To ask for advice on what to do with twins all day? Help!

[user1470039899]

Hi,

I'm hoping to get some some good advice and help, I hope this is the right place to post. I've got 16 month old twins who were born very prematurely at 24 plus 6. They are doing great and I love being a SAHM but I'm really struggling to fill the days. I'm worried I don't instinctively know what to do and that I'm a rubbish parent. First time Mum and I have the twins on my own from 6am - 10pm when my husband returns from work. I have no friends with children and no family nearby. I go out every day but must spend some time at home as I run out of free things to do! We do lots of stories, shape sorter, toys but it only seems to fill half an hour. I'm totally at a loss what to do! Any advice on activities or toys you have found good to play with your children would be brilliant! Thank you!

Thank you for all the replies, really helpful, especially rotating the toys, I'm going to do that tonight. My dh is absolutely brilliant, will do nappy washes, cleaning, tidying and makes us up lunch even after getting in so late. He works really hard to support us and to allow me to be a SAHM, nursery was never an option for me. It will be 12 months until he can work flexibly but not before then (he took 3 months off when they came home and for the 4 months they were in hospital he did everything possible to be there and to work). I always wanted to be a SAHM and after them being so premature and nearly losing them I could never leave them at nursery. I just don't feel comfortable. But then I have never left them and wouldn't leave them with anyone (except DH) until they are much older. I will invest in some new toys, any suggestions? They are 16 months old and pretty much on track, although they are 12 months corrected so not walking independently yet. What does a usual day look like for other twin mums? I don't have anyone to ask or talk to as all my friends are working and don't have children, no twin groups locally. I will sit and do stories, show them the shape sorter and encourage that, point out animals on their puzzles. I guess there's not much else, unless I'm missing something? We do park / soft play / supermarket etc as well. Thanks everyone!

Where I am we have FB groups for mums, attachment parenting, home educating, parent and baby walking groups and I'm sure loads more I don't know about. I guarantee if I posted on any of those groups I would get oodles of local suggestions to entertain them. Would it be worth having a hunt through your local FB pages, selling pages etc and asking what groups might be of interest to you? I've made some friends through these groups too.

I dont have twins but i did have a severe case of the 'will never leave ds' and even more so with the guilt of not playing with him and hovering... it didnt really benefit him, I dont think, in the long term. Given time again, i would make a point of leaving him /them with things and backing off for a bit. He would be more self reliant if I had, and thats without factoring in twin peer interaction and support. Have a look a 'Good enough mother' Winnicot on www.

I appreciate your two are super precious after the scary time they gave you by arriving so early.

Mine were rather early too, but not as early as yours, and we only had a month in hospital before they came home.

Like you I was determined to not miss a minute of their growing up time that I didn't have to. However, I realised that I simply couldn't do it all the time.

Luckily I live pretty close to family support, especially my own mum.

A friend who wasn't near her own family used to get a visitation from a lovely retired lady one afternoon a week organised by a local group of Home Start, who would basically be a granny for the duration. The lady thoroughly enjoyed it and my friend used the time to catch up on daytime grown up life.

Not sure where you are but I did Gymboree when my twins were babies/toddlers. Like you I was on my own during the day, so the class leader would take one baby and I had the other. They did twins discount andalso had free play sessions ever day.

It is difficult because it's not so simple going to the park. One would be climbing up the slide the wrong way and other would be standing on from of the swings. Do get a list of all the church play groups, start your own twins group as the poster above mentioned. It'll be good for you and for them.

HI
I have twins and can completely sympathise. First, as PPs have said, suss out the local mums and toddler groups - a great way to meet other parents. Next, find out about local TAMBA meetings (Twins And Multiple Birth Association) as they have meetings too.

Next, encourage your twins to sit with you while you read with them. It's proven that this is the best way of encouraging interest in reading and literacy later on. You can also do some cooking with them - they will love things like baking and play with the dough etc. They can even help you make their own lunch, with simple stuff such as homemade pizza, salads etc, which they can help cut up. A walk every day is great too, let them run after leaves, get grubby in the mud etc.

Hope this helps

God I think I would have gone insane, properly properly insane if I had been on my own 5 days a week for that long with mine so you're doing a bloody great job. I would be climbing the walls of DH didn't make it home for bed time.

At 12 months corrected they will hopefully begin to transition down to one long nap a day, in the cot, I think mine did it (30 weekers) at about 14 months and that makes life a lot easier for you.

I remember going out, a lot, walking with them I the buggy and letting them out for a sit in the park or a push in the swings.

