massively so. Had some pregnancy issues with blood pressure but my mother had the same on pregnancies in her early 20s so may have been genetic rather than age.

Backhometothenorth · 11/08/2016 14:32

Had my first at 39 and am expecting second in 3 weeks time at the grand old age of 43. I can honestly say it's never been an issue to us.

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