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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it isn't impossible for anyone but mum to put a breastfed child to bed?

13 replies

mendimoo · 09/08/2016 23:41

I have DS (7) from my previous marriage and DD (22 months) with DP. DS has autism and night times are tough. He barely acknowledges DPs existence so him having anything to do with the night time is out of the question. Today, DS' grandparents were supposed to visit but couldn't at the last minute because of car trouble. This change in the plan I'd been preparing for caused a downward spiral for the rest of the day. He doesn't need much sleep and usually goes to bed at 10 with his routines of checking things, looking at a particular book and so on having taken 45 mins. Tonight he was still very upset and did something in the wrong order which upset him further. I managed to calm him and sat stroking and reading to him til he finally fell asleep at 11.15.

Usually I BF DD to sleep after putting DS to bed and she's asleep by 10.15 (I know it's late but she wakes late and naps well.) Obviously tonight I couldn't do that as DS was struggling to settle but rather than trying to settle her himself, DP just put her in front of Thomas the Tank Engine and went on the ipad. I asked why he'd let her stay up and he said she'd never settle for him because she's used to breastfeeding so it wasn't worth upsetting her to try Hmm Perhaps under 9 months of age I'd agree, but AIBU to think it isn't impossible for someone other than mum to put a breastfed child to bed?

OP posts:
ClopySow · 09/08/2016 23:50

Does she have a feed at bedtime every night?

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 09/08/2016 23:52

My own experience (with a three y.o. who still loves to breastfeed to sleep Hmm ) is that if I am out he goes down just fine. (Having first doled out the guilt before I leave with a very sad "but that means I have no milky" Grin)

If I am in the house and just rationing the milky for no apparent reason then not a chance in hell!

Original poster
mendimoo · 09/08/2016 23:53

So far, yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
mendimoo · 09/08/2016 23:54

She is old enough to understand no milk during the day and when I'm busy seeing to DS so I think she'd be fine going to sleep without it if he tried, but he won't.

OP posts:
ClopySow · 10/08/2016 00:04

I totally sympathise with the point you're making, but if she's fed to sleep, i expect it would be a bit ofa nightmare trying to put her down without it.

Original poster
mendimoo · 10/08/2016 00:09

If only it were this one thing he 'couldn't' do it wouldn't be so bad I guess. But when he 'can't' get up with her because she gets cranky with him, 'can't' make her toast because he doesn't know how she likes it, 'can't' change her nappy because she wriggles for him....it gets a but tedious.

OP posts:
ICJump · 10/08/2016 00:10

Both DS have been able to be put to sleep by others but it requires a patient care giver.

bumpertobumper · 10/08/2016 00:15

DP or mil have put dc3 to bed occasionally since she was about 10 months. Up until last week, she is now 18mths, I bfed her to sleep every time I put her to bed.
Yes it is possible, but a confidence thing. Has your DP put her to bed before?
I now have to ask mine how he does it... Just stopped bfing...

Stevefromstevenage · 10/08/2016 00:16

Wow mendinoo hoe did it get to this stage? In answer to your question your DH should be well able to put your 22mth BF baby to bed. He is being a prat.

Original poster
mendimoo · 10/08/2016 00:23

No he won't even try. I wouldn't mind so much if he read to her or something but just sticking her in front of the tv is lazy IMO. Then he expects me to settle her then have sex with him, by which time it's midnight and DS tends to wake between 2-4 am. Then DP goes off to work at 7 when I get up for the day with DS.

OP posts:
bumpertobumper · 10/08/2016 00:25

Xpost
He is using it as an excuse. And doing the do it badly and I won't have to do it technique.
Pull him up on it and make him step up as a parent. If he does these things she will very quickly get used to his way of doing them. For all of your sakes he has to be a more hands on engaged parent, so you have to let/make/enable him to do so.
Crucial for his bond with his daughter too.

Talk it through another time, get a good sleep after a trying day and evening.

AntiHop · 10/08/2016 00:30

I feed my 22 month old is breast fed at bedtime. If I'm not at home, which is around 3 times a month, my dp puts her to bed no problem. We've never tried this when I'm at home however.

ClopySow · 10/08/2016 00:31

Ok. That's a bit different. The settling with BF is a different thing from all the rest though isn't it?

He's at it.

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