Mine loved a box full of stuff like pipe cleaners / bubble wrap / paper to rip up etc, that would occupy them for hours!

Thank you! Yes, we have a Gymboree, will give that a go. We are TAMBA members so I will see if they have anything on, there are no local twins groups. Sadly my family live min 6 hours away, opposite ends of the country! I just sometimes feel at a bit of a loss as I don't really know how to play very well (was never played with as a child and not cared for by my mum and dad most of the time). I sit and point out colours, shapes, animals, read about ten books but then I just think what next? I worry I haven't spent enough time doing stimulating things with them but I do have to make lunch / push washing on etc. Maybe I'm just overthinking it!

My twins are 14 now, but the cycling of toys is a good idea. Don't dismiss the nursery idea out of hand, it's really good for their social & language development. Those things can be delayed in twins (were in mine).
Have you joined any of the twin parent forums? I was (still am) a member of one of the main ones and it saved my sanity/was a source of invaluable advice.

You are over-thinking it. Let them learn to self-direct their own play a bit too. Learning how to amuse themselves (safely, obviously) is an important skill too.

I have twins not as old as yours but nearly a year old now. So close to your twins corrected age. We have a area(playpen) thats baby safe (apart from them smacking each other) with ball pit, crawl up to and stand up toys (big cube and activity table thing), stacking cups, blocks etc. I quite happily can leave them for 15-20mins (in ear shot & checking often). This has helped loads I can get a few bits done.
We try to go out once a day too e.g. groups, town, library & now they are mobile we sometimes just go to park with picnic blanket and few toys (they are more interested in the grass leaves etc). My two love watching other children.
We have few things in garden to play with. They love bubbles, water and anything crinkly.
I do not play with them every minute. I play with them for 15- 30mins then go do something for 15mins then come back and we do something different.
I like the idea up thread about rotating toys think I'll be doing that one too

I think you need to do some more adult stuff also. Sitting on a floor baby talking all day will drive you mad

What do you like to do? Then think if you do any of that with the twins.

Go to a buggy fit class. It's basically walking with others and babies in pram. Can meet people

Walk around a museum with them in pram ( they might nap)

Arrange for some friends to come over in evening with own babies. You can all order takeaway, socialise, and babies either sleep or hang out

Definitely agree you need to have more adult interaction especially with your DH being out of the house all day. My EXp was in the forces when ours were babies and I had to force myself to go and interact with people otherwise I got really low and felt very anxious that I was doing everything wrong or not well enough. Getting out and speaking to some adults every day really matters.

You sound lovely!

You are overthinking it.
If your DC are safely contained with age appropriate toys, you don't have to be next to them. And it'll encourage them to eventually play together.

With that age of child, I'd start off playing next to them, then gradually withdraw leaving them to explore alone.

You can still be in the same room etc, but getting on with other stuff.

Treasure baskets are good at that age and can be inexpensively put together.

I have twins that have just turned 3 and also a 5 year old so when they were born I had 3 under 3. we have always done the parks a lot! the library and groups at childrens centres. ours has a toy library which u can borrow toys from so they can play with new stuff without having to buy it. I take them swimming and we do lots of crafts and cooking.
mine are kind of disabled so tire very easy so we have a routine of playing and chores for an hour or two in the morning then out to a group, the library, swimming etc and then home and crafts, colouring, cooking, long baths etc in the afternoon.
I know what you mean about long days as ours have sleeping problems so are up from 4am until 10/11pm x

I think parents (mums) feel they constantly need to "do" things with their kids and entertain them....

Such a rod for one's own back!

I'd go for letting them playon their own as much as possible, just invest in good quality toys, also take them outside a lot.

Kids don't need enless "activities", but mums do to stop them from going bored/lonely/claustrophobic!

So meet up with other mums, go for long walks together, go to a gym that has a creche, create a balance for yourself.

It's easy to get lost in this mummy thing

My life with toddlers was immeasurably improved by getting friendly with other local mums and hanging out at each other's houses for play and cups of tea. We could chat while they played, whined or whatever.

Also as they reached the age when napping was less predictable I instigated quiet time straight after lunch when a favourite film or recorded DVD went on. 9/10 they dropped off but even if not they relaxed and so did I.

I second the toy rotating and try to find a toy library nearby. Some children enjoy toys more than others. They can potter round the house with you as you get on with stuff. They really don't have to be stimulated all the time. Just chatting to them, doing daily routines is plenty with all the other things you are doing.

