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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex keeps booking things for himself on 'my' time.

14 replies

NotTodaySatan · 10/08/2016 13:03

He's done it twice before for one day things (we've been separated since new year) and he's just told me he's booked a weekend away and miscounted the weekends so thought it was his .

Apart from this we're on really good terms. He's considerate and helpful and generous. But I really feel like he's taking me for granted on this matter and showing complete disregard for my free time and my plans (I don't actually have any on this weekend but he doesn't know that).

AIBU?

OP posts:

Lookdownthesofa · 10/08/2016 13:05

Then he either needs to look for alternative childcare or cancel his plans. Don't step in and have the children or he really will take you for granted.

Scorbus · 10/08/2016 13:06

Giving him the benefit of the doubt could he possibly have miscounted? If so make a note of the dates etc and remind him of it next time you arrange contact.

If he does it regularly then you'll be building up a log (this is assuming he's not an abusive arsehole and doing this as a form of control)

Possibly set up an online calendar like Google Calendar to help him keep track? That way he can't claim to have forgotten.

NowSissyThatWalk · 10/08/2016 13:07

Agree with scorbus, if he is otherwise considerate than see how he fares with a bit more organisation

Oh and PS, your username is awesome :)

Vickyyyy · 10/08/2016 13:10

Could he not have them the weekend before/after to make up? Obviously thats not the point though if this is not a one off...

If it was the first time I would give the benefit of the doubt. if its been more than once I would be questioning why he doesn't give more of a shit about his responsibilities.

ParadiseCity · 10/08/2016 13:12

Its not your job to help him keep track of dates. I agree with Lookdownthesofa.

Original poster

NotTodaySatan · 10/08/2016 13:17

I really don't see why it would be my job to sort his calendar .

This is a man in a very high flying and well paid job. I don't believe for a second he looked at his calendar and couldn't could ahead every two weeks.

Thanks though everyone.

OP posts:

elastamum · 10/08/2016 13:21

Google calendar works for us. Agree at the beginning of the year any important dates holidays etc. If you want to change it then you have to notify the other party. Out teenage DC also have access and can put in things they are planning.

Ours now includes 6 people in 3 families! Me our DC, my partner his DC and exH

elastamum · 10/08/2016 13:23

FWIW my ex used to do similar - until I started to use the calendar to nail him down.

BuzzzyBeee · 10/08/2016 13:26

That calendar sounds like a great idea

BlueFolly · 10/08/2016 13:35

My ex used to do this. And wouldn't even ask if it was OK, just used to inform me that he would be late to collect DD.

I would get cross and fume at him but he would still do it.

It only changed after I said one time that I had plans too and he would have to arrange alternative childcare. Which he did. Hasn't happened since.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 10/08/2016 13:36

Is he booking person stuff on his time to have kids so you have to keep them or is he booking stuff for them so meaning you don't have them when they should?

I had one who wasn't helpful wasn't decent and was not cooperative at all, he did both I solved each one by saying you don't get them you miss it till the next and you can't have them if your not due to.

It took a few months but worked. But whilst I agree it is not your job to manage his calendar planning only you know what it will do to the cooperation if you tackle it

BlueFolly · 10/08/2016 13:37

The calendar would only work if it was genuine disorganisation. If the problem is that he is not respecting your time (the problem that I had) then simply refusing to pick up the slack is the only thing that will work, because then it will be his own time he is fucking up, not yours.

Mellowautumn · 10/08/2016 13:56

Google calendar not to 'organise' him but as empirical evidence of his nobbery to show him :)

trafalgargal · 10/08/2016 14:00

I used to just say "no problem" and make him make up the time. So if he missed a weekend he'd have the next two. He found this far more disruptive to his social life. I never asked him to make it up I'd just tell him as if it was completely a given he wouldn't want to miss time with his child . It also paid off if I needed to switch a weekend for my own stuff as he could hardly object. Don't be a martyr or a doormat but don't cut off your nose to spite your face either. The calendar is a great idea though

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