to ask how to help DC to learn independence?

[tryhard]

as I feel clueless...

My DF did everything for me & my DB & I know now as an adult that it a. makes you lazy & b. completely undermines your confidence in your own ability to do often very simply things if someone either doesn't let you do it in the first place or steps in to do it 'right'. No criticism of DF, it came from a good place!

Sooooo....my DC are 5 & 2.5 & I've realised with my eldest that I'm slipping into doing things for him that he can do himself, so he can get his own cereal & make his own toast but I tend to do it for him, particularly on school mornings. He dresses himself but I tend to set his uniform out for him in the morning as he cant reach up into his wardrobe yet without climbing in it. I've also started getting him to earn money by helping me for the day with jobs like changing sheets, making the bed, dusting, sorting & hanging out the washing etc. Does this sound about right for a 5 year old? And what age do you start encouraging greater independence? with my toddler I'd just be grateful if he went on the potty independently!!

My DD (6 nearly 7) does little jobs round the house such as feeding the cats, collecting laundry into baskets, helps unload the dishwasher and make small, easy meals under supervision. She can make sandwiches no problem by herself but we haven't tried the toaster yet as she's not a fan of toast. Might try her with using it for scotch pancakes though. Even DD2 (2 nearly 3) knows she needs to tidy up everything after playing and "makes" her bed each morning (straightens the duvet and puts her PJs under her pillow). Both girls love their jobs and will do more as they get older.

Happy I actually think this sort of behaviour by parents is borderline abusive as it infantilises their DC and prevents them from having the confidence to live independently. It is all about the parent's needs rather than the children's - sad

Gowgirl haha it's possible.. My SIL is trying to do everything she can so niece picks a local uni... Niece is adamant she's going one 100 miles away!!! It's hilarious watching my SIL trying to run my nieces life and she's just having none of it

Clutter I completely agree with you!!!! I find the behaviour of my SIL embarrassing to be totally honest and you are correct.. In her words she doesn't want "her babies" to grow up and leave her behind!!! My niece is ace though coz she won't have any of it.. She's not unruly but she just looks after herself, cooks her own tea, gets herself to and from work, spends lots of time with her boyfriends family... Who actually treat her like an adult!! And my SIL is left wondering why !!!

Good on your niece Happy!

My top tip would be to get a step/stool thing so they can reach stuff they need to, be the right height for kitchen side/sink, etc. One light enough for the child to move about themselves.

I realise that sounds very obvious but it took me a while to think of it with the PFB.

Happylandpirate without being rude that is the kind of Uni student I dread as a lecturer, the type who misses an essay deadline then complains to the Head because you didn't send them an email to remind them of the deadline, despite it being in the handbook, on notice boards etc (I kid you not, this has happened more than once this academic year 😬) The type who tends to start failing mid-year as their complete inability to take responsibility for their own lives starts to have an impact (managing food, timetable, a part time job, not blowing their loan in the first semester etc). But I have sympathy, I only learnt to cook properly once I had to wean DS1 & realised I had no idea how to cook simple, nutritious family meals. And I'm still useless with money, thank god DH isn't 😳

Interesting discussion.

My 6 year old puts washing away, except hanging up, dishes to sink, clothes in hamper, tidy their room, straightens bed, dishes to sink. I iron the school clothes and hang them from the ironing board to enable them to reach them and get dressed.

When asked they will sort washing, dry the dishes, set the table and help with dinner. Occaisionally they strop and procrastinate and revert to needing us to do things, but they are six after all!

My nine year old does all of the above easily plus can cook a simple meal, strip and change sheets, get ready unprompted for school and make a packed lunch when I am running late. They are also allowed down to the park with regular check ins, but I can see the park from my house.

I think it is just about building it all into a routine.