For what it's worth I think this is the hardest stage, it will get easier soon.

Have you had a look at this Twinsclub forum? They also list local clubs for multiples, where are you that you have no groups local to you?

When my twins we around that age, it was probably one of the hardest periods because it's actually quite isolating being at home with very young children. I did go to a couple of toddler groups each week (inc. a local twins one, the only place where I felt truly comfortable and not a super-fecund freak, we've people knew to help by opening doors for the big pushchair and to keep an eye out for everyone's kids - you can tell I loved it, can't you )

But mostly I just set myself little goals, feeding, a little bit of play, napping, a daily walk, a visit to a playground, feeding, napping, play and then bed. Small achievements!

The main thing that kept me sane was meeting other people (for me, other mums with twins) and I was fortunate to make friends with babies and see them on a regular basis (once a week? A fortnight?)

But I appreciate it is hard during the summer when many groups don't run, so alternatives may be library sing along groups? NCT or ante natal groups?

Could your health visitor put you in touch with other local families with similar aged kids? Do you have a toy library that you can use? We found that useful for many years.

I also used a nursery from age 2.5, mine did some sessions together and some apart. It was a great environnent for them and I think it really helped them. You may want to consider it as yours get older, they'll always be precious to you and growing up and learning to be apart from you won't change that. Good luck.

Ah, that link didn't work. Try this one, I think you have to register to enter the Twinsclub forum.

I don't have twins, but I'm on my 3rd kid - leave loads of toys out and let them get on with it.
I've never felt the need to fill their days for them.

Also could you afford a very part time nanny?
Somebody could come just once a week say 12-6pm. You could use some time with each twin 1-1, and swap, and some time to go off alone or meet up with a friend for coffee alone.

Hello you. Been there, got the wrinkles. Please know that this is not forever. Mine are 4.5 now and occupy each other which is just bliss.

In the meantime, someone suggested rotating toys, which is sound...what I did was set things up almost like school, so we had 'periods', each lasting 20/30 mins which was their/my attention span. So Music for period 1, get out all the music toys. Cooking, period 2 and get them to stir things. Dance, period 3, put on loud music, entertain them by jiggling around like a mad thing. Cross country, period 4/5, go for a long walk...and so on. Days go quicker, much less bored all round.

If there's no local twins club, maybe try some Mumsnet/Twitter/FB posts to set up your own?

I also echo what people said though about not feeling you have to be an entertainer. Leave them to explore their world and each other. I also realised probably belatedly that what they loved most was just pottering around with me pottering around...it was a bit of a eureka moment when I gave them cloths and they started cleaning my floor for me .

Most of all though, just to repeat...this is not forever. I really count myself lucky to have twins now as they are effectively on a permanent playdate. I know all siblings by definition have someone else to play with, but there's something very special about having a sibling who is just another you, and exactly on your level, IYKWIM. And I - sort of - have a life again .

Op can you say roughly where you are? One of us may be local and have invaluable tips. Our tiny wee small town has 90 odd twins, parents and sibs, we have a brilliant helping each other out network

Can you start a twin group? My local one was set up by a mum with twins & another a year older, lots going on in her life but now she's at the heart of a huge group of families. There's several mums who I can now randomly call on just to hang out.

At one point I started theming days / weeks around books - it decided which toys were out, what we ate, activities (I hid teddy bears round the living room and made a den for bear hunt) etc.

We have a couple of big toys (climbing slide & ball pit)

Contact your local college see if they have any students who would like twin experience

Sing, dance and do action songs.

Mine (2) 'help" with chores. Washing things and baking are favourites.

Get membership somewhere, a play cafe, local museum, farm etc

Find new mum friends online.

You are doing amazingly.

I have 18 month old twins who were prem but not as early as yours. I'm also a SAHM. This is how our week generally pans out - playgroups for 2 mornings a week, meet friends one morning then my saving grace is nursery 2 mornings a week, they started at 14 months and it was the best thing we have done but only affordable as my DH had been paying into work childcare vouchers for my whole pregnancy, can your DH do this through his work? They then nap after lunch for a couple of hours which is a much needed break for me. Can you attempt trying to get them to nap unassisted? I've only just stopped breastfeeding mine but they have never fed to sleep and just get put in their cots for a nap. I very rarely 'play' with them, I get some toys out and generally mooch around while they destroy my house. We also go in the garden a lot. Things have got considerably easier though in the last couple of months since they became confident walkers. They're just a whole lot more tiring now!